Thoughts and prayers for the one patient for whom it actually was a freak accident

This sign is bullshit, I accidentally put my prostate massager in my butt all the time, sometimes twice in one day.

If i ever get something stuck up my ass while trying to pleasure myself and need medical help to remove it, I will absolutely try to come up with the most convoluted and ridiculous story for how it got there. Not out of embarrasment, but just to give the ER nurses a good laugh.

who tf putting a key up there?

This sign was made by someone who's never wiped with single-ply before.

...and I got news for you, if someone is trying to get you to pull marbles out their ass, then that's their fetish... Because no one is worried that small marble sized balls won't eventually come out naturally... They're looking to bring attention that they're up there (and possibly to get someone to try to get them out). People are weird.

"Million to one shot, doc"

"We are discreet. But we also think it's funny."

I know from first hand experience you can't do it by accident as one time, hung over and showering in the dark in the early morning i got a little dizzy and sat down.

Perfectly meeting my starfish to the shampoo bottle on the floor. It could not have been more on target had i attempted this.

I shot up, seeing stars like for real for only the second time in my life. I wasnt dizzy, I was up and at em' baby. Wooo what a rush! Hurt a lot for a minute. Hard as i sat down I don't think that bottle tip made it a millimeter into my pooper.

So yeah, impossible

... that sign ... they just kept it because it seemed funny after they retrieved it from a pacient.

Egg? What if it cracks?!

Missed the opportunity to put a golden watch on that picture.

I know a medical coder that works exclusively with an ER. Oh the stories I've heard...