this post was submitted on 14 Aug 2023
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No Stupid Questions

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I have occasional bathroom issues caused by food sensitivities (damn your delicious yet toxic nature, nacho cheese).

These bathroom issues involves pooping a bunch of times in one day. The frequent pooping and wiping severely irritate my poor butthole, aggravating hemorrhoids and anal fissures.

I know lots of people around here swear by the miracle of bidets, but before I start shopping around, I'm wondering if there are any naysayers out there who just don't like bidets, along with why that's the case.

Bonus question: how do I use a bidet? Most of the instructions I've found are a bit delicate about the details. Anyone want to give me a detailed description of how and what to do?

My swollen, bloody anus thanks you.

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[–] clive 18 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I am not a naysayer so I cant answer that part of your question, but as for what I do with our bidet: theres a little knob that I turn that starts the water spray at my butt, sometimes I might have to adjust the way Im sitting for it to hit the right area. For regular poops I spray for only a few seconds, but for gnarly ones I might do 10-20 seconds with some moving around to cover the whole area. Once I consider myself sprayed, I grab a few squares of TP and wipe to dry. Flush, wash hands, done

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

Yes, this is the procedure. I would miss my bidet if it went away. And the cold water doesn't bother me--it's rather bracing and refreshing!

The only thing I would change about mine is that I wish I could fine-tune the pressure dial. There's a very small range between "OFF" and "FIREHOSE"--but I have the basic, entry-level model.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

The knob can also control the strength of the stream; if I recall correctly, digital bidets' (the kind with warming and a whole set of buttons) spray strength options are more discrete. Maximum intensity is too much for me, but if you have an analog bidet, then turning the knob only a little and adjusting the way I sit as needed is quite effective.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I truly don’t want to meet the person with the butthole than can withstand my bidet’s max stream. Mine has like 7+ dots to mark intensity and I can barely go to 2 and I feel like I’ll start striping skin anything higher. Idk maybe it’s for hairy butts?? If so then I understand, but that pressure on raw hole is scary.