Mental Health

I still haven't gotten anything for my family, and I have no idea what to get anyone either. I don't know what anyone likes anymore. And honestly I'm just getting tired of Christmas in general. I don't have the energy to pretend that I care about it anymore. I don't want to visit people. I just want to be left alone with nobody putting ridiculous social expectations on me.

I don't have advice, but you should know you aren't alone in your feelings.

Tell them in advance that you probably won't have gifts for them. If they get angry about it, well, they aren't friends and probably are not very good for you as roommates either.

Getting angry about chores is one thing (and not a very nice one still), getting angry about not getting a gift is absurdly selfish. Especially if they know about your situation.

Dont give or accept gifts.

Take your money and buy something for yourself.

If you want to enjoy family and friends do it by spending time with them.

My life became so much more relaxed when I stepped away from holidays and gift giving.

It is less than a week till Christmas

It's not, you have almost two weeks if you celebrate December 25th!

If your friends care about you, they would never want you to be stressed or negatively-impacted over choosing gifts. If you can't or don't want to shop, is making a gift something you could do? I tell my friends I genuinely don't care if they get me anything, I know we're solid. In lean times I've not gotten them gifts certain years. Just try to be thoughtful, any effort will be appreciated...

I find giving gifts hard as well, and I hate that I' often expected to be happy, even if I have no need or use for the thing So I talked with family and friends, I don't want gifts, I don't need gifts. I'm happy to meet, have a nice dinner. This made christmas soo much better for me. With my partner we write a list of stuff we'd like, and we get the other one/two things from that list to keep the surprise part. A surprising number of friends like giving gifts, but don't expect it to be returned if you don't want to.

I feel like your problems go a lot deeper, but a preemptive talk about it csn help if they are reasonable people

There is nothing wrong with cash or gift cards. Gift cards just force people to use it at a specific place. Grab an package of Xmas cards to stuff it in and say fuck it.

I didn't buy anybody gifts for many years because I couldn't afford it. Nobody held it against me. I don't expect anybody to buy me shit. If anybody is going to hold it against me then they can go fuck themselves.

Edit : I guess what I'm saying is don't feel guilty. I think people understand that as adults we need to have our priorities and sometimes that means not buying gifts. People are generally understanding and there is more to life than gifts. I'd be fucking thrilled with 20$ in cash in a card and I would be thankful that they even sent that because that person spent that time to earn that cash and to put that together. You're a kind person for worrying about it, but the people who care for you would rather not see you worry and to take care of yourself.

I stopped giving holiday gifts for people many years ago and feel great about it. My partner and I don't do it either. For me the only thing it did was cause me stress. If people give you grief for it, then question them why they would want you to have to do something that would make you feel bad. Someone who loves and respects you should not want you to go through that. Like other people said, if you need to give your roommates something give cash. Then they can actually get what they want.

I got stuck on presents as well, then someone over on tildes mentioned getting each of their friends a piece of a meteorite. I didn't even know this was a thing you could do!

I checked out the site they were using and it seems legit, so I got meteorite-bits for everyone on my list. I got the cheap ones, they're about $10-15 each. They're pretty small, but I think it's totally awesome to be able to hold an actual piece of outer space, regardless of size

The idea came from an entire thread of gift ideas so even if meteorites don't tickle your fancy, something else there may catch your eye.

Somebody (scishow I think) did a breakdown on YouTube on gift giving, but the short answer is that most people are perfectly fine with cash.

The chores solution that works for me is I get up a little earlier for work. Waking up in the morning sucks no matter what time so I don’t even notice the slightly earlier time. By the time I shower and get breakfast I’m ready for the day. So if I have 30 minutes before I need to leave (even 10 or 15) I have time and energy to do a little something. Once I get home from work I’m too dead.

As for gifts, I’ve done everything either online and ship to me or curbside pickup. Actually going into stores and dealing with people is hugely overwhelming. But I can manage being on my phone to get some gifts.

But if you can’t right now, cut yourself some slack. Take care of yourself. If you feel the need to get something, a gift card/certificate can feel a little more personal than cash (though I know people have different, sometimes strong, opinions about this).

As for chores, I have problems with that as well, so I started watching my favorite shows on tv. But the annoying type of tv, the type with lots of commercials. And every time a commercial comes on, I get up and do a bit of cleaning.

When I start, the first hour might be something like collecting, bagging and taking out trash, moving dishes to the kitchen, and putting all my dirty clothes in a pile. But then the second hour of tv, I might set the dishes to soak during the first ad, put the clothes in the washer during the second, and start scrubbing the dishes during the third set of commercials.

I feel less guilty about watching TV, I'm not wasting time doom scrolling or playing Candy Crush during the ads, the housework is actually getting done, and yet I don't feel tired when the show ends because the work was done in short bursts throughout the hour.

Another thing I do sometimes is that I'll make a commitment to myself that today I'm going to walk into each area (bedroom, kitchen, bath, entryway, living room, hallway, utility room, pantry, etc) and improve one thing in each area. The improvement can be anything - pick a piece of paper off the floor, replace a dead lightbulb, fold one towel, whatever.

And I'll do that for the first couple/few areas, but then I get some momentum going. I'll end up picking up dishes or trash and doing a bunch of stuff over several rooms. After a while, I'll find myself slowing down, so I'll go through every area to make sure I've done something, then finish up anything I might have left half-done, then go take a well-earned rest.

I like the tv-commercials-cleaning because it doesn't leave me tired at the end. I like the fix-one-thing idea because I got really tired of having one random room clean while the others were in disarray; I found it lifted my spirits if I had at least some progress in each room.

I don't know if either of those ideas help, but they might.

Do you have an IKEA near you? They have cheap and decent rechargeable batteries. Spend a normal amount on each person in rechargeables. If anyone gives you shit, look them dead in the face and say 'Bob, why don't you give a shit about the environment? '

For my best friends, there were years when I don't get them a Christmas or birthday gift, but I have just got them something I think they needed at some random point when I saw them, and was like, "here, your birthday/Christmas gift, whatever".

I do think you should do your chores, but I get it that it's not easy as that. As a former roommate who did the most cleaning up after all four others, this would bring far more joy to me than receiving a gift in return for me giving one. It might make you feel a little less miserable to get something done.

If your roommates are really expecting money or something in return for the gift, in my eyes (tax law is a different matter), that's a sale or a trade, not a gift. It is and should be out of generosity, and whatever you get or give should be in that spirit rather than obligation imo. If you feel shame and feel obliged but need ideas, why don't you order a nice meal for everyone, booking a spot at a restautant for whoever's schedules align or you have it delivered to your place for them as the gift? Alternatively, gift cards for a place you knkw they like to go is a super simple option.

Listen, it's not the end of the world if you can't get a gift for Christmas in time. No need to move out over it. Work is hard enough. Don't put yourself through more unhealthy stress just because of capitalistic cultural brainwashing to get you to spend money.

I can't do much for your mental health but I can tell you what I do for xmas to minimize my own effort.

I straight up asked most adult family and friends what they wanted, and in one guy who never particularly wants anythings case told him to name a place he likes to eat and I'll gift card him that. For children I got books I liked at about their age, and bookmarks of their interests, e.g. pokemon. As I presume you don't know their interests, don't worry about that part unless you're feeling extra.

I didn't even wrap stuff, and instead bought gift bags and threw the gifts in there. In prior years I ordered on Amazon and paid them to wrap but that shit is like 4 bucks per gift. If you don't think you can muster "throw in bag" energy, let Amazon do it for you.

In cases where you can't get a answer as to what they want but you want to give the minimal illusion of caring, get giftcards to places (not amazon or walmart. more targeted, like barnes and noble, or a craft store.). Its basically cash but it has a more personal touch. I presume that while you might not know if buddy wants book X or book Y, you at least know that they like reading.

If the person is such a blank canvas to you that you don't even know broad things they like then I'm kinda confused as to why yall are exchanging gifts to begin with. In that case, if you just feel socially obligated, get them a bag of grocery store fancy chocolates like Lindor or Ferrero Rocher. They're easy to regift if the person is vegan/diet restricted and you forgot.

Tell us about anon the roommate. Let the limernet help you find a decent gift to match.

i gave up buying gifts a long time ago. i take it far too seriously and get very stressed about it for the token gesture that it is