this post was submitted on 22 Mar 2024
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[–] [email protected] 91 points 5 months ago (1 children)

There was a post a few weeks ago referring to seals as "300kg cats with the emotional stability of a toddler and the morals of a seagull."

So... yeah.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 5 months ago (2 children)

the morals of a seagull

im going to fucking collapse

[–] [email protected] 14 points 5 months ago (2 children)

The seagulls will eat you, no ragrets

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago

It's some kind of birdemic. With other animals, such as seals.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

They’ll swallow you for sure

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[–] MeDuViNoX 7 points 5 months ago
[–] [email protected] 48 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

I only have experience with one of them - sea lions. I was working on a survey ship, and we had these buoys in the water that we serviced from time to time. One of these buoys, uppon approaching, turned out to have a sea lion chilling on top.

He fucked off when we started getting really close, but when we got the buoy onboard he had left a massive turd on top of this cable connector that I needed to unplug. Very unfriendly. 0/10, would not recommend this friendship.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

I would like to have a civil conversation about your statement. Would you mind showing me evidence of any negative thing any sea lion has ever done to you?

...sorry, I couldn't resist.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Wild animals are 100% preservation first. The elephants, seals and sea lions that you see being nice to people have been trained that people are not a threat.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago
[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Absolutely, wild animals are wild, never forget

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago

Well shiiiit

During a show at the Mirage on Horn's birthday on October 3, 2003, a seven-year-old white tiger named Mantacore attacked Horn. (The name of the tiger has frequently been misspelled as "Montecore" in media reports.[16]) As part of the act, but veering off script, Horn held the microphone to Mantacore's mouth and told him to say "hello" to the audience. Mantacore responded by biting Horn's sleeve. Horn swatted the tiger and barked "release!", while standby trainers unsuccessfully attempted to distract the cat with cubes of meat. Possibly incited by Horn's retreat, the tiger leapt at Horn, swinging at his legs and knocking him off his feet.[16]

As trainers rushed to the stage to assist, Mantacore bit into Horn's neck and dragged him offstage toward his cage. Trainers finally got the tiger to release Horn by spraying him with CO2 fire extinguisher canisters, which was the last resort available.[16]

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 5 months ago (2 children)

In the wild, all three are territorial, aggressively horny, and articulate enough to be known to kill their own young at times. So not particularly.

[–] Mouselemming 18 points 5 months ago (5 children)

I'm having a hard time with "articulate" in this context...?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Perhaps it means "aggressive" in Autocorrectese?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago (1 children)

What I meant by "articulate" is most species wouldn't fathom killing their young as a form of expression of angst. However, in elephants, seals, and walruses, this isn't an uncommon thing to see in the wild, in fact a large percentage of the ones in zoos have been victims of the elephant/walrus/seal equivalent of unexplained child abuse that were "adopted" by zookeepers.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I'm really confused then, since "articulate" to me means clear, distinct speech, being good with words, or having the power of speech. I don't know what it means in this context.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago (2 children)

"Articulate" as in a rough synonym of expressive. Art is articulate. Gaming can be articulate. Or at least that's what I'm going by. I learned full English later in life, which may explain why some people say my word choice isn't 100% analogous to its closest counterpart.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Ah, I see where you're coming from with that interpretation, thanks for the clarification! (For what it's worth, for this English speaker, "articulate" has a very strong connotation of speech.)

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[–] Mouselemming 3 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Articulate can relate to physical flexibility, jointedness, which isn't a strong point for seals on land, and may contribute to their tendency to squash their pups. Speaking clearly is also not a strong point.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago

Or, or what if a seal could make a few human noise yeah? Or?

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I thought my English failed me, but it is flawlessing as altimes.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

English fail you? That's unpossible!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

Deft perhaps? Able to catch little nimble ones such as your human self or their own offspring?

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I think people assume they're friendly because they can be pretty curious, which can appear like friendliness, but I've heard they're aggressive biters when messed with.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago

They have a high bar as well. You could do so much as try to get too comfortable near their flock and they'll attack you. All three animals have a known altruistic side, but this is balanced by a heightened degree of erraticness.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 5 months ago

They will fuck you up if you get too close for comfort.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Oh sure. People go clubbing with seals all the time!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

Oh I hate that I'm giving you an upvote!

[–] [email protected] 21 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Considering they're are carnivorous predators I wouldn't touch them with a pole.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Not even if the pole were eight feet long?

[–] [email protected] 16 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Not even if the pole was the meanest, toughest slav in eastern europe

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

Wish I could upvote you twice

[–] [email protected] 15 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Seals are pretty food motivated and are willing to hang so long as there's a treat supply.

Walruses and sea lions will generally fuck your shit up.

If you can't tell the difference, it's best to just stay away.

Keep your dogs away:

https://youtube.com/shorts/J-GHJwcWCmM

Keep your kids away:

https://youtu.be/lZmWJprWtRo

Keep your cars away:

https://youtu.be/z7KsXwO6Ymw

(note, that last one is actually a seal, not a sea lion).

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

that's wild with the kid, but why let the kid sit there

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Surprised I haven't seen this in the thread yet. It happened a few years back and was caught on camera.

Sea Lion Snatches Little Girl And Drags Her Into Water.

Pretty disturbing watch honestly.

Edit: oh someone had indeed posted it

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Sometimes but not always. Dominant males especially can be dangerously aggressive.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

Also moms protecting their offsprings.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 months ago

Having read the question, I find that I'm really invested in the idea of a world where this is true. I would give them so many scritches.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 months ago

Only when they've been stuffed or turned into a coat or rug (or ivory carvings in the case of walruses, specifically the tusks) they're assholes otherwise.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago

I remember reading a story related by a nature photographer who was swimming with leopard seals. Apparently one of them liked him, and thought he might be hungry, so it casually ripped the head off a penguin and offered him the corpse.

[–] prettybunnys 3 points 5 months ago (3 children)

Yes and they love being pet, next time you’re at the zoo hop the fence and give it a go.

The fence is just there to keep predators out.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

The fence is just there to keep predators out.

We have probably killed and eaten more of every animal species at a zoo than vice versa.

So in a sense...

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

That's stupid. A blooded Yautja can easily jump over 18' vertically and some clans can jump over 40' vertically, no chance those little barriers are going to stop one from getting at their quarry.

[–] prettybunnys 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Oh no my mistake (well yours too really) I didn’t mean Predators, as you well know Yautja are natural allies of aquatic mammals.

I am of course referring to the common human toddler as the most violent predator to these beautiful creatures.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

This is why we have cribs. It's for us, not for them.

Harambe literally got mauled to death by one of those devils. I'm pro choice for a reason.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

being pet

Isn't 'petted' the past participle in English? Otherwise it's cosplay.

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