this post was submitted on 13 Feb 2025
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[–] piccolo 296 points 5 days ago (6 children)

Plot twist, the homeless man broke into everyones car because they didnt pay the insurance.

[–] [email protected] 78 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Don't pay the insurance fee, bad things are going to happen.

Also Miss Kenzie, my fee went up.

[–] [email protected] 56 points 5 days ago

So he works like regular American health insurance.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 days ago

Is there anything more American than a protection racket?

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 days ago

That was pretty much how parking worked in a lot of places in my hometown. There was someone collecting the "parking fee" and it was wise to pay it. Nothing official, basically a protection racket.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 days ago (1 children)

He's gotta make a living somehow...

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 days ago

That's called being business savvy /s

[–] [email protected] 120 points 5 days ago

Postcards from The Orphan Crushing Machine.

[–] [email protected] 78 points 5 days ago (1 children)

You are living in sad, sad county 😐

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 days ago

But the surrounding counties are pretty good.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 4 days ago (10 children)

Getting real "That happened" vibes here.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 days ago

i live in homeless land and im pretty sure this didn't happen but it's nice to give $15

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[–] usrtrv 46 points 5 days ago (5 children)

(Pretending this is real) Is this even a good deal? $15 each time. Maybe 1% chance for a break in. You end up paying on average $1500 to stop a break in.

[–] [email protected] 86 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Presumably it's more of an excuse to give the dude $15 than a real expectation of service.

[–] Corkyskog 22 points 4 days ago

Its amazing that people don't understand that its supposed to be all about the homeless man and zero percent about the car. The fact that she got coincidental services out of her charity is the funny part.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 4 days ago

Depending on the cost of parking, it might still be a winner. Every time I park near where someone homeless is posted up I offer them whatever coins I have on me to give me a shout or a call if they see a parking warden before I come back. Cheaper than parking, and it helps local people instead of fucking Wilson's.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 5 days ago

Simple! Just keep $2,000 cash in your glove compartment at all times. You've now saved $500, congratulations!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 days ago

I did this same thing when I was in Austin. When the cost of a decent drink at the bar you're going to is the same price, it's not too much to pay for carsitying services. But tbh I paid him half out of charity and half because I can't be sure he would slash my tires for NOT giving him the money. He knows where my car is and knows I'm going to be away for a while. Better safe than sorry.

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[–] [email protected] 53 points 5 days ago (6 children)

These people's stories are always so fake.

[–] [email protected] 77 points 5 days ago (4 children)

The watching the car protection racket is a very common thing in many countries in the world my friend. Just because it's ridiculous doesn't mean it's not true.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (2 children)

Nah, it's the way it's delivered, not the content.

It's got the same structure and style as those ones where some person is proud of their 10 month year old for looking at the TV and saying, "Go Trump!"

A fragment of truth, with 99% of "I wish it went like this" spun in. The sardine becomes a tuna.

Unless it's true that someone will wash your car and go up against car thieves for $15 and say something like that. I guess it's technically not...impossible. "Thank ya Miss Kenzie. Have a good day Miss Kenzie. God bless Miss Kenzie."

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 days ago

You clearly haven’t seen Bumfights.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

That homeless man turns out was Elon Musk. He was inspired by what happened to steal even more.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 days ago

that homeless man was productive. couldn't be musk

[–] [email protected] 13 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Maybe but also I bike around a lot, offer to buy people things if I'm going past a cafe or grocery store and not in a rush, and have asked the person to watch my bike while I'm in there. I've left all kinds of stuff I wouldn't normally on and in the bike and they've always watched over it even in sketchy areas or with stuff worth more than the coffee I'm about to grab them. So I'd file this one under "possible even if improbable, and could be exaggerated"

[–] brbposting 10 points 5 days ago

Asking strangers has proven a winning strategy, based on some research.

Strangers protect strangers’ stuff on the beach (experiment)

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 days ago

Tell me you haven't been to Austin

[–] sbv 8 points 5 days ago
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[–] [email protected] 36 points 5 days ago

You got a very good deal on a security guard. Well-done, you.

I've also seen free-agent contractors filling queues for movie tickets and TV show taping tickets - when that was a thing - and negotiating their price per hour.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Austin, TX used to be such a good town.

RIP.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (3 children)

We couldn't keep it weird.... I think the true beginning of the downfall was when Leslie Cochran left us. And Joe "I am so fucking straight guys" Rogan moved in

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 days ago

mega-fucking-sigh

I mean, I peg it more to Greg Abbott becoming governor than anything. Perry was power mad freak, but he was comparatively chill on the culture wars. Abbott's made it his life's goal to Austin into a Whites Only Country Club.

[–] taladar 5 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Not very familiar with Austin, why is it important that Joe Rogan is fucking straight guys and telling everyone about it?

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 days ago

I think it was people trying to make the weird trendy.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 5 days ago

The hero we never knew we needed

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 days ago

This occasionally ends up on my dash and I love it every time. The mental image/clip it provides is hysterical.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 days ago

In today's episode of things that never happened...

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