this post was submitted on 14 Aug 2023
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No Stupid Questions

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I have occasional bathroom issues caused by food sensitivities (damn your delicious yet toxic nature, nacho cheese).

These bathroom issues involves pooping a bunch of times in one day. The frequent pooping and wiping severely irritate my poor butthole, aggravating hemorrhoids and anal fissures.

I know lots of people around here swear by the miracle of bidets, but before I start shopping around, I'm wondering if there are any naysayers out there who just don't like bidets, along with why that's the case.

Bonus question: how do I use a bidet? Most of the instructions I've found are a bit delicate about the details. Anyone want to give me a detailed description of how and what to do?

My swollen, bloody anus thanks you.

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Loving the clear, graphic answers in here, so can I piggyback on this to ask a question for vagina owning bidet users please:

How do you use it so it doesn't sploosh poo bacteria into your vagina? Doesn't the water trickle down into your bits?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I can provide you the answer my partner gave me to the same question. The bidet provides water with a direction to it. You wash front to back, so all the material is lifted and pushed further away from the vulva and only fresh clean water arrives at the vulva itself. Also, as in chemistry, dilution is the solution, as you are washing less and less undesirable material left and the water runs cleaner and cleaner. So take extra time, wash front to back, and do multiple slow passes.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

For handheld bidets or the hose attachment this applies, the ones where it is fixed have much more flow and deal with the problem that way. That said, I've never used one of those so I can't say.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Ah! Thanks for this. I didn't know about the water direction. This makes sense now.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You have to angle your body such that the water drips straight down and not toward the front. It requires some practice to get the hang of.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

How much practice? I'm not very good at practicing. If something is a faff I'm liable to give up quickly, particularly if it's something that could be icky.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

You can probably get it down in one sitting. Just make sure you can get the angle right before actually going so you don't end up with an infection.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Unless you’re lying facedown on the toilet, it will need to trickle UP into your bits.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

When you're sitting the arse sits a bit above the vulva, height wise. Just didn't like the idea of water trickling poo down between my flaps, where it could then get into the vagina.