Was it dismissing or just not understanding?

Some folk require understanding before they offer acceptance. Those folk will frame it as “just not understanding”. I frame that as lack of acceptance. Acceptance isn’t contingent on understanding. You or I not understanding an aspect of someone elses identity has nothing to do with the validity of their identity.

If you wish to ask someone questions about their pronouns and identity, you’re welcome to do so, but remember they don’t owe you an answer, and whether they offer you an answer or not, and whether you understand their perspective or not, either way, gatekeeping and invalidating their identity is not on.

they are so uncomfortable to use that it just makes me not want to address someone who uses them

That was the other option I offered folk. If someone has stated their pronouns, either use them, or if you can’t bring yourself to use them, don’t engage with the person.

If the person is trolling, report them. But even if they’re trolling, the above statement still stands. Respect their pronouns or don’t engage with them as you report them.

Willing to have a casual explanation of it? An in depth one isn't on topic for this community. And yes, this is the condensed version, I could write a small pamphlet on this.

If so, read on. If not, throw me a DM and I'll try and give a more detailed version of my take after having changed my mind on the subject as a whole.

Neopronouns are not truly necessary. There's other ways to achieve the same goal

However, respecting them is, and it's important to recognize that the concept behind them is an important one.

The kind of neopronoun drag used aren't the only kind of neopronoun. I can't recall the name for that type, but it is an individualized version that has a different kind of merit.

The core of neopronouns is redefining gender and language. It's reframing how we think about and deal with agender, gender fluid, non binary, and other labels that represent people for whom the traditional masc/fem/neutral pronouns don't really fit. Now, yes, the singular neutral they/them does partially achieve that. But it isn't necessarily perfect because it's the same as just saying "other".

Standard neopronouns like xe/xem/xyr attempt to rectify that, in part, by providing a general use new (neo means new) words that are inherently without gender, and are also internally consistent (hence why xyr replaces the plural they/them rather than leaving that in place).

What dragon rider's pronouns do (and here I'll switch to just calling the person drag because arthritis) is a furtherance of that basic idea. The concept of individual, single word pronouns takes the concept of reframing gender in language to its logical extreme.

Now, here we have to address the elephant in the room. Otherkin. Otherkin are the folks you think about when you see a lot of individual pronouns. They also want their pronouns to be different from the norm, though they don't all want individual ones. They do tend to want pronouns that reflect their belief that they are different by being kin to their other. That's a simplification, but that's a tangent on a tangent already

Drag, afaik, isn't otherkin.

The connection to drag is that the individualized pronouns look similar, and it's where most people draw the line. Now, I have my opinion about that side of things, but for this purpose let's set the assumption that their belief is valid.

That's where we get back to drag. Drag, in choosing their user name, set up a fight from the beginning. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but choosing dragon (rider), and dragon fucker as user names, it was inevitable.

But drag is not actually their user name, nor what you would call a name at all. It isn't directly linked to them wanting to fuck dragons, which aren't real. It's a knock on effect.

Pretend, instead, that their user name is southsamurai, and they wanted the individual pronoun "sam". Still some confusion, obviously, but it isn't a fight from the beginning.

So, if my pronouns are sam/sam, I'm requesting an individual pronoun. I'm saying, up front, that by requesting that, that I have a sense of myself that doesn't work with standard gendered pronouns, nor with the commonly used neopronouns. I'm saying, please interact with me as an individual, not as a generic person.

That's why it matters. Now, I'm not saying anyone has to agree to use them. I've had many a discussion about that, and not just with drag. It's a big ask. It's asking everyone you meet to upend their brain and restructure their language pathways entirely, so that they can fluidly switch between known individual pronouns, and generic ones, without making errors.

But, even if you aren't willing or able to do that, I have come to agree that the point of individualized pronouns is important, and that standard neopronouns need to be adapted to, because language does matter. Our thinking is shaped by those language pathways. Language is how we exchange ideas, and (except for people that don't think in words at all) it's how we process our thoughts.

There are languages with no gendered pronouns, and some with long lists of them because there's more than two recognized genders, or because the pronoun used is grammar based regarding when and where it's used.

So, in English, our entire mind is influenced by having only three standard options: masculine, feminine, and neutral. It's inflexible because of that. And, you can see evidence of that via the rejection of the singular they/them, despite it having been a part of the language for much longer than trans issues have been in the public awareness.

Again, you might disagree about that. That's fine, I'm not trying to convince you, just trying to explain why I changed my mind from "that's silly" regarding all neopronouns, to having the opinion that they matter.

I now think that they matter because it's an effective way to shake up the way we think about gender and language. I think that's important because we all suffer limitations based on the limited English pronoun structures. In order to improve that, a shakeup is needed.

Drag is the reason I changed my opinion, and that's despite still having objections to individual pronouns as being more trouble than they're worth at this point in time. That's also despite my impression and opinion on the otherkin side of things being a hindrance to everyone else.