Not at all. The dick move would be to accept the coffee invitation and waste their time when you’re clearly not interested in being their friend.
this post was submitted on 27 May 2025
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NTA
I remember posting in that thread earlier, and people were way more understanding
Now the top comments are all dogpiling on the guy for not wanting to hang out with their friend's children.
Sad
OP really doesn't seem to be interested in this person beyond what they can offer OP. They don't seem to want this person as a friend.
Yeah that's my position too, and as someone who doesn't enjoy children. If so can only see them without their kids, then they only want to be friends with that chapter of that person's life, which is done and over. The choice isn't just coffee but the friendship. You're either still friends, kids included, or you're not and op Moves on to other friends. No wrong answer at all
Frankly, it feels like she's testing you.
You mention you've been chatting a while and she might have the urge to test you among her children to see how you interact with them.
There's a good chance she might not fully realize she is doing this.
And it doesn't even mean she looks for a direct change in relationship status.
Her motherly instinct just tells her "here is this guy who seems friendly, but how safe is this for my children?"
So, if you're put off by this and have no interest in her or the circumstances, just let her know gently.
If you blow up on her directly about her kids you'll just upset the mother in her and she might not understand, and you might be seen as the a-hole.
If they're unable to leave their child alone, then yes. Depends on the situation of both individual and the answer is always more complex than this.
You are only a dick if you hang out with this her, as she clearly wants to reconnect, probably because you're the only adult ATM who could be considered safe to her. If you truly don't, be honest and let her know due to your aversion to children, it's best you don't meetup.
It's okay to have boundaries and to enforce them in a kind way; you'd have a better day by enjoying a hobby you like or drink coffee by yourself.
I mean it's understable, but still feels like it lacks empathy from you. She would probably love to hang out without them, but probably can't.
No you're not being a dick but you won't get an objective answer here