this post was submitted on 29 Jan 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by [email protected] to c/greentext
 
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[–] [email protected] 38 points 2 days ago (1 children)

My dad had a similar story. When he got recalled they had to shoot a bunch of nearly depleted ammo for 155 mm arty.

They sit in the field waiting for the command to fire. Guy that has the pull cord had been smoking some weed and was sitting behind the gun drumming.

One of his beats is with the hand in which he has the cord, it was slightly to strong. The gun fires and he gets the recoiling breech block in his face.

My dad jumps on him and keeps his tongue from sliding back in the guys throat. Shouts at the commanding officer to get a medic, finally the guy gets wheeled out by an ambulance. Nothing heard from the guy.

Years later, in a bar he hears some drumming he recognizes. It's the same guy, he got small fracture at the base of his skull and got an army pension for life. Buys the beers for my dad the rest of the evening.

[–] ArbitraryValue 22 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

he gets the recoiling breech block in his face

I expected to respond to this with the sad crab meme captioned "this kills the recruit". That guy must have an amazingly thick skull.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 day ago

He was incredibly relaxed, which might have saved him. You see this with drunk drivers too.

[–] [email protected] 86 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I want to belive that this is true (and gay)

[–] [email protected] 77 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Anon is attending the guys wedding bc theyre the ones getting married.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

Nah... He's marrying the drill sergeant.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago

Directed by JJ Abrams.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 days ago (4 children)

It would be great but OP would be from a country that doesnt speak English and the theme song probably wouldn't be English either. I've watched Bob l'éponge and the song is French.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I learned today that Singapore has mandatory military service and a majority English speaking population... So there's a chance

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago

Negligence discharge will make you wish you were dead though

[–] Yondoza 3 points 2 days ago

Switzerland has it too, and while English isn't the official language almost everyone speaks it.

[–] b0gl 6 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Vem bor i en ananas djupt i det blå? Svampbob Fyrkant!

[–] tostiman 5 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Hij woont in een ananas diep in de zee! Spongebob Squarepants!

[–] tostiman 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Wait, so blåhaj means sea shark? I thought it was blue shark

[–] b0gl 5 points 2 days ago

Blå means Blue and it's kind of a slang word for sea

[–] Yorick 3 points 2 days ago

Reading this I'm pretty sure that's the kind of goofing you end up in at the Swiss army.

Tho having a 300m target distance on your first rifle shooting test seems far to me.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

Russian army is big on spongebob songs.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 2 days ago (4 children)

Unless Anon served in the Russian army, accidentally shooting a rock 10m away would be quite a serious safety breach leading to a good amount of investigations.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 hours ago

In soviet Russia the pension will get you for life... Jokes aside he won't get any pension or medical in russian army, just get sent to Ukraine. Cheaper

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 days ago

Anon is on 4chan and mentioned mandatory service...so yeah, probably Russia or a former Soviet state.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 days ago

That's why anon is going to that guy's wedding next week; both were kicked out of army.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago

In Russian army, rock shoots you.

[–] [email protected] 45 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Generals totally watch new recruits shoot for the first time.

[–] [email protected] 41 points 2 days ago (3 children)

I mean, occasionally they do. Always popping up where you least expect (or want) them, in my experience.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Would you say that it happens in...

...general?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago (2 children)

What happens in the general stays in the general

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago

Aye aye Captain!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago

not sure, but i know where the general keeps his armies...

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago

It happens in private.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 days ago

@[email protected]

Yeah, had a navy friend who met 2 different admirals during boot camp and 2 more at their first training command. Some times the sharks like to swim in the ponds

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

I have heard in eastern countries its a bit more common to see them compared to western ones

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

And completely neglects the chain of command to directly berate a drill sergeant. That's like the CEO of McDonald's going to a franchise to berate the guy making fries.

And the recruits shoot for their first time at 300 meters.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago