this post was submitted on 21 Oct 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] phdepressed 12 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

Transcription:

My lawyer just called and asked if I was ready for court tomorrow. Said hell, yeah, I ain't goin' see I been spending the last 6 months booby trapping my entire 500 acres. I got snake pits, rolling logs, bear traps, I got some straight up Indiana Jones shit. I got a fucking boulder that'll fall down when you open my front door. 120 coyotes that I trained to bite anything with a crew cut and a badge. I flew an old Vietnamese man or here, he helped me dig about 12 miles worth of underground tunnels. I have 450 cameras. I've rigged the solar panels all around this motherfucker. I got a Bengal tiger locked in my fucking bathroom who'd kill for a pork chop right now. You know it's surprisingly easy to teach a raccoon how to loosen log nuts and cut brake lines. If rather live the rest of my life in these woods living of fucking wild ginseng and creek water than go to fucking jail one more time. I don't even try bringing no helicopters round here neither like I got a whole fucking coop of pigeons with c4 tied around their feets got a bunch of pvc pipe filled with gunpowder and ball bearings and a baboon who is deadly accurate with a nail gun.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 48 minutes ago

Well, his sister, same thing...

[–] mindbleach 1 points 5 hours ago

Watched it muted the first time and still heard "creek" with an i.

[–] [email protected] 68 points 19 hours ago (3 children)

Im not reading those fucking subtitles. Who came out with this epilepsy inducing shit?

We invented static subtitles fucking ages ago but some social media asshole had to fuck it up with something that constantly moves because teenagers would loose attention and stop reading mid sentence. Fuck those subtitles. Fuck short videos and fuck internet.

Yeah, Im done.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 hours ago
[–] [email protected] 27 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

sometimes I like the constantly changing subtitles when watching funny stuff, I don't like it when the subtitles shows the whole sentence and gives away the joke before the guy says it (I read fast sometimes)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 hours ago

That! Sometimes the static subtitles are way too long and take away from the fun of watching the movie. It's an art to find the balance between constantly changing and too static.

[–] [email protected] -4 points 6 hours ago
[–] logos 25 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Word. Since when do country folk support police? They’re always getting in the way of our shenanigans.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago)

Real rednecks say: fuck the law

[–] [email protected] 13 points 23 hours ago

Was this done by the bad lip syncing guys? Great work

[–] CanadianCarl 7 points 22 hours ago (4 children)

I can't read that fast, may someone write a transcript, or summarise it for me?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 hours ago

There are baboons that are good with nail guns, 12 miles of underground tunnels, cameras with solar panales, raccoons trained to loosen lug nuts and cut brakelines, something about coyotes, pigeons with c4 strapped to them and our boy ain't going back to jail.

[–] ColeSloth 8 points 13 hours ago

Listen to the audio?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 12 hours ago

I would but I'm blind

[–] Hideakikarate 11 points 22 hours ago

Man really doesn't want to go to prison. Lays out elaborate traps to keep law enforcement off his "500 acres".

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

ATF: "120 angry canines to you say?"