The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/omarhani on 2025-04-16 23:14:08.

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/jenmic316 on 2025-04-15 19:57:03.

I am 25F and have an older sister Kate 30F. She and I were never close due to our age difference and because she hated that our dad married my mom and had me after divorcing her mother. Kate claims dad told her he never loved her mother and that my mom was his true love, that our dad always compared the 2 of us and asked her why she has to be a dificult child and that overall dad loved me more. On the other hand, dad claims nothing she says is true, that she was very problematic and insolent. These claims are backed up by my mother and dad's parents so I assume Kate was never 100% honest. Anyways, these are their problems that do not concern me.

Some time ago Kate reached out to me and told me she got engaged. I said congrats and everything. She told me she has a favour to ask. She told me her MIL is very family oriented and it does not sit well with her that Kate is estranged from her family. In her words, future MIL considered something is also wrong with Kate and she is also to blame for being no contact with her family, fearing Kate will also influence her son to do the same thing. What Kate wanted from me was for me to meet her in laws for them to see she does not hate her family. I joked that future MIL sounds a little insane and I agreed to help her because at the end of the day I never hated her and I don't think she hated me neither. The fact we are not close does not mean we hate each other or want bad things to happen to the other one.

Anyways, I went to meet Kate, her future husband and her MIL and FIL at a restaurant. They are very nice people and very warm. At some point MIL said something along the lines that she is happy to see that the abuse we suffered did not affect our sisterly bond. I was confused and asked what abuse is she talking about while Kate tried to change the subject. MIL says it's ok, I have nothing to be ashamed of and that she knows from Kate our parents abused us while growing up. I clarified that this is not true, we were never abused by our parents or anyone in our family, we were raised in a very loving family, we were never hit or spanked no matter what we did, our parents are well off so we always had everything thag we wanted, clothes, phones, laptops, cars etc. MIL got very very angry. She apologised to me and started insulting my sister. She called her a liar, accused her of being manipulative and trying to insert herself into their family by being dishonest. What happens is that Kate accused our parents of many things that are not true.

Now Kate is accusing me of ruining her life. She says her engagement is over, the in laws hate her and her fiance does not trust her anymore. The thing is I don't think I did anything wrong. I cannot sit and hear people blasting my parents for her lies and for things that never happened. But still, AITAH for telling the truth?

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/GamerGirlLex77 on 2025-04-15 13:11:10.

I AM NOT THE OP, this is my first BORU so it might be a bit wonky. Originally posted in r/trueoffmychest

FIRST POST

My fiancé almost died in a car accident, that’s when my mother in law told me he cheated on me with an ex. Now he’s recovering well I feel so guilty for wanting to end it.

I feel like a horrible person.

We are supposed to get married on August 20 in a small ceremony. I’ve (f33) been with my fiancé (m34) for 6 years, engaged for 1. The best years of my life. He’s brilliant in every way, or so I thought.

The accident happened 6 weeks ago. A drunk driver hit my fiancé’s car. I spent the worst night in my life in the hospital waiting for answers from the doctors and he went through hours and hours of surgery. His parents and brothers were also there waiting. I’ve always loved his family and they me. His mum is(was) one of my favorite people and we got along very well. She was happy to have me as her first daughter (in law). She’s religious and when my fiancé was hovering between life and death she was worried about his sins so she told me that he cheated on me about 2 months ago with an ex he bumped into.

She explained that it was because of the wedding and the stress of planning it. Apparently I’ve been both stressed out and stressing him out. He had a weak moment, it was a one time thing and he regretted it so much. He asked his parents for advice on what to do and they told him not to say anything. As long as he’s remorseful and as long as it was me he wanted, he should forget about what he did and move on. His whole family knew.

After the hospital he moved back to his parents house because we live in a flat without lifts. I visit him every day. I haven’t told him that I know and his family is acting like nothing has changed. They’re very happy he’s doing better and understandably so and my presence by his side is very helpful according to him and his family.

Now both fiancé and his parents are talking about us being able to get married on the day we set after all. I feel awful because I don’t want that. Our relationship was over the moment I found out about the cheating. I stayed because I loved (still do) him and I wanted him to feel better. I couldn’t break his heart while he’s recovering. I also thought the wedding was postponed and that I (we) would have more time for him to recover fully and be strong and independent again so I could leave with clear conscious.

I tried to speak to his mum today but she just started hyperventilating and kept telling me not to do this. She made a mistake by telling me and that I shouldn’t take advantage of what she said in desperation to punish him and kill his spirit. He’s still recovering and he needs me.

I have been thinking since my talk with his mum about everything and I’m so angry at him. I’m ashamed that even when I was worried about his life I was very angry and resentful. We were supposed to have our wedding in this beautiful manor house that he found thats all inclusive. With our most important people. My best friend is a DJ and my parents paid for the whole thing even though they’re much poorer so i don’t know where the “stress” has come from. We fixed everything in a week! I’m so angry and I’ve kept bottling it up since the accident. I’m afraid I’m going to explode soon!

SECOND POST

I told my fiancé that I know about his infidelity and canceled the wedding. He still wants a second chance

I have written here 3 days ago before I talked to my fiancé. This is after I told him I know about his cheating.

I started by telling my parents, who are paying for the wedding, about what happened and that I’m canceling the wedding. Hopefully they can get back some of what they paid via their home insurance. I have told them that I’m going to pay the rest of the damages. My dad refused. I insisted. It’s not up to them☺️.

Since my fiancé still lives with his parents I felt that I would be outnumbered if I went alone to end it. text or a call wasn’t an option since he meant a lot more to me than that and I really wanted to see his face and ask wtf! I also wanted him to see my hurt. I don’t want it to be comfortable for him. Cheaters must see the hurt they cause and hopefully learn from it. I took my mum with me. When I told him that the wedding was off and the reason why he started crying. He told me all things they say in desperation. He was foolish. He didn’t think. He was stressed out. He was scared. It meant nothing. He regretted it. He didn’t want to tell me because it meant nothing and he didn’t want to hurt me. I should give him a chance to prove himself and his loyalty. He can ask his parents to pay for the wedding. We can postpone the wedding indefinitely. I can take the apartment and he will live with his parents. As long as it takes for me to forgive him.

I haven’t cried so much as I did when I was listening to his bullshit and afterwards on my way home. How could he do this to me? He didn’t give me a satisfying answer to why he did this to me. To us! I have cried myself to sleep every night since the accident and yet I cried like I’ve just found out.

I’m going to stay in the apartment that we bought together and he will stay with his parents. Prices has gone down these last couple of months and we both agreed that we don’t want to sell for less than what we paid. But the moment it goes up again we’re selling. I have started packing his things now and tomorrow I’m renting a van to move his things to his parents house. Sorting out his stuff and packing his clothes made it real for me. I didn’t expect it to be so emotional. Why do I still love him so much?

He has been texting me and he has called me twice and we talked mostly about mundane stuff but also about us and our relationship.

His mum has called me to say that she felt guilty for first not advising him to come clean but even for later divulging his secret to me without his permission. She was disappointed that I took advantage of her moment of panic but that she understands that I’m hurt. She said he will do his best to win me back. I’m a bit irritated about the fact that none of them (including my parents) believe that it’s really over and I don’t have the energy to prove my point either. I just need some alone time now and some peace and quiet.

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/omarhani on 2025-04-15 04:57:06.

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/mermaidpaint on 2025-04-14 18:13:27.

I (27f) have three children with my now ex Kon (29m). 10 months ago my sister (26f) confessed that she and Kon had slept together the week before and she said she regretted it and needed us to be okay. She told me it was a mistake and she got caught up in a moment because she had a crush on Kon and she needed me not to hate her for it. That she loved me and wanted us to make things work. Kon didn't even try to deny it. He told me he'd been sleeping around for years and that he slept with my sister more than once. My sister denied it strongly. I broke up with him immediately and told her to get lost. I said I never wanted to see her again and that she disgusted and repulsed me and I didn't care how bad she felt, I wanted her to feel bad, I wanted her to hurt and she would never hurt as much as I was right then so forget about me.

I got checked after I broke up with Kon to make sure he didn't give me anything with all the cheating. I was negative for all STDs and I'm incredibly thankful for that. With the amount of cheating he talked about I'm still surprised I didn't catch anything.

She ended up dating Kon because I rejected her. Or that was the story she told others. She said she felt guilty and needed some good to come from this because clearly I would never give her the time of day again. And that's true. I swore to myself that I would not forgive her. Even through therapy I have become more secure in the belief that what she did broke our relationship beyond repair and regardless of whether it was one time (which I don't believe) or a full affair it was wrong and we'll never come back from it. I really don't care what happens to her and if she died tomorrow I would not grieve or make an appearance at her funeral.

Recently my sister found out Kon had cheated on her and he didn't only cheat but he passed along some STDs/STIs. I don't know specifics. I believe she's also waiting to make sure he didn't give her HIV. Although I can't say I paid enough attention to know if that was a big concern or just them being cautious. But she thought that experience would make me more forgiving of her. She was wrong. She showed up at my place and I shut the door in her face without saying a word. She showed up at our brothers house while I was heading inside and he shooed her but she told me how sorry she was again and how scared she was and how much she needed me. I ignored her and kept going and our brother told her she wasn't welcome.

She tried again and this time I did respond. I told her I do not care and if anything she deserves everything she got after what she did and how stupid she was in the end. She told me she needed me and that she was scared. I told her just like when I found out my partner of 8 years and father of my children was cheating and I could have used my sister only she betrayed me as well by cheating with him. She said it was one time and she would have been there for me and I told her I didn't want her disgusting self to touch me. Because I said that's how I saw her now a disgusting backstabber. I told her I don't care if he's given her every STD under the sun, because I want nothing more to do with her and she can die in a hole for all I care.

I haven't seen her since. Apparently she's very distraught and she's also the topic of gossip in our social circles. She lost most of our shared friends and a few have shared a similar sentiment to me on her. But a couple have asked me if I don't even feel a little bad for being so cruel to her and turning her away a second time even after all her apologies. They said they felt like I should have found a way to work through this because we were close for such a long time and sisters are for life or whatever stupid crap they said.

I don't feel guilty. I don't even feel bad for her or have any kind of empathy. AITA though?

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/J_S_M_K on 2025-04-14 17:14:21.

TL;DR: Cheated on two exams during my last semester of university by obtaining a professor's login information and seeing the exams before they were given. Professor gave me an F in the course but passed the information along to higher-ups, who subsequently expelled me. I will be appealing my case, I have a few more days to send in an appeal letter. After I send in my appeal I am entitled (based on the code of conduct) to a hearing in front of the dean. I have contacted an attorney who is looking at everything. I want to know what the best course of action is to make my chances as strong as possible in getting my sanctions lessened. Location is United States.

The course I cheated in was NOT a major course. I completed all of my major courses by merit, and this is my first cheating offense. I have never been accused of misconduct or wrongdoing in my 4 years at this university.

First and foremost - I have reached out to an attorney who has recommended me a few things, but I wanted to come here as well for any and all advice. Throwaway account for obvious reasons.

Backstory:

Sometime in February, I planted a camera behind the keyboard in the classroom where my professor lectured. Once she typed in her login information, I was able to view the video and obtain her login information to use for my own personal benefit. On dozens of occasions, I logged on using the professor’s login information on school computers in labs that have cameras, and viewed exams, past labs, and even changed my own grade in the course. The first exam, around late march, I had seen the answer key prior to taking the exam, and naturally got a 100% on the exam. No suspicion was raised by the professor. I continued to view answer keys prior to the next exam, which was taken in late april. My exams were very identical to the answer keys. I had noticed that the professor changed her password after the second exam when I went to login again, and so I put the camera back in the same place as the first time. However this time, at some point during the video it shows her looking directly at the camera, implying that she did indeed see it. In the beginning of May about a week after the second exam, my professor came up to me after class and asked for me to come with her to the department chair’s office. When I sat down, the department chair told me that there was a strong suspicion of me cheating on exams 1 and 2, and asked if there was anything I wanted to tell them. I said “I admit, I cheated on them.” That is all I said. I did not admit to how I cheated. Afterwards, he asked me how I cheated, to which I did not respond. They had me sign a form essentially stating that I admitted to cheating and that they were going to pass along the information to the academic affairs committee for further investigation and potentially further sanctions on top of an F in the course. About a week later, a police officer from the university came to my apartment and asked me to come with him. He drove me to the campus police station, where I was questioned about “illegal computer usage.” An hour later, at the academic affairs office, I was informed verbally that I was going to be expelled from the university, and a day later, I received a letter reiterating the fact that I had been expelled. The letter says that I will not get a degree, can not participate in graduation, and can not be readmitted to the university, now or in the future.

I reached out to an attorney yesterday, and will be meeting with him tomorrow.

The steps I am taking for this:

The university allows students to appeal the decision within 5 days of receiving the letter, which I am doing. Essentially the appeal that I have written states that I admit my actions were egregious, and that I felt so much pressure to pass the course and felt awful when I cheated even before I got caught. I said that I wanted to fess up but didn't know how, and that when I was confronted I did not at all try to justify my actions, hide them, or lie. I came clean completely, and the burden was finally off. In my appeal I am respectfully asking for my sanctions to be lessened to at most a suspension from the university so that I can still graduate, albeit not on time.

I have not yet sent the letter, as I still have a few more days to submit the appeal, and I am waiting for my attorney to look at the letter tomorrow and give me any advice. The reason I got an attorney was so that I could either:

a) heavily grovel (an attorney cannot be present during the hearing) and the attorney would just help me before I go in

b) basically sue the school saying the sanctions are too harsh

I will NOT be denying my actions. The school has sufficient proof that I used the professor's login credentials for my own benefit. I have to come clean, and just hope that the school shows mercy. If the appeal does not go well, I will resort to plan B, which is getting the attorney directly involved.

Any advice on what I should say during the hearing, or anything else I should do?

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/GamerGirlLex77 on 2025-04-13 13:16:05.

I 23m was repeatedly stuck playing the part of helper and babysitter on family outings. I had to move out of my parents' house because I kept being forced to help watch my three nephews. Last year we took a family vacation in summer to the coast. I rode along with my parents, and they paid for my hotel room. Only, I had to share that room with three rowdy boys because my sister and her husband wanted a room to themselves. I was promised time to do my own things on the vacation. But instead I ended up having to help with these kids. I complained to everyone about it, and was reminded I was there for free. And then we pretty much just did only one thing I wanted to do. Which was tour an art gallery. I like doing this whenever I'm at the coast. But the kids find it boring.

This year my parents have a beach trip planned for June. And they assumed I'd be riding along the same way as last year. But I refused. I said I'd be driving myself, and paying for my own hotel stay to have my own room. My parents were shocked, and tried to remind me of the cost. I said it was no worry. I've got a good job and a decent running car. I can more than afford it. That's when the "Buts" started. I stated the previously listed things as why I'll be driving myself and paying for myself. I want to be able to enjoy this vacation as an adult, and not be treated like a child like last year.

My parents told my sister, and she called to blow up at me that I'll be ruining the vacation if I'm off doing my own thing while she has to wrangle her three boys. I ended up yelling at her that last year all she did was rope me into her mess. I didn't really get to do much of anything I wanted to do. And I was treated like the bad guy for wanting to just go to an art gallery. I'm a grown man. I deserve my own vacation too.

Now my sister is not speaking to me, and my parents are still trying to convince me to just ride with them to keep the peace. I'm still refusing. But the pressure is getting to me. AITA for not giving in? I know they'll have a pretty hard time when they won't have another person there to help.

Edit: It's barely been an hour since I posted. But my sister is apparently a reddit lurker in the mornings, and she saw my post. Not only is she furious with me. But she's also upset no one in the comments is siding with her. To make it short, she went on a big rant about how it's so hard to be a parent to triplets. And the least I could do is help because I'm young and single, and she needs a break. I stood my ground on my decision, and now she's calling our parents to get them involved. I'm expecting a call from them any minute.

Update: Well I'm off work now, so I can tell more of what went down. I guess you could say it's over. My sister got our parents involved, they looked at my post, and were absolutely horrified by the continuous influx of commenters. Yes they're very angry with me that I posted here. But I told them that if they'd just listened to me to begin with, I'd have never needed to. I'm sick of the whole keep the peace mentality that sacrifices me to placate my sister. They in turn went off on my sister, and to make a long story short the whole vacation has been canceled. The hotel wasn't booked yet anyway. But my parents are arguing with my sister, my sister is blaming me, and my nephews are crying because they aren't going to the beach. My sister called me at lunch and basically implied I have no life, which is why I have time to help. I recorded that and told our parents, and that's currently what they're fighting about.

Smol Update: I wasn't gonna update again. But here's a little more. Parents said that they won't ever push babysitting of my nephews on me again, and have agreed that what happened last year was unfair to me. Right now they're VERY angry with my sister for telling me I should help her because she thinks I have no life. My sister is playing the victim. And my brother in law is basically saying "Nope!" to the whole mess and spending most of his time at work.

Thank you to everyone who has commented. You made my day.

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/derek4reals1 on 2025-04-13 11:50:41.

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/hawkwardturtlr on 2025-04-12 17:10:51.

My wife (30F) and I (33M) have been married for almost 10 years. We have two kids (5F & 3M). I own a restaurant in our city and she is an elementary school teacher.

4 months ago we had a very explosive argument that ended in my saying that we should separate. I told my family that we are separating that day, and then she would not let me in our house. I have had to live with my parents and she will barely let me see my kids. I have tried to be more involved with helping the kids with bedtime and such when she will let me, but she is so cold to me and doesn’t seem to want me around. I have been begging her for us to go to a couples therapist but she doesn’t seem to want to at all. I want to work on our marriage and she doesn’t.

Fast forward to now, she wants a divorce. She has a lawyer and told me that I should get one. She says I have not been a good partner to her for years. She said she is so tired of doing everything in the house and with the kids but she chose that. She is only a part time teacher (working half a day) and I run a whole business myself. I have a very demanding job that can end up having long hours. It is a small business so I have a lot of tasks and it is demanding and exhausting, so I usually just get home and shower and go to sleep as I have to get up at 4am the next day. I am working so hard to provide for my family and now the whole thing is falling apart. I love my family and I don’t want my kids to go through their parents divorcing. I want her to put her effort in and go to therapy and work together so our marriage doesn’t fail. So, am i the asshole?

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/GamerGirlLex77 on 2025-04-12 14:53:07.

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/BoneYardBirdy on 2025-04-08 22:39:36.

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/JTBlakeinNYC on 2025-04-08 21:22:22.

Throw away account . Please be patient with me. I ( F,35) met my now husband (m,48) 12 years ago. He was married and his wife had terminal cancer. He was honest with me . I know it was a rotten thing and I wish we didn’t meet this way.

Eventually his wife found out but she decided to just don’t bother . He said when he was coming to see me , she just pretended he was working long hours ( and that’s what she told everyone at the time ). After his wife’s death , we started dating openly and eventually got married. He had a 2 year old when his wife died. I raised her as if she was my own daughter. She called me mom.

She found her mom’s diary in the boxes that are in the basement. She found out the origin of our relationship. She now hates me, her dad and her 4 half siblings. She now says that her mom died of broken heart. I apologized to her and told her I paid my due when I raised her like my own. She doesn’t wanna talk to me or her dad. She not only is staying at her grandparents now, she has told everyone in the family awful things about us based on the stuff her mom wrote.

AITAH to expect her to move on ? Her mom was terminal and I raised her

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/GamerGirlLex77 on 2025-04-08 16:44:26.

I am NOT the OOP. OOP is u/Even-Breath9368 on r/AITAH.

TW: parentification and emotional/verbal abuse

Status: Concluded as per OOP.

Original: July 18, 2024

Update: August 9, 2024 (22 days later)

AITA for moving out after my mom announced her pregnancy?

I'm 22F, my mom is 37, and I have 3 younger siblings F14, F7 and M4. Me and the 2nd oldest have different dads from each other and the other 2. They and this upcoming baby all have the same dad, our stepdad. I'm sorry if that was confusing. There are 3 dads in total but only our stepdad is involved now.

I was the babysitter and "mom" growing up. When my sister was born I magically became mom despite not even being double digits. When the others came I still was mom. I didn't get to have fun, go out, or be a kid. My job in the house was to cook, clean, raise my siblings and deal with our mom. She was incredibly immature growing up and loved to drink, party, spend money on luxuries and not be a mom. She acts more like a mom now but a lot of the work still falls on me. She robbed my of my childhood and I'm very bitter about it. The only reason I lived at home for so long was because no one would/could take me in and I felt that I could tolerate it all for free rent and food. It was a good deal for me then, but I'm 22 now. I'm done being a mom when I don't even have kids.

Last year my stepdad's parents died in a car accident and as their only child he got everything. We all moved into their home and got a bit of money under our belts so I guess they decided to have a baby. When my mom announced it I asked if she was serious. She confirmed and asked me if I still had my diaper changing skills as a joke. I was silently livid. I dryly laughed and found some roommates online that night. The thought of wasting another 10+ years raising my siblings sounded like Hell.

She found out that I'm planning on leaving come August and now she's irate calling me every name under the sun and selfish. She got my siblings involved and the youngest is crying asking why I don't love them anymore and why I'm leaving. It's really low to use kids like that and it hurts. I don't want to stay but I don't want them to cry. I know I'm doing the right thing for myself but is it the right thing for them? My mom never really parented growing up. She wouldn't, so I took over that role. I was the one who changed diapers and taught them their ABCs and all that. I was the one who cooked dinner and bathed them. I look at none of my siblings as siblings but as my own kids because that's what they basically are. I don't think she'll be able to do a good job. She and my stepdad rely on me heavily in that category.

AITA for leaving? I need advice on how to get over this feeling and move on.

Edit: holy shit this kind of blew up when I wasn't expecting it to. Thanks everyone for the kind messages. You all are right, I need to go. My mom and stepdad need to figure it out. I'm going to talk to all 3 of my siblings and explain that me leaving is normal and a good thing. I'll always be a phone call away. I'm most worried about my 14yo sister though and will not hesitate to get authorities involved if I suspect she's going through what I went through or she tells me herself. I'll be giving her a different type of talk soon to try and prevent her from becoming the new mom.

Thanks everyone :) If I update again it'll be after I've already moved out. I really appreciate your guys' support. It's giving me the strength to do what's right even if it's hurting. My mom and stepdad can hire a babysitter with his inheritance if they really can't do it.

Relevant Comments (and OOP's response to them):

Angstycarroteater: No leave now… it’s getting way manipulative and your mom seems like the queen of making poor choices as it is. Like Jesus. Run for you life remain in contact with your siblings but it’s not your obligation to be a mother to your moms kids.

Edit: You need to point out it’s time for her to grow the fuck up and be a parent that by the sound of it you never had.

OOP: I agree with her being the queen of bad decisions. When I was born I could excuse it because she was so young and needed guidance. My grandparents (her parents) were permissive and let her do whatever she wanted with little to no consequences. It was really fun when I was a kid kid because, well, no rules. I moved a lot growing up into her boyfriends houses and stayed with her friends frequently when she went out to party. Eventually, as you might expect, I learned that that wasn’t fun and that I wanted my mom. I would cry and she’d push me aside because she just didn’t want to be a parent.

She’s doing a lot more now like I said in my post but it’s obvious she has no idea what kids are really like. She sees them sort of as decoration because they were always shoved at me. She knows she’s going to have a world of Hell waiting for her once I’m gone.

Gonebabythoughts: You tell the kids "I love you in my heart, no matter what, always." And you leave because you deserve a life that is not being a domestic servant to your mother's failed birth control philosophy.

You being parentified at such a young age is a form of abuse. Sit down with your 14F sister and explain what happened to you, and that she can't let it happen to her. Your mom will come after her next.

It would be a very good idea to get a therapist to help you reframe exactly how badly you have been treated and why you need to leave. You can't help the other kids, really, until you help yourself first.

OOP: I thought about my sister a lot as well which is what makes this so hard. I took the brunt of everything so she wouldn’t have to. I wanted her to be a kid. 14 is way too early to be a parent and I know that that’s what will happen to her. I know that she’ll just do what she’s told and she’s responsible enough to realize when things aren’t working and she’ll try to fix them herself and fall into that trap.

I don’t know how to have that conversation with her without my household exploding but I know that it needs to be done. My two little siblings have just been crying and crying thinking that I’m never coming back. Even though I tell them that I’ll come visit, my mom keeps telling them that I’m never coming back and abandoning the family.

Verdict: Not The Asshole

UPDATE Aita for moving out after my mom announced her pregnancy?

Hello everyone! I just want to say thank you again for your kind words and encouragement. You have no idea what they meant to me. I moved out and everything is going fine. My mom and step dad blocked me but my 14 yo sister is so far doing fine. I talked to all my siblings individually but it was rough in more ways than one. I had an explosive argument with my mom the day I left but that was to be expected. She said nothing new. She called me selfish, a brat, a terrible daughter, and said that she wished she had aborted me. Nothing I haven't heard before.

About a week or so before I moved out I stopped doing most of the things I did before. My parents freaked out and we had a lot of arguments but I'm happy it's over with. Every time they saw me a comment was said either to my face or under their breath. My mom would act like I was invisible and talk shit about me to whoever was around. She filled my siblings heads up with bullshit and I was incredibly stressed about it. I actually considered staying at that point. I was very close to just staying home, which I know will disappoint you all, but I almost did. This wasn't an easy transition for my siblings and they're small. It hurt so bad watching them get wrapped up in all of this. My parents had no idea how to do anything for some reason. They had no patience and couldn't get the kids to listen to them. I know they didn't have much experience in childcare but they were acting brand new. I had a really hard time watching them struggle and watching my siblings suffer because of it. I felt fucking horrible and like I was neglecting them. School is also coming up very soon and I used to always get them together so that's going to be an upcoming problem. I'm happy that I won't be around for that but I'm sad that I won't be. My little brother will be a kindergartener and my sister will be a freshman in high school. Those are huge milestones I wanted to be around for.

But, on the bright side, my sister is playing the incompetence card all on her own and I love her for it. After our conversation about not turning out like me, she told me she'll pretend not to know how until mom stops asking her which hasn't happened yet. Apparently mom asks her to cook, wash the kids, get them dressed etc. Little gateway things that will spiral into her being the new mom. I'm proud of her for sticking to her plan for the few weeks that she has. She's a lot stronger than I thought she was. I really thought that I'd have to drill it into her to not do anything but she's doing a lot better than expected. I just hope she doesn't crumble under the pressure. I know it's hard. In order to visit I have to be welcomed back into the house but that isn't going well since I'm blocked. I don't want my sister being the middle ma...

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/OhNoConsequences/comments/1jui6ok/parentified_oop_moves_out_when_mom_announces/

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/GamerGirlLex77 on 2025-04-08 15:20:05.

Since we’re getting a lot of people breaking our BORU crosspost rule, I wanted to pin this to our community highlights.

We only allow BORU reposts on Tuesdays and the post must be at least 6 months old. Please use the BORU Time Machine Tuesday flair. Any other BORU crossposts will be taken down.

u/Mermaidpaint is also a BORU mod and wanted this sub to be something different. We decided to allow BORU crossposts once a week because of requests.

Thank you all for contributing!

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/GamerGirlLex77 on 2025-04-06 20:03:33.

About ten years ago my brother and I had a massive falling. I ended up hooking up with his girlfriend at the time, behind his back. (His gf was 18 at the time)

I know I shouldn't have done it, but looking back it my self-esteem was in the gutter, and I used this as a poor attempt at a pick me up. Still, when it became known I was hooking up with her it cost me everything. My brother was no contact with me for the longest, he became low contact with me a few years ago with the pushing of our parents. Essentially, because they were tired of only having to invite one of us somewhere. Still throughout that time, I've grown and deeply regret what happened.

Recently, though I found out he's getting married. He hasn't told me about the wedding but I did know he had a gf, I suppose fiancee now. I am hurt because I thought he were getting along more. Last time he was home I joked about how the airforce is the chairforce (he's in the airforce reserve) and we had a good laugh. He showed me pictures of his vacation to Monaco and everything.

I just want to be able to show my love for my brother and put everything behind us. It also raises more questions from people who don't know about what happened between us if I'm not there

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/GamerGirlLex77 on 2025-04-06 15:04:32.

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/localcrux on 2025-04-05 05:34:44.

On Monday, I (42F) went on probably the best date of my entire life. We'll call him great date guy (48M). I met him on Tinder and decided to meet for dinner near my apartment. He brought the most amazing energy to the date, we laughed, adhd vibing (both of us have it), and it was just the most amazing time. He came back to my place, we both agreed to keep things out of the bedroom and take things slow. I agreed, no problem. The night ended with amazing kisses and plans to see each other again on Friday.

Now, before the date, I asked great date guy to come to me because I went on 2 dates with someone who told me he couldn't come to me because he's broke. I drove an hour one way for 2 dates and make half of what he makes a yr (or so he said, who knows). Anyway, the great date guy agreed to come to me.

So, Tuesday, we've been texting when we could all day, because we're at work etc because he'd planned the date for Friday. He had mentioned on Monday that he would like to see me again before Friday if possible. So Tuesday, I asked if he wanted to meet again before Friday. To which he said he wouldn't have his car until Fri. And cue my stupid fucking sense of humor. Here's where I fucked everything up. Because we'd had so much fun, vibing, great banter, etc, I thought it would be a good joke to say "if you're gonna be like that other guy, i might have to rethink this situation." He texted back saying "Ugh. I understand. No hard feelings I wish you the very best." I immediately text back saying I can come to him, but he'd already blocked me. I called, it goes straight to voicemail.

I feel like such an idiot and have cried several times over it. I really, really like him and hate myself for possibly ruining an amazing opportunity and relationship.

TL;DR: made a stupid joke after having the most amazing date of my life. Now I'm blocked and unable to say how sorry I am.

Edit: To clarify, we'd both joked about it. He even asked about it during dinner. He shared things about his ex with me and dating since joining Tinder. He asked about my experiences, etc. We talked about all our tattoos, favorite movies and shows, family, like we went down the adhd rabbit hole of tangent conversation. The night ended with us cuddling in my oversized chair listening to music we both enjoyed. I was using my phone to play music, i was holding the phone on my hip while he searched a song. We both took turns sharing songs we liked, made out a bit, and when he hugged me, he squeezed, saying I was the perfect height. he went home, texted me I was weird and adorable (We both joked about being weirdos through the whole date). He even planned the next date. He texted me links to where we were going, and we were going to meet at the first spot. We were both texting about how excited we were to see each other again.

I understand, the joke was in poor taste on so many levels. However, any neurodivergent adhd'er will tell you, sometimes the filter has a giant hole and everything spills out without an ounce of forethought. And with previous tangents the night before, it seemed to go with our banter we had going.

I did send it with emojis - 🤔🤪

I reached out and left voiccmail, I also emailed him.

All I know is I fucked up, and I'm sorry I hurt his feelings. I have a dark sense of humor and learned to think before I joke.

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/mermaidpaint on 2025-04-04 21:08:22.

So, my boyfriend (27M) decided to plan a “special surprise” for my (24F) birthday. I was expecting a nice dinner, maybe a cute gift. Instead, when I got to his apartment, he had another girl (who I’d never met) waiting in lingerie. He proudly announced that he had set up a threesome for me because he thought it would be “every girl’s fantasy.”

I just stood there, completely stunned. I didn’t know what to say, so I just walked out and left him standing there with this random girl. Now he’s blowing up my phone, saying I embarrassed him and hurt his feelings by rejecting his “thoughtful” surprise.

He says I overreacted and that it’s “just fun.” I think this was wildly inappropriate, but now I’m second-guessing myself because he keeps saying I humiliated him. AITA for just walking out instead of talking it out?

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/Ace-Cuddler on 2025-04-04 16:55:53.

I am a 35F female who made a mistake of a lifetime.

I grew up in a household where my parents fought a lot. During my doctoral years in graduate school, I was in a stable 4 year relationship with a doctor that felt perfect— my ex was loving, funny, generous, kind and had very strong character and similar internal value system . We never fought. I was happy, fulfilled, motivated, secure, and overall a better, stronger person with him by my side. I remember looking at him while he was driving once and thinking “man, he will be such a good dad one day.”

The segment in my life with him was happy, but looking back it also felt alien. I had never been in such a stable relationship before. I didn’t grow up like that. I had never been this supported or happy. I didnt know how good I had it. However, our sex life wasn’t great to nonexistent. At the end of our relationship, I ended up moving away for a highly competitive, once in a lifetime job offer. While away, I cheated on him and we are no longer together.

I cheated on him with my husband. My husband and I met because we shared a similar passion for trail running ultramarathons. We loved being outdoors and having someone by my side in such a niche sport felt special.

I overlooked the fact that he only graduated from high school and was/is making minimum wage while I make 6 figures. I was young and thought that love would prevail.

I started to see cracks in our relationship as time went on. While I was working hard and overtime to save up for a house, he would disappear for days on camping trips, leaving me to take care of household chores and our dog. We fought over so many little things and had countless communication issues. We do not communicate well or do conflict resolution well. I noticed our sense or humor always didn’t jive, for example there was a time I questioned if he’s racist because of jokes he made with his friends, and it really bothered me. Our empathy level for others and this planet are very different.

But I was in my 30s then and thought I needed to make this work. I later learned that there is guilt from cheating and oftentimes you feel like you need to end up with the person to make it feel right. So… we got married and now have a baby.

After having a baby, our differences and conflicting values are amplified.

• After marrying, he took an expensive career change which I am funding. He comes home from work tired and sometimes needs to study after work or on weekends.
• When he’s not studying, he lies in bed on his phone instead of spending time with me or our baby. He says he needs to decompress. He is always on his phone, whereas I cut down on screen time for my baby.
• he says his career comes first (even though it doesn’t pay much compared to my career). He says when he gets a chance, he is going to move our family out of state to advance his career. I told him I do not want that because we have grandparents, good schools and a strong community here for our child.
• he does nearly 0% of childcare throughout the week. On weekends he may have 15-30 minute play sessions with our baby, but it’s always spontaneous, on HIS time, and I never know how much free time I will have before he says “I need to get back to studying”, so it’s hard for me to get things done or run errands out of the house
• despite him being very absent as a parent, he is very opinionated with raising our baby and everything seems to be my fault according to him. Not a pleasant experience.
• he threatens me with more workload. If I complain about his absence as a dad while he’s playing with our baby, he leaves the room and says “I’m playing with him for YOI, if you’re not grateful I need to get back to work”. Similarly, I did all of our taxes as always and he offers to help mail the packet. When I complained he forgot to attach the w2s among missing other things, he said this was too complicated and he’s going to bed — never said thank you to me for doing our taxes. leaving me to finish the task he offered to help
• he is entitled. For example, he saves $0 for the down payment of our home, yet our home NEEDS to have 3 car garages and he needs an extra room for a music studio (that he never uses now). Yes, I wanted to be a good partner and conceded to his demands. (And now feel resentful)
• I also feel resentful when I see friends who married their classmates now living in nice, safe, highly sought after neighborhoods in beautiful homes or have 2 or 3 homes, while we needed to make some compromises as I’m the sole breadwinner in our relationship
• our educational level differences also show in our conversations. It does not seem like he looks into global or political issues deeply or empathetically. He has no interest in doing or learning how to do conflict resolution. It also appears he is too insecure to apologize. After knowing him for 8 years and countless arguments, he has only apologized once or twice to me, while I apologize after nearly all arguments
• he is always tired. One morning outing to the park, and he needs to be in bed for 3 hours… 2 hours in his phone and 1 hour napping

Yes, I know money/income and education isn’t everything. I know this may be my fate from karma from cheating on my good ex.

I am just feeling lost and alone. Iam wondering, I don’t know, if anyone has any advice. If things will get better. Or how I can move pass this. Do you think I made a mistake? Thank you for reading.

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/Atworkwasalreadytake on 2025-04-04 12:55:36.

My mom has me (27m) and my sister (29f) with our late dad. He died when I was 10 and my sister was 12 and when I was 15 my mom got remarried. Her husband is "Frank" (fake name). From the very start my sister and I had issues with Frank. We have bigger and smaller issues.

The two big issues are/were;

1. He insisted that nobody mention dad in his presence. Didn't matter who we were with or where we were it was not allowed. This included the times he tagged along when we went to see anyone from dad's side of the family. He would invite himself and then enforce this rule or he'd make us leave. Mom let this happen. Even on dad's anniversary or birthday we couldn't talk about him if Frank was around and that included asking mom if she wanted to come to the grave with us. Frank actually yelled at my sister during her graduation dinner because she had mentioned dad in her speech.

2. He inserted himself deeply into the relationship with our dad's side of the family. We could visit anyone on mom's side without issue. He didn't even care if we said anything to him. But the second it was someone from dad's side and he found out we only mentioned it to mom he would scold us and insist we needed to ask his permission to see them. Then he'd tag along frequently and invite himself to see them too. This went for a lot of stuff. Mom had already stopped coming with us before she even met Frank. But he insisted on being there and if my sister or I said we didn't want him to come then he told us we couldn't go. If whoever we went to see didn't want Frank inside the house he'd say then we weren't allowed inside either. Once my sister moved out he was pissed that she spent more time with dad's side and he tried to tell her what to do still. She was having none of it.

My sister and I talked to mom about ALL our issues with Frank and we told her we didn't want a relationship with him. She always told us we needed to have one with him to have one with her. We took her at her word and my sister stopped talking to her and once I moved out so did I. We stopped going to see her or spending holidays with her (and Frank). We didn't invite her over or initiate any contact. She brought it up a few times how we were bad at maintaining the relationship and we told her we weren't. We just weren't maintaining it but she ignored us. She tried to come and see us a few times. We told her no Frank so she never came. We let her birthday pass without any acknowledgement and when she'd tell us about Frank's birthdays we'd work to forget the date.

A few weeks ago I got engaged. I didn't tell my mom or ask anyone else to but the news got to her. She was upset she didn't hear it from me and upset I said no to he throwing an engagement party for us. She never even met my fiancée which was something else that upset her. She asked how she's supposed to meet her for the first time at the wedding and I told her she's not supposed to. I said she won't be invited. My mom did not expect that at all and she asked me why. I told her Frank is not welcome and she made it perfectly clear she won't come. I reminded her that she said we can't have a relationship with her if we won't have one with Frank and I told her it would be over my dead body that I have a relationship with him.

My mom said we were supposed to love her enough to accept Frank and I told her I do not have to have a relationship with the man who would kick up a fuss over my dad being mentioned in his presence and who tried to control the relationship I had with my family. I reminded her dad is still my dad and I'd find a way to incorporate his memory into the wedding. I asked her if Frank would tolerate that or if he'd start yelling like at my sister's graduation.

She told me she doesn't want to lose both her kids and she loves us. I told her we love her but we're not willing to accept that man she calls a husband. Then she told me I was being so unfair and when she said what she did we could have talked about it more. That reminding her like this wasn't right. I said this was the consequences of her actions. I told her I could live with the consequences of not accepting Frank. That I can sleep fine at night knowing our relationship is what it is. And it isn't my problem if she can't do the same.

Now she's upset and angry and apparently I'm the bad guy in her eyes. AITA?

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/GamerGirlLex77 on 2025-04-03 22:57:45.

Hi everyone,

I’m really struggling right now and need some honest advice. My ex, and I broke up a week and a half ago we had a very intense relationship. But one of the biggest problems we faced was how I handled arguments. I used to let my emotions get the best of me—I'd get angry, raise my voice, and say things I didn’t mean. Afterward, I’d always apologize and promise I’d change. But the truth is, I never truly followed through. I said the right things, but I didn’t fix the patterns. And now, she doesn’t believe me anymore. I get it. I really do. Because I broke her trust too many times. We fell into a cycle of heated arguments—times when I lost my temper and hurt her deeply. I’ve come to fully realize how much my actions contributed to our breakup. Over the past week and a half apart, I’ve done a lot of soul-searching. I even sent her a long, heartfelt message explaining how I’ve grown, how I’m learning to pause instead of explode, and how I’m committed to being the calm, loving partner she deserves.

We recently broke up after one of those arguments, and we’ve been apart for about a week and a half. During this time, something hit me differently. I didn’t just miss her—I really sat with the reality of who I had become and how I hurt someone I love so deeply. For the first time, I didn’t just feel sorry—I felt the full weight of my actions, and I’ve been actively working to change. I’ve learned to pause, to stay calm, to reflect instead of react.

However, her response has been confusing. On one hand, she still shows me signs of care (she’s spending time with me, sharing small moments, even though she said she wants to be single now). On the other hand, she’s built up walls—she mentioned that keeping our old photos up on my instagram doesn’t feel like a fresh start because “we’re not those people anymore.” She also said she was disappointed because she thought we could have fixed things before, but now those walls are in place, and she’s not ready to let them down.

I’m at a point where I feel desperate—part of me wants to fix everything tonight when I see her again, to convince her that the old version of me is gone for good. I want to show her that I’ve grown and that I’m capable of a healthy, respectful relationship. But I'm terrified that if I push too hard, she'll say, "I just need to be single," and I'll lose her forever.

I wrote her a heartfelt message explaining all this—not to win her back with words, but to show her I understand what I did wrong and how I’m growing. She read it, and she told me it was a lot to take in. But since then, she’s told me she’s not ready to get back together. She said she needs to be single, that she’s built up walls, and she doesn’t want to let them down again. She said she’s more disappointed than sad, because a part of her believed we could’ve fixed things before—but it's harder not that she feels like she has those walls up now.

“ I know you’re scared and disappointed because of how we argued, and I understand why those walls are up. I’ve spent the last week not just missing you but also really reflecting—thinking about every moment where I let my anger take over and hurt you emotionally. I’ve learned how to pause, how to listen, and how to love in a way that makes you feel safe and cherished. I’m not that same man anymore. I want to build something new with you—a healthier, softer, stronger love. I’m here, not forcing or begging, but choosing you. Always.'

But her reply was ambiguous, mainly was around the lines of I love you but I need time to myself and I’m not sure how to move forward from here. How do I convince her—without being pushy or desperate—that I'm really a changed man? How do I show her that I can break through these walls tonight and that I’m serious about making our relationship something better?

It breaks my heart, because I know she has every right not to believe me. I’ve told her I’d change so many times, and didn’t. But I’m not that person anymore. I’ve finally done the hard work—facing the parts of me that needed healing, understanding the way my anger hurt both of us, and learning what it actually means to love someone through peace, not control or reactivity.

Now, I’m stuck. I don’t want to push her, but I also don’t want to give up. I want to prove to her—not just with words but with consistency and presence—that this time is different. That I’m different. But how do I show her that when she’s already shut the door?

We’re still talking and seeing each other sometimes, but she’s put up these emotional walls, and I don’t know how to break through them in a healthy, respectful way. I don’t want to overwhelm her or ignore her boundaries. But I also can’t pretend like I don’t love her and want another chance to do things right.I feel lost, exhausted by the back and forth, and I’m scared that if she fully commits to being single now, it might be too late. Any advice on how to approach this conversation tonight (or in the near future) so that I can truly reassure her of my growth and show her the new, calm version of me would be greatly appreciated.

So I guess my question is… how do you prove real, deep change to someone who’s tired of hearing it? Is there anything I can do now—not months from now—that could help her see I mean this?

Thanks for reading.

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/Individual_Plan_5593 on 2025-04-03 18:18:58.

I’m writing this with nothing but shame. Since I’m anonymous here so I am just venting it out.

My wife and I were together for eight years , three years of dating and five years of marriage. We had good relationship. Ever since our son was born I thought we had everything we ever wanted.

But life got in the way. My work got demanding. She was busy being a mother and getting back to her career , and I was busy with my job. Slowly, our time together shrank to just nights that too exhausted and drained. She became completely absorbed in our child, and work , I started to feel left out. I should have understood, but instead, I let resentment creep in. There were no physial and emotional intimacy between us

Then I met a colleague from my new project team. At first, it was just work, then soon from professional talks we started to talk about personal lives . She knew I was married, knew I had a child as I used to mention about them a lot before but that didn’t stop us. We gradually started spending more time together at the office, used to go in same gym too, we started talking more and soon every time and in endless conversations. Before I knew it, I was having a full-fledged affair.

After some months I started to feel guilty about what I was doing. I tried to end it. I broke up with her. But I couldn't resist myself and got back to her even though it made me feel awful, I went back. And like every cheater, I got caught this time.

It was when I was using my wife’s old laptop and forgot to log out of WhatsApp. One day, she opened it by mistake to share something. And there it were my messages to my girlfriend. Hotel bookings. Plans. Every disgusting detail. And if that wasn’t enough, I had a habit of saving my passwords in a chat with myself. She got access to everything my phone, my emails..

She didn’t react anything at first but with the help of her best friend, who is a lawyer, she collected every bit of evidence while pretending she know nothing. She watched me lie about my weekend plans, saw me cover my tracks, and let me dig my own grave.

And then, when she had enough, She called my parents and told them everything. I will never forget that day my father slapped me in front of everyone. That was when I realised I was doomed.

I begged her for forgiveness , fell at her feet, cried for hours. She didn’t flinch. next day, she packed her bags, took our child, and left the home. My parents stopped talking to me. My father, in his rage disowned me. F rom the past three years they aren't talking to me properly and finally they disinherited me from family inheritence and gave everything to my brother.

Meanwhile in court, my ex-wife ripped me off, Her best friend fighting her case, and they made sure I had no way out. She filed multiple cases, and for three years, I am just visiting courts and getting scolded by judges, I lost custody of my child. I am drained financially, emotionally, physically. They left nothing untouched.

And now, here I am. Alone. No family, no wife, no child. Just regret. I ruined my life with my own hands. And I deserve every bit of it. I can't believe I destroyed my years of reputation , relationship for some months of pleasure.

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/ChromeXBoy on 2025-04-03 03:07:50.

I (45f) am currently divorced from my ex Thomas (47m) of 30years. We ended up seeing a lawyer to help with dividing stuff. Everything was pretty much wrapped up till he said he no longer wanted any part of our kids' lives (5m) and (12f). I didn't argue with him about it since I already know what it's like having a parent who doesn't want you around or wants to be in your life. I asked what he wanted me to tell the kids and he just said "whatever you think is best I don't care. I don't want to parent anymore." Everything was in agreement and signed with no fuss.

A few weeks later I get a call from my ex Mil asking if we could meet each other. When I came over she broke down crying and begging to let my ex see his kids again. I was confused about what she meant because not once did he contact me after meeting the lawyer. She went on about how my ex said "he really missed them and that I was just a petty b*tch for taking full custody." Also that he was crying for days about it. I told her my version of events and she called it bs saying her son wouldn't lie like that especially not about his kids. Then I decided to call him in front of her. He didn't know she and I were meeting that day.

I said "hey (5m) has a soccer game in a few days (which he did) and I was wondering if you wanted to go? I know he'd really love it and be happy to see you." He instantly said "No. I already said I'm not doing this anymore." I raised my voice a bit saying "well what about holidays and birthdays because we never discussed any of it and your family might want to see them." He just said " my family already thinks the kids aren't mine anyways so it doesn't matter." I asked"well how do you think this is going to effect Denise (his mom)? She is over the moon about them." He just said " She loves me more than the kids so I doubt this will be an issue for her." After a bit more talking we finally hung up. Ex Mil was straight faced and nodded at everything that just happened saying "mmm okay." She asked me to leave and said we would be in touch.

Later that day I got a call from my ex saying how it's my fault he was kicked out of his mom's house and possibly will be taken off her will. Also that none of his family members will talk to him because of what ex Mil heard. He threw a lot of insults at me before I hung up and now him and his mates keep calling and texting me. My friend is saying I shouldn't have said anything in the first place and I ruined his life.

Edition: hello thank you for your support and the gold reward. Yes, I plan to let Denise see the kids because I know she just wants to give them the world along with the rest of his family. (I was honestly confused with what op meant at first and my daughter told me overpowered like in anime but my sister clarified.)

2nd edition: hello again, I want to address something because this keeps coming up and I can't keep up with everyone. Due to actions he and I took when we were younger my Christian parents thought it would be best he and I be married at the time.

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/mrs-mercy on 2025-04-02 10:12:37.

My husband recently asked me for a paternity test. Why? Because our son looks nothing like him.

I never cheated on him. I would never. He knows he was my first and only partner.

I told him he can have the test. Who am I to stop him from it? He took the test and found out our son is actually his and he seemed very happy. I told him congrats. Now you are sure it's your own son you are paying child support for. He asked what does that mean and I told him if he thinks I cheat on him then we truly shouldn't be married.

I took my son and left and we are currently staying in a hotel and I'm going to get divorced.

He keeps calling and texting and begging me to come back but I don't want to. He said if I had such a problem with the test then I should have stopped him instead of allowing it and then "acting like a bratty child and ruining our lives".

I'm not sure how I'm the one ruining our lives. He is the one who thinks I'm a cheater, he should be happy he doesn't have to live with a cheater anymore.

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/GamerGirlLex77 on 2025-04-01 23:56:59.

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwoffmychest234 in r/TrueOffMyChest

trigger warnings: cheating

mood spoilers: upsetting for OOP, but ending is satisfying

FIRST POST: My wife went out last night and didn't come home until this morning Oct. 16 2022

This is horrible, I'm furious right now. But I'm also depressed as hell. I know what I have to do, it's just killing me that I have to do it. It’s fresh, and it hurts a lot.

My wife didn't come home last night. She went out with a couple of girlfriends, which is pretty normal for her. She's normally back around 2AM on these nights, so I waited up. Around 2:30, I called to check in. She answered, and I could hear people in the background. She told me they went to a party but were leaving in a couple of minutes. She wasn't home by 3 so I texted. It delivered, but no reply. Around 4AM I called again, it rang a couple of times before she sent me to voicemail.

My wife finally came stumbling through the door at 6:47AM this morning. I know the exact time because I was worried. She was wearing a dress she didn't leave the house in, with mesh leggings I've never seen either. The leggings had clearly been torn, and her makeup was smudged.

My heart sank when I saw her. My immediate worry was that she had been assaulted. She only shook her head no when I asked her that. I asked her what she had been doing then. She only said that I knew what she had been doing, and that kind of confirmed what the voice in the back of my head had been screaming since she walked in. My wife cheated on me last night.

I asked her who it was, she shrugged almost casually and said it was somebody they met at the club. She went back to his house and hooked up with him, then Ubered home. She then said she didn't want to fight and just wanted to sleep. So that's what she did.

She's still asleep now, and didn't even take a shower before passing out. Suffice to say our relationship is over. We don't have any kids, and we rent so it shouldn't be an extremely complicated process. I keep trying to reason myself out of it, pretending there might be something to salvage here. I've always maintained that cheating would be a red line for me though. I think I need to stick to that now.

Small Update: True update coming later but for now... Oct. 17 2022

Alright, things have happened. I am no longer at home, I left. I wasn't able to get the day off work today though, so I'm writing this on my lunch now. It's been a struggle keeping myself together today, honestly. I've had to sneak off to the bathroom twice to cry, shit's rough dude.

I'll post something more detailed later on because holyfuckingshit there's a lot. I'm exhausted. I've only slept about four hours total since this all happened.

Does anyone know if I should post the actual update in a new thread, or just update the one I already made? It's gonna be a lot of text, probably longer than the first one by a bit.

Also, to the woman who felt compelled to send me a topless picture. Thanks, but also no thanks. My heart just isn't in that sort of thing right now.

Final Update: [Update] My wife went out last night and didn't come home until this morning Oct. 18 2022

Original post here

Me again, folks. I’m sorry I didn’t get around to this sooner. I wasn’t able to get the day off work yesterday because my boss kind of sucks. I was a complete mess at work yesterday though, so I was allowed to take the rest of the week as vacation, thankfully.

I think I went through all of the stages of grief while my soon-to-be-ex was sleeping. I wasn’t expecting my post to get any attention at all. I just figured I needed to try to talk to someone about it, because I was not in a good headspace. I made the post in the morning, and by noon she was still conked out in the bedroom. I had processed things a bit more, and I had a rough plan in my head that I was starting to set in motion.

I made a short list of questions I wanted answers to, gathered up all my important documents, laptop, etc. Then I went into the bedroom and started packing myself a suitcase. I know a lot of folks wanted me to kick her out. I did consider it, but honestly I’m not overly attached to this place. We just rent, and I’m in a lucky enough situation to be able to say that paying half the rent for a few months isn’t going to financially end me. It’ll sting a little bit, I won’t lie. But I’ll make it, and I feel like being around this place is only going to remind me of her anyway, I need to be looking forward, not back.

She ended up waking up about halfway through me packing my suitcase. There was momentary confusion as she looked around the room then she just started balling. Maybe this is awful of me, but I didn’t bother comforting her. I told her I had the screenshots of her Uber and text messages from her phone, and that plus her confirmation was enough that things between us were completely done. She didn’t answer me, and just cried louder. I debated trying to continue the conversation, but I decided to just pack the rest of my suitcase and head back out to the living room until she came out.

When she finally left the bedroom, she sat next to me on the couch and asked me if we could talk things through. I told her as calmly as possible that wasn’t how things were going to work. I was going to ask questions, I wanted honest answers. She told me she’d be honest, so I proceeded. My voice was shaking the entire time, it was taking me everything to hold it together but I kept going:

Was this the first time she had cheated?

She started crying before she answered that, then told me no. She had cheated on me multiple times over the course of our relationship. It was, and I’m going to use her words exactly here “Just sex, a way for me to let off steam. None of it ever meant anything.”

I wrote a comment shortly after making my post that all the love couldn’t just fade away in one swoop. Well, it can. It hit me right then that I wasn’t dealing with my wife. The person I was married to literally wasn’t in the room. This was someone different. She refused to tell me exactly how many times she had cheated, just more than last night.

Had she used protection?

No hesitation from her before she nodded her head emphatically. She seemed surprised I’d even ask that. I’m still going to get tested just to be safe, I did some research into timing and I’m going to look after it.

Were her friends also cheating on their spouses?

Yes, and no. I tried to get her to tell me which of her friends were cheating so I could get in contact with their spouses. She probably should have, because her refusal led to me messaging pretty much the romantic partner of every one of her girlfriends I could find on social media. There are a couple I don’t know or couldn’t find, but I did my part.

Why did she do it?

This was the answer that gutted me the most. I’m going to use her exact words again. “I need to have sexual variety.” I told her that it’s not like our sex life is dull. She clarified. “It’s not the same as something new.”

I didn’t even have a response to that one. I had expected something about me working too much, or not supporting her emotionally. Nope. She just fucked other guys because she felt like it, and wanted to have some fun.

When I didn’t respond. She started asking me about counseling and therapy. I reiterated that our relationship was over. I’d be leaving. What she did next disgusted me. My ex actually tried to have sex with me. She put her hands on me, and started trying to take off my clothes. I felt like I wanted to vomit, and pushed her away after a couple of seconds. She just kept telling me that she would figure out a way to fix it, that we would work through it together. I told her that there was no way, and she started balling again. She went to the bathroom and locked herself inside.

I was just sick of everything at that point. I called her mother, and told her what was going on. The full story too, the cheating, the questions I had asked, and the fact I was leaving. I’ve always had a good relationship with my Ex’s parents. They both decided to drive to town, which is about an hour for them. Once I knew someone was on the way, I just grabbed my things and left. Her waterworks in the bathroom were just annoying me because it felt hollow to me, especially given the answer...

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