this post was submitted on 05 Jan 2025
505 points (99.2% liked)

Funny

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[–] [email protected] 53 points 3 months ago (1 children)

An older pro-tip from my elderly aunt:

If you are a single woman living alone, purchase a used pair of the biggest boots you can find. Get them work-dirty, and leave them outside the door. Strangers knocking will think twice before pushing their way in.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago

I'll just sell you my old ones. I have enormous feet.

[–] merde 30 points 3 months ago (2 children)
[–] Imgonnatrythis 7 points 3 months ago

Smaller the better - more creepy, more likely you just stepped into the home of slenderman

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

Like Paul Bunyan walking around on pool cues.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Don't put them too far away otherwise people might think the house is inhabited by two one legged amputees

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

“I’m sure they have plenty of good stuff to steal, with all that extra money they are saving on shoes!”

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Lol I never thought about this.

An amputee missing his right leg walks into the bar, sees an amputee missing his left leg.

"Hey dude what shoe size are you?"

"11.5, why?"

"No way me too! You want all my rights? I'll trade for your lefts!"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I'm going to hell for this for at least a few weeks, but don't you mean "hops into a bar"?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

Hehe yeah I thought it as I typed it but decided to use walks anyway.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 months ago (1 children)

"big asf" hurts. It should be "big AF", "big as fuck" or I'll even allow "big as F", but pick a lane.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

big age sex focation

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago

Or Dennis Reynolds

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

No then they will start looking for your golden goose

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

I kind of do the opposite, I am big as fuck. But that just means they are more likely to see me as scary instead of gentle. Intruders that get scared are much worse than intruders you can talk to. They might get desperate and do something much worse than steal a bit of your stuff.

So before they see me, I let them know that I am very big but not a threat. So it is less of a surprise and more likely to lead to a conversation rather than a confrontation. You can keep my stuff, I just want to keep my life. I can get my stuff back, or new stuff, I only have the one life, and it is irreplaceable to me.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

also get a gigantic food dish and add some giant hambones with giant teeth marks

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Looks more like aliens beamed you away. Let the probing begin!