No Stupid Questions

20 years ago when my wife and I first got together, we had a lot of minor issues like this (minor to me not for you).

She was a “come here” lady and I would prance, leap, breathe like a dog, move my head in joyous ways and bark as I came to her. It was a hilarious way for me to say it’s kinda disrespectful.

It’s all about communication. Just have a talk. These days, it’s all “hey babe, check out this funny video!” Or she will “hey look at the mess you left, come clean it up, I’m not your maid” and we’d joke about getting her a maid outfit for fun times. lol

You are normal and have every right to be bothered by it. Have a chat with them and let them know how much it bugs you, and offer them an easy fix: just provide context.

My wife doesn't do it all the time more when we first got together but she would call my name, like I'm a fucking dog. I just started saying "What?" Sometimes she would just say "come here" as a response and I would just give an akward silence for a second and say "Why?" with some attitude behind it. She figured out that it bothered me and stopped. Communication is cool.

Because “come here” is a command, and when a pattern emerges over the lifetime of a relationship it is disrespectful to you. Are you a dog?

I have a different nickname for my wife when I want her to come to me. So it's just so easy I just have to shout and she'll show up in a matter of seconds. But if call her by regular name, she'll just reply asking. WHAAAT?

Also I think you're bothered because "come here" is just so basic, feels like an order, we see ourselves as something being told to dogs. Just two more words can change the tone a lot "can you come here?"

tell him to stop issueing the command of "come here," and instead offer up alternatives.

"Hey, you got a second to see this?"

"Honey, you gotta check this out!"

"Honey, drop everything you're doing and run to me"

"Hey babe, come experience this crazy thing with me!"

I have a similar issue with a co-worker that I trained under for a while: when he wanted to show me how to do a thing, he wouldn't tell me what he was instructing me on, he would just start walking me through steps so that he could reveal what was finished at the end.

I ended up having a blow up where I told him to tell me what I was doing before I started doing it, and that he isn't a fucking magician.

Editted to add: I started calling him Houdini for a while, which is what made him stop

I guess it bothers you as it's a command, not a request. I'm not to responsive to commands as well. My wife doesn't give them, but states a situation, usually expecting I drop everything and respond. (almost as bad)

As someone already reacted, in the car I get a 'look' as well, but th's usually because she sees an old car. (When busy with traffic, I miss it, but we have some nice spots)

Some consideration from your partner is appreciated though, but that requires telling what is wrong as well. Without communication the problem only escalates. (Which usually doesn't bode well for relationships)

My mother is like this as well, when I was little she used to only say "come here!", and if I wasn't showing up right next to her she wouldn't say what she wanted to say, she would just stay silent. Sometimes it was only to let me know it was someone's birthday.

She even says it unconsciously now. She lives in Venezuela, I live in Brazil now, and during calls she still says "come here" and every time I tell her "Now how am I gonna go there right now? Are you paying for the plane tickets?"

It's not just you, you're not mental, it's fucking frustrating and at some point in my life I just decided not to react to her "come here" and keep quiet until she tells me what she wants, otherwise I'm not interested.

You hate it precisely because of how you described it. It's a game where you often end up paying a price, where the reveal is more often a punishment, not a reward. You've sensibly learned to dread it.

His half of the game is that always gets is to see your reaction in the moment. If it's something bad, he gets a big reaction out of you. It's always a payout for him. Not for you.

I think you alone might need some counseling. Because that is not healthy. Just enjoy the fact that your partner invests time, thought and energy in you by showing you stuff.

Follow up question, have you had a discussion with him about this? Have you two attempted to approach and solve this problem as a team already?

it’s more to do with their inability to use words to describe what they are seeing. Lack of ability to communicate. And yes, it can be very exhausting. You just reminded me of one relationship I’m actually very very relieved it ended because he was very much a draining human being.

I hate it, too. It's like someone ordering a circus animal to perform.

I also hate it when I get vague open-ended texts like "favor?".

Why

Because you're not the property of a huge baby