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Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
I made fake adoption papers on my parent’s Apple IIc, printed them, then “weathered” the paper by burning the edges and yellowing them with a Pepsi bath.
I then tried to convince my little sister that we were not related. She was 6, believed that’s what 6 year old papers looked like, and cried a lot.
I was a shitty kid.
Holy shit, haha - is lemmy the new 4chan?
He didn't try to sleep with his sister afterwards, so no
He saved that for the greentext
A long time ago, I worked in a computer repair shop. An old lady brought in her desktop for malware removal. It was a nicely spec’d machine, and included an Intel Core 2 Quad Q6700.
At the time, I had a Core 2 Duo E6600, I was on a tight budget, and was big into gaming.
“She’ll be fine.” “She doesn’t even know what’s in there now.” “She’s not using it to its full potential…”
I convinced myself it was a victimless crime.
I swapped the processors. :(
Did it make much of a difference in gaming?
Honestly, probably not, but I was also getting into running VMs and such as well, which did.
Yeah I doubt she'd notice. She probably only did basic stuff like sending emails and facsbook and stuff.
I got detention off of a teacher for saying "Hitler the Shitler" or "Hitler is a Shitler" or something suchlike during a lesson, even though several other kids had already said it and didn't get in trouble.
Technically, the detention was for swearing, though I chose to interpret it as "Miss Teacher loves Hitler and he is her boyfriend".
I instigated a petty campaign of cartoons, blackboard messages, textbook graffiti and just general rumours that this poor teacher was genuinely a Hitler-loving-Nazi, and had a Hitler shrine in her house. As I was generally honest, well behaved etc, it was readily believed and spread quickly.
As she was relatively unpopular as a teacher, many of the other students joined in, goosestepping past her in the corridor, nazi saluting behind her back etc.
After a few weeks, upon entering the classroom to find a full blackboard chalk cartoon of her and Hitler getting married, she started crying and shouted at us and we all felt awful.
I apologised to her after the lesson, and she actually apologised for unfairly singling me out for punishment "to set an example" and oddly, we actually got on pretty well after that, and the Hitler jokes faded out naturally.
She wanted to single out a student, instead singled out herself as a Hitler lover.
Playing in the yard when I was little, I had sharpened a stick to a point. I saw my little brother running across the yard. In my head, I imagined throwing the "spear" through his legs and tripping him. That would have been enough of a dick move. Instead, I skewered him directly in the ankle. He had to get stitches.
that's surprising for a "little" child to do
Kids can be surprisingly coordinated. I remember one early Christmas morning, when my sister and I had gotten up while it was still dark out, and I asked her to toss me the flashlight.
The next thing I saw was a giant blue Maglite flying end over end towards my face. Luckily the impact only cut my lip, but man that was a scary few seconds.
I gotta remember to add joke shop blood to my edc just in case a situation like that comes up, I guess.
I'm not sure why I had it I remember the only things I bought in the lake district was that kendlemint (local sweet) and a tiny camera that was barely larger than the film cannister.
Oh I remember buying the little paper bangers that needed to be thrown at the ground to explode as well. Apparently that traumatised a member of the staff walking through the car park when I sent a few through the window.
How long ago was this? I'd have pissed myself too if I heard bangs walking through a parking lot in NI.
Literally just kicked out a friend who's been staying at my house for months. I don't like it, but he has his own house with a housing voucher and will try to bullshit his way through anything. The dude's been camping my house smoking weed all day every day enjoying my house more than I get to and keeping the kitchen trashed.
I don't think it's my responsibility to save him from the hole he's dug one shovel full per day while expecting us to deal with it.
That sucks but it's not a dick move on your part. Was literally talking to a coworker who did that to a friend decades ago (he's in his early 60s) and said he would basically shack up in everyone's basement until they kicked him out. Sometimes weeks, sometimes months, living off others good will until none was left.
I know I'm not in the wrong, but I don't want things to suck for him. However, I want my space even more and can't abide being used like this.
This is not a scumbag move this is setting a very reasonable boundary. They can figure their own stuff out.
In 7th grade science class, I convinced a classmate the substance we were about to test was cocoa and he should taste it. It was dirt.
To be fair, raw cocoa pretty much tastes like dirt.
I have a million of these because for most of my young life I was a real piece of garbo. I've already talked on here once about my ghostbusters thing so I won't go into that again because it's in my post history but here are a few choice examples:
Had my lab partner completely convinced marshmallows were a special kind of sap harvested from exotic trees.
Many grievances against my sisters including: Convincing them that milk containers at dairy processing plants contained cows stacked vertically (complete with sound effects while we drove past) for many years, ghost living in the attic (me), and that my father had another family
Developed software for the express purpose of cheating in Runescape and then sold both the software and the rewards won by the software. Not my best moment but not quite as bad as
Bought herbal smoke alternatives off the internet and fumed them with liquor and wormwood and sold it to my high school aged peers as weed.
Marshmallows originally were made from a herbaceous perennial called Marsh Mallow (Althaea officinalis). I think you get a pass on that one.
Convinced several people in high school that mixing mineral turpentine into their drinks was a good idea.
I was doing it too but still seems pretty messed up to take others down with me.
So uh, why'd ya do that?
Because we were young and stupid. It only happened once - once was enough.
But I mean, what was the goal? Was it supposed to get you high or something? I've never heard of this and couldn't find anything when I looked it up
We were hoping it made you drunk faster but most likely we just got kidney damage and neurotoxicity.
What can I say, it was hazardous being a bored teenager in the days before the internet.
You should've just drank bong water instead.
I was one of those 80s latchkey kids with very little supervision growing up. I stole a lot of stuff, from stores, from my friends, from school. I stole change from my parents to buy candy. I would lead my friends on wild goose chases through abandoned buildings and vacant construction sites. We shattered windows and set fires. I would go through my parent's belongings and find presents they'd hidden for Christmas, carefully open them, play with them, then put them back as I found them.
I was never caught doing any of it. I was a little shit, and it's one of the many reasons I'll never have my own kids, because I worry they'll be just like me or worse.
Older brother used to be stronger than me and always beat me in fights. One time when we were both playing with crafts (cutting paper and gluing stuff) I took the scissors and cut up his hands. Skin sliced like paper. He was bleeding everywhere and my parents were a mix of shock and yelling at me about what made me do that.
I felt kinda bad tbh, but I maintained a straight face and tried to justify it.
How old were you?!
37
So, NSFW story time...
!I used to hook up with a dude who precummed (precame?) a lot. He also had really bad tasting jizz. I am also that person that totally loses interest in sex the moment I cum. For at least 10-15 minutes after I get off I have no interest in sex. So whenever I would to over and he would blow me, I would have some excuse why I couldn't recip. To include discreetly setting fake calls on my phone to ring right after I came. I feel really bad now for using him the way I did. I'd have let him top if he'd wanted to, but he never wanted to, and he never wanted to let me blow him first (which I wouldn't have wanted to do, but would have powered through probably). I was young, and didn't really have the nerve to discuss taste and stuff with him. I'm not that douchebag now, but I still feel guilty about it. !<
Convinced my grade 1 friend that the Elbow River in Calgary was named because it was so corrosive, a boys' elbow dissolved when he tripped and fell in. "It's also known as 'The Dissolving River'"
When I was in middle school, like a lot of us I was an idiot who had no social skills and no skill in emotional self-regulation.
One day, between classes as I walked from one classroom building to the next, I had a sucker in my hand. I don’t remember what kind (this was in the early 90s) but it was big, sweet, and on a stick.
A classmate (black) came up behind me (white), smacked the sucker out of my hand onto the ground, and laughed as he jogged onto the next building. I shouted “you fucking n-word!” at him except I used the actual hard r slur and not the circumlocution.
Neither of us got in any trouble that I can remember. No teachers, staff, or snitches were nearby.
Middle aged me has a much larger and more creative vocabulary and would have never needed to stoop so low as to use racial slurs. Also, middle aged me wouldn’t eat suckers any more because of health concerns. I’m assuming the classmate involved has similarly grown and matured and no longer smacks candy out of peoples hands for fun.
I don't know if it's the biggest but I used a highlighter and drew a huge line on a girl's shirt in 6th grade
In high school, I was oblivious that one of my coworkers had a crush on me. They went to a different high school and invited me to their prom. I was surprised and said yes without thinking, then proceeded to ghost them until they gave up.
I had really bad panic attacks at some point and I decided the best way to deal with it was to ditch everything in my life and move back in with my parents. It was really shitty for my partner who kept living over while I was basically broken for half a year.
Admittedly though, I was really freaked out because I didn’t know what panic attacks were.
I had a few bad breakups in my late teens and early 20's. Just shitty young people stuff but for a bunch of reasons I've spent the following 15 to 20 years unpacking, I took poorly.
I got a job as a bouncer, I was 25, I was in pretty good shape and I spent the next 3 years being an atrociously shameless fuckboy. I never lied or took advantage, I never misled or coerced but I was absolutely shameless. At the time I kind of figured turnarounds are fair game but in hindsight I probably owe some apologies.
According to my camp counselor, going all in during a game of poker where I knew everyone else at the table were dumbasses who were going to all take the bait for the lulz
It was because it was supposed to be a group bonding activity and my play ended the game when there was still a half hour in the schedule XD
I carried a bag of scum down my driveway.
In highschool I keyed a random porsh
One of my best friends moved across the country to chase after a girl and came home with her. She was never working and I worked over nights. Everyone always came over to my house to hang out, meet up and party. We hooked up. I still hate that I did it. But he and are still friends and talk regularly. He has a new wife and awesome life.
This one is a bit hard to admit but I was the other person in an affair with a coworker of mine when I worked in food service. I'm recently single and we've been hanging out more again, but shes in a different relationship now. It seems like it may or may not be going in that direction again and while I acknowledge how shitty and scummy it is, I'm not going to lie and say I wouldn't like to sleep with her again. im still being respectful and not trying to impose, but i don't know that ill turn down the opportunity if it presents itself.
Foodservice jobs are primarily for rent but secondarily for hookups, so yeah. There's something carnal about feeding people that pulls out other carnal behavior.
When I was like 8, I allegedly ... Illegally acquired... A beanie baby. I .. may have just carried it out of a mall while Christmas shopping.
This is all hypothetical, of course. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that a tiny stuffed ferret was as close as I was going to get to owning a ferret. That would be silly.
Clicking "I have read the terms and conditions" when I didn't.
One of my bullies in middle school was playing Pokémon Ruby on the way home from a field trip. I asked if I could try it before we got back to school, and oddly enough he let me. I loosened the cartridge and slid it out as i handed it back to him, put it in my sock, and hurried home. Erased his data, beat the game with my own team then gave it back in the middle of class. He grabbed my shirt and put me against a wall, but ended up getting suspended because a teacher saw it.
