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I mean... if all you ever did was buy donuts at a supermarket, you kind of would expect that.
I don't buy a lot of donuts (personally not a big fan and they make for weird interactions at work) but when I do? My order is usually "Uh. Three or four boston creme, three or four jelly, and then whatever you have a lot of for the rest". And I have definitely done the Dunkin run where it is "a box o joe and then two dozen of whatever donuts. Also ."
So I won't fault couch fucker for having a hard time picking out donuts or basically just saying "I don't care, just give me two dozen donuts. Feel free to pick the stale ones". But it is more just the overall shitshow of it for not having someone run up ahead to make sure the store and staff were cool with it.
Story time! Back in... damn I guess it would have been 08? Obama and Biden were doing the "man of the people" bullshit. Incredibly blue region with strong ties to Biden so it was basically a freebie to record a few press bits. Was getting lunch and chatting with a buddy about all the cars on the street and the like when some 20-something year old girl in a suit comes in. She leans in and asks the person at the counter something and then comes around to the various tables to make small talk and ask leading but kind of inflammatory questions. She asked us what our views on abortion were (and, while I won't repeat what my buddy said because it was definitely sexist, it was quite possibly the greatest failed pick-up line of all time). She then gets up and states something like "In five minutes, Obama and Biden will be walking through that door. We apologize for the inconvenience. As we get closer, anyone who does not want to be on camera will be directed to move over towards that wall. It will only be for ten minutes and we will pay for everyone's meal, regardless of if you are on camera or not. Thank you".
And, let me tell you? Buying lunch for a bunch of students goes a long way toward making for a warm reception. And while it was obvious they had been prepped on the menu, it was also obvious that this was the kind of food both future presidents ate semi-regularly. And it was obvious they had been prepped on which tables were likely avid democrats, which were republicans, and which were dumbass kids who were hitting on the point person for the casual "So, what can we do to earn your vote?" style bits.
But... that is kind of the thing. It is not a complicated bit of theatre. I am sure the approach has changed a bit (now that everyone has camera phones and tiktok) but it still holds true. Have someone run ahead to make sure you aren't entering a hostile situation that will just make everyone look bad.
Everything blurs together and I am too lazy to google, but now I am wondering if that press event was specifically because everyone (of the republicans) were losing their god damned mind over the existence of a black man. Err, I mean Obama liking dijon mustard or something. So have him and his old white guy buddy eat some normal people food (because dijon mustard is insanely fancy, obviously).
I’m curious about these weird workplace donut interactions you’ve had.
Like I said, I am not a big fan of donuts. A lot of people aren't. But there is the expectation that everyone should bow down to the person who brought them to the breakroom and join the mad rush when the email goes out and so forth. Not to mention that some people DO like donuts (more power to them) and might be polite enough to ask if anyone minds if they take a second one which has led to a few slack chats of everyone feeling the need to list that they had 1 and so forth. Which invariably reveals who didn't have any and leads to "oh, are you on a diet"? level conversations that can make others feel self conscious about their weight.
Personally? I am a big fan of bringing a box to an early morning meeting or whatever. Absolutely hate bringing them to a breakroom or, for the truly deranged, walking them around an office.
Things have gotten a lot better in the past decade or so of "I don't eat gluten" becoming ridiculously common. But I find it still puts people into unnecessarily awkward situations where one person might think it is a nothingburger of an interaction and someone else might take it as "Are you saying I am fat and need to go on a diet?"
I'll be honest I think you're overthinking this
Think whatever you want.
This is the kind of stuff that comes up when you are actually focusing on inclusiveness and discrimination in the workplace (rather than just checking a box for a federal requirement). Something as simple as passing CVs through OCR and standardizing the font (or using those god awful webforms) goes a long way because people genuinely do have an unconscious bias toward one style over another. Similar to evaluating people on things like "poise" or "articulateness", that is just a REALLY good way to suddenly realize that you hired 90 of the same person.
And that also covers what kind of group activities you have at work. Because someone might seem "stand offish" because they don't participate in a monthly pizza lunch because they don't eat meat or just hate the chain the admin's cousin owns. But now you put them in a position where someone else might think they are standoffish or "too socially awkward to work in a team" which can have career implications.
I've never been at a workplace that banned these practices. Likely because... it is a shitshow waiting to happen if anyone ever sees that email and posts online about how Innertrode bans donuts. But it is something that management and project leads are increasingly being made aware of to both curb their own unconscious bias and to avoid creating those kinds of situations in the first place.
Well... Good thing I don't work in an office. I still think you are overthinking this. Bringing unconscious bias into this is clearly missing the mark. It's free donuts, not a pizza party.
People don't like working at an office. I know I didn't, and I'm so glad I don't anymore. It's a small thing that brings a few people just a little bit more joy, and not at the expense of others.
I hate your workplace.
Just err towards too many donuts the first time, and then adjust downward as needed. It's okay to throw out a few.
And then trust everyone else to be human. If one dude is taking five, someone will eventually give him a "dude, seriously?" and that should be enough. And if it's not, try to deal with it person to person instead of sending a passive aggressive email about it to two dozen people.
I kinda need to hear the terrible pickup line, though.
The anecdote of the recon girl in the suit is one of the most interesting that I've read in some time. Totally makes sense that they would do that.
How do folks feel about whether that low level of deceit is appropriate?
When I think about the costs, I think maybe a couple people spent a couple minutes of their time giving opinions they might not have if they had had all the information up front. But tiny hurt feelings seems the biggest downside, I guess, which shouldn’t be too problematic.
Of course if the staffer told the whole truth, an activist could feign support to secure an interaction where they shout down the candidate on their pet issue (“a TAN suit, Barrack?!”).
Personally, I don't see any deciet here.
Nobody claimed anything, someone just went around asking questions. Personally I wouldn't care if a red hat came into my Cafe and asked questions like that, and I would give my very strong opinions exactly as I would to anyone else. If they said a republican was about to come in for a PR stunt, I would ask to speak to the owner, and if they're actually cool with that the they have lost my business.
I still wouldn't feel like the person who came in was being in nay way subversive.
Honestly if I ran across one of their candidates alone in the middle of the night I might feel the urge to deck them whether I act on it or not, but that exact thing is the reason they should go without stating the reason for the questions and visit fist thing. What if someone were just psychotic and armed? They could quite easily pretend to be the world's largest supporter in order to get a seat at the next table over for a better shot, instead of the scout saying "that guy in the corner gave strange vibes, better put extra security over there or pass on this one"
Or someone might start throwing shoes...
Great point on safety. Was thinking kinda “lying through omission” but sold.