this post was submitted on 01 Aug 2024
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Not the Onion

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For news articles which seem so much like satire that you're surprised they're not from The Onion.

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[–] [email protected] 47 points 3 months ago (5 children)

That website was so awful I had to look up the story from another source lol

Her "bag of drugs" contained:

3.25 grams of cocaine 1.75 grams of crack cocaine 1 gram of crystal meth 1.5 pills of hydromorphone 2 pills of amphetamine 4.5 pills of alprazolam metal spoon 4 glass pipes with residue plastic baggies with white residue full needle 2 straws

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 months ago

Fuuuuuun. I’ve always wanted a collection of drugs. That scene in Fear & Loathing always had me jealous.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago

I applaud her responsible labeling and commitment to diversity!

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago

"...once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can."

[–] Dufurson 3 points 3 months ago

seems like a regular Monday

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

No Chore Boy? Amateur.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 3 months ago
[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Is this one of those Macedonian websites that completely fabricates stories for pageviews?

They have this story as well: https://inshort.geartape.com/man-becomes-10-years-younger-after-93-days-at-bottom-of-the-atlantic/

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Have you spent 93 days at the bottom of the Atlantic? It is life changing

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago (1 children)

We should all do this once every ten years. Live forever.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Almost like some sort of fountain of youth

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

Yes, chronic sleep deprivation from your Chief yelling at you is often life changing, but at least you get to hug a torpedo

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

It's the hydration that makes all the difference. I think.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I had a band in the 90s named after a guy we called punker Mike. He always came to our practices with a bag of various drugs. He called it his trailmix. We named that band, Mike's Trailmix.

Good times. I think. Can't really remember.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Good times. I think. Can't really remember.

That’s how you can tell they were.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

I mean... even without drugs, "time flies when you're having fun" is an expression for a reason.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Does she keep her money in a big bag with a dollar sign on it?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

Don't do that or you have to pay Gene Simmons and no that isn't a joke, he copyrighted the cartoon bag of money.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

Man I hate when I lose my bag of drugs in my pile of random drugless bags.

This life pro tip is going to save me so much time to do more drugs!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

Part of me respects her being responsible

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

"They’ll never look in here!"

[–] Imgonnatrythis 4 points 3 months ago

A lot of drug users have poor organizational skills. Maybe this one is self medicating for ocd?