OhNoConsequences

The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/J_S_M_K on 2025-06-17 11:05:26.

This is a New Update on a story previously shared here. New Updates will be marked with 🔴🔴🔴 if you want to skip ahead.

Originally posted by u/ToGayForSIL97 in r/askgaybros on April 26, '22 and updated on June 15, '22, Jan 8, '23, Sept 19, '23

Trigger Warning: Homophobia, Family Estrangement

AITA for Hooking Up with New SIL’s Brother?

Original

April 26, '22

Throwaway account because people know my main. Not posting on AITA because of space limitations.

I (27M - USA, East Coast) recently attended my brother’s wedding. He really wanted me there even though I can stand his wife who openly hates gay people. I stopped going to a lot of family events where she is going to be around because she makes all sort of loud complaints about me, mainly my going to hell because I am gay. She also hates I’m an atheist who knows more about the bible than her. Anyway, to cut to the chase...

I got invited to the wedding with no Plus One over, from what my mom said, objections by my soon to be SIL. She thought it would be disgraceful I made an appearance. Believe me when I say I questioned my brother extensively about why he is marrying this POS, and he simply said he’s in love with her. I warned him this marriage could ruin our relationship as brothers. He said he accepts the risks.

So, I went to the wedding – alone – prepared to enjoy the wedding and reception. I noticed this really cute guy sitting on the bride’s side of the church, and again at the reception. I see he did not bring a date. Before I could build up the nerve to go talk to him, he wandered over to my table and sits down. He then, without any prompting, begins to talk about his nightmare sister. Honest to Jupiter he really is new SIL's brother. He also didn't get a Plus One. He asked me, and he knew I was the groom’s brother, why brother married his sister. We shared a few laughs about the train wreck this marriage will become. Under the table his foot began to rub against my leg.

We spent the evening dancing, talking and laughing. Then he asked if I wanted to go to his apartment. I did and a lot of really things happened. I don’t know how SIL found out, but she exploded on her FB account how I corrupted her brother. My brother is mad at me for sleeping with this guy on his wedding night.

AITA for sleeping with her brother on her wedding night?

ETA: This really is about whether I was the asshole for hooking up with her brother after the reception because 1) I sort of knew it would get back to them and 2) I knew it would upset my brother. The day was supposed to be about them, even if the bride is an insufferable wench. I did not want to add bad memories to my brother's day. I love him too much for that.

ETA #2: Have to go back to work now (11:15 AM EDT).

ETA #3: Came back to answer a few questions and express my thanks to this community.

1. The FB post. I got some interesting advice from someone I reached out to get the post. Said to me: "This will allow people to search for her post and give her shit. You'll make it worse than it is if you put the FB screenshot anywhere. Your brother will be super pissed."

• I can't disagree with that. I am holding off from posting. (Plus, I never got a screenshot from anyone.)

2. I never met her brother before this, and I did not know he was gay. I knew she had a brother. That was it because I wanted to know nothing about her. It wasn't until he sat down and started chatting with me that I even got an inkling he was related to her.

3. We're friends at most. This will likely never evolve into a romantic relationship. It wasn't a hate fuck against his sister or any sort of revenge sex. We enjoyed each other's company, we were both horny, and we both wanted to get laid. Never once thought of her or my brother (ew) and what they would think.

4. This whole episode, including this Reddit post, forced me to acknowledge I need to have a serious talk with my brother. I love him, but he is condoning mental and verbal abuse against me by proxy through his now wife. I did talk to my parents last night about this whole situation, and they are now worried my sibling relationship will get fractured beyond repair. I reminded them my brother decided to marry this woman even after she started taking shots at me. That set them back on their heels.

5. I am incredibly grateful to r/askgaybros for their advice, humor, insight, skepticism, and a load of brilliant ideas. You gave me WAY too much to think about, and I see now I desperately need that.

6. Adios! This user name will now be orphaned, but I am preserving then entire thread in a day or two.

First Update - 2 months later

June 15, '22

In the last almost seven or so weeks these things happened.

1. Talked to my brother about a week after the original post to give myself time to think. I laid out several of the points expressed in the comments. He said its now his responsibility to support his wife even when she is mostly wrong. I said I was sorry to hear that, and informed him I am going LC (actually NC) with him. It upset him, especially when I would not respond to his texts or requests. I told him already he told me all I need to know.

2. My parents are really upset about this rift between me and my brother. I asked if they support his wife verbally attacking me, and they said no. I asked if it was fair people expected me to put up with it. They said no. I asked why my brother didn’t defend me against her attacks. They said nothing. I asked why they didn’t defend me. Mom cried and dad said we needed to talk about this later. Still waiting for the talk.

3. Mother’s Day included only me and my brother. SIL spent it with her mother. It was a tense – read TENSE – day. Brother and I hardly spoke. I made direct eye contact with him all day, he could not look me in the face for long. Parents tiptoed around the issue, but brother and I made an effort to be civil and shower mom with love. Brother looked really upset when he left after 4 hours to go get his wife and see his mother-in-law. I heard they planned on visiting my mom later in the evening after I left.

4. Memorial Day I did not show at my parents since brother and sister-in-law were going to be there. Mom asked for my coleslaw recipe, and I just ignored the request. Went to the house of a family friend (who happen to side with me on this), and they loved my coleslaw and Jell-O fruit salad (no, it is not a 1950s monstrosity). Parents were really upset I went there or anywhere instead of their house. I told them I didn’t go because we still needed to talk. Waiting to see what effect that produces.

5. Showed K (SIL’s brother) the post in Reddit after showing my brother. We sat and looked it over together. He got quite a kick out of a number of the suggestions. Then K asked why I thought we would not be romantically compatible. I explained the big one happened to be about religion. I’m an atheist and he’s a fairly devout christian. K then hit me with this line, and it stunned me:“I don’t judge people on their religion. I judge people on how the act and treat others. I know a lot of non-religious people who are better human beings that half the people who go to my church.”

As result we’ve become closer friends (yes, with a lot of benefits… it was just too damn good the first time), but refrained from discussing entering into any formal relationship. We both agreed to just let the situation float along and see where we each are in three or four months. We have a good time together, and we are going to my family’s 4th of July party together… because They will be there.

6. We got matching mugs (after a Redditor suggestion). His says “I went to my sister’s wedding, and all I got was fucked.” Date at the bottom. Mine says the same with brother replacing sister.

7. K learned sister is pissed off because a number of the reception photos, some of her favorites, contain he and I leading our fun lives in the background She tried to get them airbrushed or edited, but all the people she talked to said it would look like garbage. She eliminated all but one of the photos from the album. One of the comments in the post predicted this, so kudos to that Redditor.

8. Father's Day is this Sunday, and I think it's going to be a repeat of Mother's Day. This will be hard on my dad since he always thought my brother and I would always be best friends. Brother and me usually splurge together for my dad, but this year I am going solo on the gift. I am pretty certain this will piss off my brother, but I haven't heard from him regarding the gift.

Not a lot else to report. Again, HUGE thanks to this community for helping me better understand the dynamics at work. I lost a lot of respect (almost all) for my brother in our subsequent talks. SIL likes to trash talk both me and K (her brother) to anyone who will listen, and most people are telling her to get over it. Brother and SIL are looking to buy a house, but lack funds. Normally, my brother could turn to me for help, but that is not going to happen.

[2nd Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/vuqjbl/update_update_aita_for_hooking_up_with_new_si...

Content cut off. Read original on https://old.reddit.com/r/OhNoConsequences/comments/1ldk8wi/oops_brother_marries_a_homophobe_knowing_oop_is/