The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/chocobomog on 2025-06-17 13:11:05.
Original Title: OOP and his fiancée of 7 years are both best friends with his ex gf. When OOP adamantly refuses to simply meet his ex gf's new boyfriend, both women realize OOP is still obsessed with his ex and he loses everything
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/dontwannameethim
I [37 M] with my ex [32F] (together 5, broken up 10,) I don't want to meet her boyfriend, but I want us to remain friends. She's gotten my fiancee[33F] of 7 years upset at me, too.
Original Post July 14, 2017
My ex girlfriend Kelly and I broke up extremely amicably. She admitted she didn't feel any romantic attraction to be anymore, wanted to focus on school, but I was her best friend. I felt the same exact way. We were best friends even after. She even introduced me to her best friend, Amanda, who I have been with since we met.
We did everything together. Kelly had never really been interested in guys because of her school work, but she graduated, got a job, made great career advancements... and now she's looking to settle down and she got a boyfriend! They've been together about 6 months and are discussing marriage.
She invited us to Friday night game night this week. We all get together and she told Amanda he would be there and he'd probably be moving in when his lease ends... which makes me not want to go over anymore.
So, I told Kelly I didn't want to go if he is, and she got extremely hurt, told me that it wasn't fair because she thought we were friends, and hasn't spoken to me but has also asked Amanda to refrain from texting her until she's ready because she needs some space to process and she's under stress at work.
Game night is still going, Kelly invited the rest of our group as normal. Amanda is barely speaking to me and called me a hypocrite and will go without me if she's asked. Kelly chose to be my friend, and she was already Amanda's... I don't see why I have to choose to be friends with someone else just to be friends with Kelly?
My fiancee said that he's been around 6 months and they are talking of marriage and if I wanted to stay her friend, it'd mean sometimes interracting. Kelly doesn't do anything lightly, so this is very serious.
But I don't really care to meet him, but Kelly is still one of my closest friends. She'd be there at 3 am if there was an emergency.
TL:DR; My friend/ex has a new man. I don't want to meet him, now she's shutting me and her best friend (my fiancee) out. Is there any way to salvage this? Do I actually have to meet him?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
stophittingthyself
Wow dude, you've been with your fiancée 7 years but you're still not over your ex? That's extremely insulting to fiancée and I'm surprised she's not more angry.
I'm guessing the only reason the friendship has lasted this long is because Kelly was single. It's a shame the ex didn't get a boyfriend sooner so your girlfriend could have seen that you're intentions towards Kelly aren't as platonic as they should be.
As for advice - stop thinking you are entitled to Kelly in any way. Get over her and your own selfish desires.
OOP
I am over Kelly. I just don't really care about him from what I've heard of him.
~
"She's gotten my fiance of 7 years upset at me, too."
Uh, no. You have upset your fiance of seven years, because apparently you don't understand that by not wanting to meet your friend Kelly's fiance, you're basically declaring that you still have feelings for Kelly.
"But I don't really care to meet him, but Kelly is still one of my closest friends. She'd be there at 3 am if there was an emergency."
Sounds to me like you want Kelly all to yourself, a backup so to speak, for when Amanda can't scratch whatever itch you have.
You broke up with Kelly. You don't get a say in her life any more. Nobody is asking you to be super besties with this guy, but at the very least, act cordial. If I were you, I would apologize to your fiance and seriously examine why you feel like you can't accept Kelly having a serious boyfriend.
OOP
There were no feelings left. I just don't want some asshole interfering in the cool stuff we all do together.
~
[deleted]
I agree with others that it feels weird you won't even meet Kelly's BF. I agree with you that you shouldn't have to be friends with someone else to be friends with her, but you literally won't even go over to her house if her BF is there? Meeting the dude doesn't mean you have to be BFFs. Do you still have feelings for Kelly or something? Did you ever have a chance to actually get over her? It sounds like y'all went right from dating to being BFFs, which didn't allow for any time alone to work through feelings
OOP
There were no feelings left. I still don't have any. I just don't want some dickbag mucking up our social time.
Update Sept 11, 2017 (2 months later)
I got (rightfully) torn apart in my last thread. I was being stupid about it, and it actually cost me everything. I kept refusing to meet him for another week or so.
Amanda and Kelly didn't buy that I had no more feelings for Kelly. Amanda then felt like she was "a placeholder" for when Kelly was single. Amanda and I got into a huge argument about it, and I told her that if Kelly meant more to her than I do, she was free to go over to Kelly's any time. We went to separate rooms and went to sleep. She was gone when I woke up for work, so I left her a note apologizing, and wanting to talk when I came home.
I returned home from work to find that Amanda had moved out and in with Kelly who had just finished closing on a new place.
After some deep introspection, I realized I liked the attention both girls lavished on me and I enjoyed being the center of attention. The new boyfriend would've taken that way.
None if it matters now. Amanda talked to me once after she left, and that was pretty much to tell me that she's happier without me. Kelly gave her a good rental price on the mother-in-law suite that came attached with the house. She has no desire to come back.
I have been cut from the gaming groups we were in minus one or two people. I know they still go and host it because they had a big housewarming game night and my friends were tagged in it.
I feel lost.
tl;dr: I was a selfish jerk and now I've lost my best friend and my fiance.
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