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That works for a hangout, but not for a date. That's a good way to end up in the "friendzone" if he's looking for a relationship.
I think my issue with it is that OP wants it to be a date. If it's a date in OP's mind, but he asks for a simple hangout, and she agrees, did OP get a date?
If OP thinks it's a date and the girl doesn't, then that's setting up OP with problems down the line.
I don't think it would come across as sleazy to make one's intentions clear. Well, as long as it's about a date, and not about sex, lol
I'm not sure what I did to make you feel old, but I'm old too! Haha
I get where you're coming from too, and that's probably how I would('ve) approach(ed) it myself. But that would be if I were okay with having a friend and getting rejected as a romantic interest down the line if that's how it were to play out.
So, IMHO, OP would need to consider what they're looking for and what they're ok and not ok with. If they don't want to end up with an awkward "I thought we were just friends, and I would never consider you romantically" conversation, then they should make a date clear. If they're fine with hearing "Let's just be friends" down the line, then a hangout is perfectly fine.
Lol nobody is friendzoning me.
I have lots of women in my life, and a common thing they share is that they often have to find a way to bring up their boyfriend/fiancé/husband (who occasionally doesn't actually exist in some cases) ASAP whenever they meet a new man who wants to "hang out" because so many men don't make their intentions clear. A younger woman might not know to do that, or might not assume OP's intentions one way or the other.
My point is just that if OP wants a relationship and would be unhappy with "just friendship", he should make it clear that he's interested in a date.
If he's okay with "friendship, and if a relationship happens great, if not, I'm perfectly fine with just friendship!", then you're absolutely right that just a "hangout" is the way to go.
Lol I'm married...must be because I live in Canada where all the girlfriends live. I also went to "the other school, you haven't heard of it"! Lmao
I think you're mistaken that adding the word "date" when asking someone out would be inherently negative. Definitely not insecure -- asking for what you want and being able to take "no" for an answer is a sign of strong emotional maturity.
I would argue that wanting a date and not making it clear when asking is inconsiderate of the woman's feelings. If she wants a friendship and not a relationship, but he only wants a relationship...but he makes it seem like he wants friendship...that feels almost deceptive.
Again, it really comes down to what OP wants and doesn't want, and is/isn't okay with.
You might want to re-read your last couple of comments in this chain then, where you were (I guess) trying to take jabs at me to make your point seem stronger, or something? Lol
The best and longest lasting relationships start between friends.
They can. But if one person is looking only for a relationship and the other person isn't open to that, then keeping things ambiguous will make things worse for both parties.
Buddy, when you raise the stakes this high before you even try, you’ve already lost because you come off as desperate and insecure. THAT is how you end up in whatever this “friend zone” thing is…
Why is it desperate and insecure to explicitly ask someone out on a date?
And if you're not sure what the "friendzone" is, then how are you so sure about how to end up in it? Lol
Where did i say that? You’re trying too hard, and that’s bad advice to give, especially to someone who would best benefit from relaxing and taking the chill approach. Women appreciate a confident approach that doesn’t come off as too eager. Everyone appreciates that. Being too quick to try to define a relationship that doesn’t even exist can come off as desperate and demanding. Young (all) women want to make up their own minds, so let them! assuming that you know better, or that your needs or desires take priority is not only arrogant, it’s misogynistic.
During the outing, she’ll pick up that OP wants more than a friendship and if she wants more, too, that’s the direction it will go. And if that’s not what she wants, then so be it. OP will have to accept that and move on, and it will be his first lesson in respecting the wishes and decisions of a woman.
I kind of agree. I think its important to give a hint at what you want. Women pick up on this and it will save you some grief if for some reason expectations are misaligned. Its common for wires to cross if you are a newbie, and its not a demerit to be clearer about it.
Yeah, I feel like the advice in the original comment is the kind of advice I would've given and liked to hear when I was younger, especially because it's easier to get a "yes" as an answer.
Without knowing the whole context and what OP actually wants, it's hard to know what's best.
But sorry you got downvoted, there's a bit of a downvote train going on! Lol