this post was submitted on 04 Jan 2025
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Science Memes

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[–] [email protected] 226 points 2 weeks ago (16 children)

Hi gang! Doctor here, trained at and still work at the local "Rectal Foreign Body Center of Excellence", so I feel somewhat qualified to give my professional opinion.

Yes, nothing without a flared base should be used in this fashion. BUT, there's pretty much no risk for harm here. Mechanical obstruction is unlikely because, as OP says, it'll get mushy and get pooped out. Bananas aren't much of an irritant like a citrus fruit, so not much risk for chemical damage. Someone else said there might be a risk of potassium overdose, but not really. The rectum does absorb, but not as much as the stomach. So while some potassium will be absorbed, this is at worst equivalent to eating the same number of bananas. Which won't harm you.

So not a big risk here. That being said, flared bases, everyone!

[–] [email protected] 49 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I hope you remind friends, family, and colleagues about the importance of flared bases every holiday season. It's the type of progressive service the people need but don't realize yet. Stay #based and blesst y'all

[–] [email protected] 32 points 2 weeks ago

I come from a heavily Roman Catholic background. Recognition of the existence of butt stuff to family doesn't go over well. But friends and the family I'm raising get regular reminders!

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Thank you foe your answer. I don't believe in god, but if I did I'd ask them to bless you. 🫡

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 weeks ago

Thank you, Dr Ass!

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Alright then Doc, what item would you suggest to be the best to shove up my ass?

[–] [email protected] 41 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

And where is your proof of having a flared base?

[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Proof.

Sorry, probably not what you're asking for but I'm not going there.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 weeks ago

I don't even myself know what I was asking for so I am satisfied with this.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 weeks ago

Real talk, if you want to get into butt stuffing, get a squishy plug like a square peg egg plug or a topped toys gape keeper. Stuff that's designed for butt use is infinitely better than improvised things, let me tell you.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Question for the doctor, especially due to your location of work. Have you ever been approached for shadowing? How would you prefer to be asked?

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (3 children)

Yes, have been approached many times. Very open to shadowing and have had multiple people shadow me.

How would you prefer to be asked?

I'm not sure exactly what that question means? I guess I would prefer someone say "I am interested in medicine, can I shadow you to see if it's something I truly want to do?" Or "I'm applying to medical school and need shadowing hours. Your profession sounds like fun, can I shadow you?". Problem is you gotta know someone. Or know someone who knows someone. Can't just walk in off the street and say "I want to shadow", I'll likely say no. Most institutions do have a program to facilitate shadowing, which can help with access to willing docs.

Does that answer your question?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

I like how you are taking these questions at face value. Time for an interview with Philomena Cunk.

"Isn’t it weird that your job is basically staring into a hole all day? Like, did you lose a bet or something?"

"Do you ever feel like your patients are secretly judging you while you're judging their behinds?"

"What was the first time you told someone, 'I want to dedicate my life to bottoms,' and how did they respond?"

"If you think about it, the rectum is like the backdoor of the body. Do you ever knock, or is it more of a barging-in situation?"

"Would you say the rectum is the most underappreciated organ, or is it just happy to be left alone?"

(Only answer if this is fun. I don't want to waste your time)

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 weeks ago

"Isn’t it weird that your job is basically staring into a hole all day? Like, did you lose a bet or something?"

I have a very broad scope of practice, so I stare into other holes as well! But no, didn't know how much of my profession would involve starting into holes.

"Do you ever feel like your patients are secretly judging you while you're judging their behinds?"

Eh, not really? Most people tend to be quite self conscious and so are wrapped up in their own judgement to judge me.

"What was the first time you told someone, 'I want to dedicate my life to bottoms,' and how did they respond?"

I think it was my parents? Pretty much their response was "seems like a good way to pay the bills".

"If you think about it, the rectum is like the backdoor of the body. Do you ever knock, or is it more of a barging-in situation?"

I like to take the door by surprise. If you give them notice by knocking, they clean up the place a bit. Gotta catch them by surprise to know what's really going on.

"Would you say the rectum is the most underappreciated organ, or is it just happy to be left alone?"

Underappreciated for sure. Ever seen that meme about which organ is the most important? Anus shuts up and everyone dies.

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[–] [email protected] 213 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Imagine you are running a marathon and someone ahead of you losses three bananas that were stuffed in their ass.

[–] [email protected] 149 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

"it's Mario kart all over!"

[–] PennyRoyal 35 points 2 weeks ago

Mario Shart

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[–] [email protected] 57 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Imagine sitting in the doctor's office and someone nearby lets out a ripper and the whole office suddenly smells like banana bread.

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

"Are we going passed a zoo? I smell mashed bananas.

Oh fuck, what is running down that person's leg right now‽"

[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

This shit is bananas b-a-n-a-n-a-s

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[–] [email protected] 78 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

If there's a problem simply shove a monkey up there. Problem rectified

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 weeks ago

rectified

I see what you did there.

[–] AwesomeLowlander 10 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

That was a great analysis you did of the problem

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[–] leonine 47 points 2 weeks ago

When life goes banana, u shove em up ur ass and run a marathon.

[–] [email protected] 44 points 2 weeks ago

The last sentence makes this 10 times funnier

[–] [email protected] 36 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 weeks ago

My eyes though

[–] [email protected] 33 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I read the first sentence and immediately stopped reading.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 weeks ago

I did not and I wish I had. Today was a bad day to Internet

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

Am I the only one who thought it funny?

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[–] [email protected] 33 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Doesn't the colon absorb vitamins better or something? Could you overdose with anal bananas?

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

I suppose it's possible. The amount of absorption is going to depend on what specifically is 'in there.' Most vitamins (for example) have been separated from their pre-eaten location/environment by the physical mastication, churning, and compression; and by chemical means by chelation agents, acid/enzyme digestion, or other molecules that break apart lipid blobs and such; and even more importantly, are done in areas designed for absorption with lots of villi to give a million times the surface area. Alcohol, the oft-given example of a substance absorbed by the rear part of your gastric tube, is a fairly 'ready to be absorbed' compound. Suppositories are also similarly in a state that makes their active agents easily absorbed.

A whole bananal probably is going to be absorbed like a rock through a 5mm sieve. The bacteria in the rectum might start the process, breaking down the cells and matrix of the banana into readily absorbed compounds, but if you've ever seen an organic object like an apple or banana rot outside somewhere, it is a very slow process. You'll be much more likely to suffer some form of infection/sepsis from the bloom of bacteria (or the smaller chance of a fungal infection) long before enough of the banana is absorbed.

All of this is even more true if the OP was shoving them still in their skins in. The bananal skin will definitely be a very slow degradation, and absorb like an intelligent thought into the president elect.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago

IIRC the large intestine and colon is more about water resorption than nutrient absorption, and while potassium is a very dangerous electrolyte, I'm doubtful that much of it will get absorbed at all, even if 1 banana could do any damage to the average person with working kidneys.

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

This is funnier now that I see we are in the science sub lmao

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 weeks ago

This one goes out to people that work in healthcare, like my sister. The stories she has lmao.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 weeks ago

Sir, this is a Wendy's

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 weeks ago
[–] ZombiFrancis 26 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 weeks ago

Gives eating ass a new meaning. New kink drops,

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

In the interest of science, we must monitor this person running a marathon.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago

Needs a flared base.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

"I'm afraid I really don't know, Mr. Kipchoge, I just wanted an autograph."

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