I’ve got me some IBS, and have had a raw asshole on several occasions from the multi-poops.

Got a cold water model off Amazon for under $100, and love it. Not too much of a pain to install, and once it’s set it works great.

How I Use It

I lean forward so the cheeks open up like a delicate flower, then I turn the knob until I get a nice steady firehose blasting my asshole. I then shift my weight so the water runs along my crack, power washing each side in turn, then return to center for a final rinse of the dirty mud hole. If my butt’s a tingling from my unholy addiction to hot peppers, I might linger a bit to let the cool water soothe the pain, before finally turning off the water.

After a few seconds of dripping, it’s time for the paper. Grab a sheet or two and give a wipe, see if there’s any residue left. If so, keep wiping till it’s gone as usual, but using like 1/3 the paper you’d normally use for the same job. Now there’s no more raw asshole unless I get the shits at work and have to wipe with the literal tree bark they call toilet paper.

I can only think of 2 downsides to our bidet:

• Ours attaches to a regular toilet, and it does make it harder to clean particularly around the jet mechanism. Someone needs to invent a bidet for cleaning bidets.
• Going anyplace without one now makes me hate life.

I can’t believe I’m saying all this on the internet but here it goes.

I have TONS of food sensitivities, and IBS-C (mostly). Needless to say, I see the toilet a fair amount. I can’t believe I’m posting this. lol.

Pre bidet, things got tender, fissures, hemorrhoids, bleeding, etc were all pretty common. Post bidet, like never, or at least very rarely. I have to something incredibly stupid for any major issues now.

I got one of the expensive ones that has heated seat, deodorizer, heated water with multiple temp settings, multiple spray options, dryer (takes too long), etc. it wasn’t cheap. Every time I have to use the toilet in the wild, it’s terrible.

We went on vacation a while ago, and that whole week was rough. Never felt clean, and my rear was definitely sorer than when at home.

Basically, totally worth every penny. I can never go back.

To answer the bonus question, it will partly depend on the budget you get. If you get a manual one, it has a lever to move the water flow around. If it doesn’t, you just wiggle around a bit, to get the water where you want it. If you get one of the expensive ones, with a moving water nozzle, it does the bulk of the work for you, but you may still have to wiggle a little to get everywhere.

Once the water has washed everything away, you can either wait to drip dry, or if your bidet has a dryer you can use that, but typically I just take like 4-5 squares of TP to dry off. I use WAY less TP than ever.

Depending on the bidet you get, be ready for needing to get some conversion hardware to install it. The kohler one I got, didn’t have the correct fittings for standard American plumbing (doesn’t make a lot of sense but Home Depot guy already knew exactly what was going on and said it was super common).

I can answer any other specific questions you have too. Just ask.

how do I use a bidet?

1. After pooping, you continue to sit on the toilet.

2. You turn the knob on the bidet handle.

3. The stream sprays the shit flecks off your asshole, they go down into toilet.

4. Then you use a tiny portion of the TP you are accustomed to use to dry the whole situation.

You sit down. You turn on the spray of water. You shift around a little bit to wash around your anus. You turn the water off. You dry yourself (this also serves as an “insurance wipe” to find any shit that wasn’t washed off). That’s it.

A bidet will not cause pain if used appropriately. Toilet paper wiping is much more rough, especially when it takes 5 or 6 passes.

Loving the clear, graphic answers in here, so can I piggyback on this to ask a question for vagina owning bidet users please:

How do you use it so it doesn't sploosh poo bacteria into your vagina? Doesn't the water trickle down into your bits?

I am not a naysayer so I cant answer that part of your question, but as for what I do with our bidet: theres a little knob that I turn that starts the water spray at my butt, sometimes I might have to adjust the way Im sitting for it to hit the right area. For regular poops I spray for only a few seconds, but for gnarly ones I might do 10-20 seconds with some moving around to cover the whole area. Once I consider myself sprayed, I grab a few squares of TP and wipe to dry. Flush, wash hands, done

I have 2 in my home, one is the fancy one (not that fancy but 200 bucks from Costco on sale) the other is basic. Fancy one I feel like anyone would love, seat is warmed a little on cold mornings, has a heated tank for a perfectly gentle temperature, can adjust pressure and position (forward or back), can have a gentle pulse for extra cleaning assistance, and a dryer. The basic one is unheated and has a pressure knob that can go from gentle all the way up to blast you off the toilet, and you have to adjust yourself to the right spot. If you're willing to spend more for the nice options and have an outlet close enough to your toilet you'll likely be very happy. The basic one I'm very happy to use if the other is inaccessible and took some getting used to but still miles better than nothing. I never feel clean without a bidet anymore.

Naw I love high pressure ice water blasted deep into my anus

I've had one since about 2018 and I swear by it. Same kinda issue as you, sensitive stomach that results in 2+ BMs a day. I have the cheap kind because I have no access to the hot water or an outlet at the toilet. The cold water takes a little bit to get used to but once you're used to it, it can be refreshing, even when it's -40C out.

Like others I set the strength where I want and then blast the sides of the arse followed by some sustained starfish soaking. Let drip dry for a few min then use a few squares to dry and check for skids. The cleanliness afterwards is SO much higher than just TP. Plus on hot days sometimes a shot of cold water to the bum is refreshing and helps cool you down. Definitely helps with swamp ass.

The answer is no, bidets are the best way to clean up. Humanity has been using bidets dramatically longer than toilet paper has existed

I bought a deluxe model($400) at the beginning of the pandemic and I’ve never looked back. The model I have has a seat warmer, internal water heater, fan for drying and a few different spraying options.

I will say the fan is a bit lackluster but dries you as long as you don’t mind waiting a few mins. The different spraying options are nice - there is one called turbo mode that can be a little harsh but def leaves your butthole clean!

I honestly have no regrets at all and I’m pretty spoiled at this point. Curious to see if there’s any haters that will chime in as well.

The only downside I can think of are firstly that the water pressure for an attachment one can be painful if you turn it up to fast at first if you haven't gotten used to the knob. I did buy a cheap one without hot water at first but ended up buying another one with hot water as well. I'd be fine with the only cold water one, it's still 1000x better than toilet paper, but the hot water is nice in the winter. It's also annoying to clean around somewhat.

I guess I don't really fit the description in your title though, those are the downsides I can think of with mine though, also mine were the bidet attachments, not a full bidet.

It feels really uncomfortable, to the extreme. Theres no pain, but it feels wrong.

I bought a cheap one a while back, and I didn't like it. It was not a heated model, and I did not enjoy cold water spraying on my butt, especially in the winter.

At the time, I also had some painful anal issues that I was dealing with. The water pressure on mine felt quite strong and was painful for me.

I ended up switching to wipes, and they have worked wonderfully for me.

I don't own one, but any of the times I've ever tried using some sort of fancy toilet seat with a sprayer, it squirts at such a force that it's uncomfortable. It sucks because I have IBS and I have to be really picky about TP.

💀

I have the type that is basically a little shower head with a hose attached to the water supply next to the toilet. We use it to wash with soap after every toilet visit and it is fantastic. When I am away from it on holidays or trips I suffer.

I don't mind bidets, though I've never installed one, since I can't imagine they'd be fun to clean.

Here's the thing, though...I have a system I consider superior to a bidet in pretty much every way. See, I noticed a long time ago that I poop somewhere between 0.9 and 1.1 times per day on average, and I aim to shower at least once per day. I don't know about you, but I noticed a certain opportunity for synergy there. I call it the PoopShower system (patent pending), and after many years of using it, I don't feel adequately clean even after using a bidet. So my personal ranking is: PoopShower, (looooong gap), bidet, TP, newspaper, leaves.

Just be careful about the pressure. If I don't set mine to use both sprayers, it's going to jet water into your ass hole.