this post was submitted on 15 Jun 2024
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I was a non functioning alcoholic and ran with some rough types in my late teens/early 20s and have both kicked ass and had my ass kicked. Mostly drunken barfights.

One time someone legitimately mistook me for someone else and started cussing at me, so I started cussing back and pushed him to the ground. He got up and did a really neat move actually where he faked a kick and then socked me right in the cheek, knocked me on my ass. I apologized, got up, we figured out the misunderstanding and he bought me a beer.

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[–] [email protected] 98 points 3 months ago (3 children)

I drove through southern England in a camper van. A car coming the other way at a narrow part of the road stopped and the driver motioned for me to wind my window down. I stopped beside him and did so cause I thought he wanted to ask or tell me something. He punched me in the face and drove off.
To this day I have no idea what that was about, the only explanation I could come up with were my German license plates.

[–] [email protected] 55 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I'm sorry that must have sucked, but that's a hilarious story

[–] [email protected] 41 points 3 months ago

Luckily there isn't much weight behind an upwards punch from a car seat. He knocked my glasses down, otherwise I was completely bewildered but unhurt.

[–] [email protected] 49 points 3 months ago (1 children)

ah, a local welcome punch. a highest honor

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago

In some towns that makes you the mayor.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You were on the right lane 🙂

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

No. Most of the world drives on the right lane. The British drive on the correct lane.

[–] [email protected] 61 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Does getting knocked out by walking into a glass door count? Broke my nose, btw.

[–] [email protected] 58 points 3 months ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 50 points 3 months ago

Not as powerful as the glass door, though.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

Get busy walking or get busy dying. #volkswalk

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

This made me laugh out loud and now my wife wants to know what was funny... Thank you.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 3 months ago

The only person I have ever punched and been actually punched by is my brother. I forget what we were yelling at in our apartment but we're twins. We got each other in headlocks and just traded punches to the dome. I'm sure that looked like a cartoon from an outside perspective.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 months ago

I signed up for it (Muay Thai)

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I got jumped out of nowhere by two guys on my way home in the night. It sucked. Couldn't get it out of my mind for the next six months or so.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Shit, that had to suck. Did they rob you?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

No. And it was really also only one good sucker punch, so definitely could have come worse. What messed me up mentally too was that it happened like 200m from my appartment.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

That's super traumatic! I'm so sorry that happened to you.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

All good now.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago

I like to box, but I'm also not super good at it so multiple times.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago

My brother and I were dancing at his wedding. He was imitating dance-moves that Mac from IASIP does with his elbows and accidentally bow’ed me in the jaw. It hurt but was pretty funny.

Same brother as a teen was showing me his shadow-boxing skills and punched my nose. Again it was funny, but it made me cry lol. Obviously I’m the younger sibling..

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Threw a man’s belongings off a train because he was listening to music without headphones.

Worth it.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I was maybe a little inebriated, and he was very rude.

He had to wait for the next train, and I had a sore jaw for a week. Mild inconveniences al round. I think everyone got what they deserved.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago

You're doing God's work.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 months ago

I don't think I ever got punched in the face. Haven't even been in a fight.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago

I got socked trying to break up a 5 man brawl at a steak n shake.

Pulled a guy off another guy and he turned around and punched me in the eye. That was right before someone threw a chair through one of the windows.

Everyone just kinda stopped after that and the dude that punched me apologized.

That was kind of the end of the whole ordeal as everyone just kinda left real quick.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 months ago

Only if you count the accidental backhanded punch of my ex-wife while I was having a dream where I got attacked and had to punch someone.

I've never been punched in the face, only had my face full force thrust into a vending machine by a teenage bully when I was like 8 or 9 because I wouldn't let him cut in the long line at the pool and use the money I had already started putting in the machine.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

Got punched over the counter while working at a liquor store. The dude had been 6 times already that day to get our cheapest/highest ABV Beer and was back for more when suddenly he decided the price was too high. He argued with me (working solo at the time) and things escalated to the point where he pooped me in the nose. I was able to dodge most of the force of it due to the distance and his drunkenness, but he got the tip of my nose with a clumsy naymaker.

After he hit me he suddenly had a realization about what he'd done and he ran away as I threatened to call the cops (an empty threat, I live in America and only call the cops when someone might die because calling the American cops might be the cause of someone's death). Never saw him again.

The kicker is that he'd already paid for his beer when he started the argument and forgot to grab it as he ran.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

Yeah. Super drunk dude who got thrown out of a bar decided everyone was on his shitlist. Apparently, he was known to the cops. I was standing outside and dude ran up in punched me. I hadn't said a word to him the whole night. Not sure why he picked me. He appeared to be coked out, so there's that. He was arrested for something else (DV, I think) not long after.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 months ago

I work with aggressive teenagers, so once or twice a year.

[–] Assman 4 points 3 months ago

Back when MMA was a new thing I did a class. Made my ears ring lol

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

Only by the dog, who didn't really mean it.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Many many times. Because I boxed. Nothing more fun than being punched in the face under the right conditions.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

When I was 22 y.o. I punched someone from the rival team in a football match until he fell to the floor because he pushed a teammate into a rocky slope after the ball was out of play. I got expelled from the league (and the match obviously). I got kicked and punched but not in the face by the rest of his teammates.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 months ago

If you're counting early 20's as "adult" then yeah, although looking back, I acted nothing like an adult. Adults don't get into fistfights in the tavern parking lot.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

Once, a couple of months ago when a junkie broke into my house.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

I've never really been punched in the face even when I was a kid, unless you count protruding inanimate objects slamming into me. Isn't the head, which contains the skull, a rather unattractive spot to strike one's first move on?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

so many times. abusive gf. boxing lessons. getting jumped by 10 people. fights... etc

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago

I've taken some practice swords to the face while wearing a plate helmet, if that counts.

[–] [email protected] -4 points 3 months ago (2 children)

No.

I've been able to identify potential incidents before they get out of hand and diffuse them.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago
[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Diffuse can be used as a verb meaning "to spread out" or an adjective meaning "not concentrated." It is often confused with defuse, which can only be a verb. The original meaning of defuse was "to take the fuse off a bomb," but the word now usually means "to make less dangerous or tense."

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 months ago

I'm assuming that's for other people reading as I don't really care to correct my grammar that much on Lemmy.