Am I the Asshole?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Classic-Village2923 on 2025-02-21 21:29:10.

So I (F18) have a little cousin (M6), before he was born my birthdays were great and fine but ever since he was three it has been a nightmare since after me and my twin (M18) blow our candles out together, the adults then light the candles for my cousin and let him blow out the candles which then gets spit on the professionally baked cake which we all have to eat. I don't mind blowing out the candles with my twin together since it's our birthday but when they light the candles again for my cousin it just annoys me because then they sing the birthday song to him too which makes him think it's his birthday which it's not. They don't just do this on mine and my twin's birthday they do this on everyone else's birthday in my immediate family and extended family too. I'm turning 19 soon and I've just had enough of it at this point and I've been thinking of bringing it up to them but I know it will go badly since they act like my cousin is the golden child since he's an only child in his family (my dad's sister) and I'll probably get given out to but I'm just so tired of it and the spit it always gross as well and i think he's old enough to understand the concept of you only get one birthday now as well, I also think that if this keeps going on that it will go on forever and they'll never stop it. So I am just overthinking or WIBTA if I said I didn't want my cousin to blow out my birthday candles?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Idiotsandwhich12345 on 2025-02-21 20:29:40.

About a month ago I found out my brother in law had been living on my property in a tent without mine or my spouses permission. The property is not big but has a lot of hills so we have not seen him until I caught him walking down the road. My spouses mother had said something about a year ago if the brother could stay on the property and I laughed and said absolutely not I don’t trust him to due an incident with him attacking my spouse a few years back. We have asked him to leave and he has not done so. The mother does not think it’s a big deal and seems to be perfectly fine with him being out in 19 degree weather. So am I the asshole for wanting him to leave?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/all_chords_in_sync on 2025-02-21 19:59:24.

Recently I proposed a group trip with my sibling (sib) and their spouse/my sibling-in-law (SIL) and we all got together to make plans. The destination was one only I'd been to before (not sib or SIL) and has a very different climate from ours, so I mentioned as part of the initial plan that we should make sure we're prepared for extreme and unpredictable weather.

Fast forward a few months to a couple weeks out from the trip, about when we'd start thinking about packing. I sent one more reminder to the group chat requesting that, when it came time to pack, we all check the forecast and pack accordingly. I did this mostly because 1) when I last visited, I'd been underprepared for the weather and got caught in a torrential downpour which was very un-fun and I didn't want to repeat that experience, and 2) SIL had previously said that they "never check the weather." At the time SIL told me they appreciated that I was looking out for them. Ultimately sib and SIL cancelled about a week before the trip, on the basis that they found out they couldn't afford it, so I ended up going by myself.

This situation came up later in a setting with a professional, except this time SIL expressed that my second reminder to check the weather had deeply insulted them and "made them feel unintelligent." As part of this conversation I brought up my points 1) and 2) above, and also that if I had known I had offended them I would reminded them more gently, but their comment about appreciating it led me to think it was OK, so I was feeling a bit lost as to what I should have done differently. The professional acknowledged that SIL had probably jumped to conclusions in assigning negative intent, but also that going forward they would help us set clearer expectations regarding communication to accommodate for stuff like unintentionally offending one another. I agreed, especially since our group had run into a lot of communication issues in the past that we'd struggled to work out ourselves. Sib and SIL seemed on board at the time, but soon afterwards cancelled all of our future group sessions, on the basis that they felt they were "unproductive."

Afterwards, sib claimed that their problem was me "calling SIL unintelligent." I said I never wanted insinuate that SIL was unintelligent and would be willing to change my behavior accordingly if they could clarify how I should avoid that, since I still wasn't clear on the connection between checking the forecast and intelligence, and that someone feeling unintelligent because of something I said was distinct from me directly calling them unintelligent to their face. Sib disagreed, accused me of gaslighting, and refused to discuss the issue further.

AITA for potentially downplaying SIL's feelings in the name of wanting us all to be prepared for a trip?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Far_Refrigerator3552 on 2025-02-21 18:41:23.

Hi,

Me (27 f) and my bf(28 m) are living together since 7 years now, both of us are pretty happy with where we are in life atm.

I'm almost done with Uni + parttime job, he got a job himself that he likes and together we earn enough money to live a bit carefree. There is just one thing

I do ALL the housework:

Obviously i tried to talk to him about trying to help more several times.

He says the can't clean the cat litter because its disgusting, same thing when they throw up or got poop zoomies. Thats ok - some ppl cant do that.

cooking: well before starting Uni, i actually became a chef so i got something solid if i fail in uni - so he says i do it way better and he can't cook

cleaning up: he hates cleaning

coffee/tea/breakfast: as i'm flexible due to uni rarely starting early, so i time breakfast and a hot beverage fitting to his work-times

dishes: when i'm persistent enough, he helps

clothing: i do 95% of that

and some other things related to daily tasks

So when i came home after a meeting around 12:30pm, he was hungry and i said "Can't right now, need to do 1-2 things thesis related, will cook after that" , his answer was "oh so i can't eat right now?". Well as i was a bit stressed out by the meeting and i just thought "fuck it" and went in the kitchen and started cooking. One of our cats didn't like the food i gave them the evening before and was a bit naughty, so she played a bit with the paintings on the wall in his room. So i could hear "heeey, take care of this cat will you ? i'm working and can't right now!" - so i did. While cooking, i did some housework on the side. A few days before that we replaced our wardrobe for a bigger one and put the smaller one that does not look like a wardrobe at all in the office for office things. He said his older clothes that dont fit anymore need to be washed before being placed in the new wardrobe, so about 4 washing machine loads later there was a pile of clothing in the bedroom and i had no time to do that yet. So that pile was still there on said day i had the meeting for my thesis.

When he changed clothes after being done with work, he came out of the bedroom and said "still looks like stuff exploded in there". I was kinda pissed there and said "Well put away your shit yourself then, i'm busy too and it's not my fault if you are a lazy person who want's their mommy to bring them food and drinks all day while cleaning up after them". This obviously made him mad and he said "Im busy working all day, you are being a bitch right now and im not up for a conversation like this" - that hurt me a bit and due to being stressed already i just cried a bit and all i got to hear was "oh come on, dont overreact now" and he just ended the topic with that.

Do you think AITA for calling him out like this in that manner?

Did i upset him more than i should have with that and did that make me the ass?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Spirited_Ganache1843 on 2025-02-21 18:19:30.

My friends mentioned last week how they wanted to go out to eat so we scheduled to go tonight. I texted them this morning to confirm if that's the plan and where we were going. They couldn't agree so my girlfriend invited me to go out with her family and I agreed.

Two hours later my friends finally agreed on a restaurant but by then I already told my Girlfriend that I will go out with her family. My friends are mad at me and are telling me to ditch her. AITA for refusing to ditch her?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Random_GF_ on 2025-02-21 17:56:38.

I just need some outside opinions. My boyfriend (let’s call him Dan) has a sore throat so he stayed home from work yesterday. I have been working from 9am to 7pm Monday through Thursday(yesterday) this week. Today was my first day off.

Dan’s job and my job are completely different. He completed college and scored a cushy office job that pays $28 and he works from 6am-3pm Tuesday through Saturday usually. To give him some credit, he works in logistics and it looks complicated when he’s working from home. But he works out of a cubicle and stays in one spot all day. I am still trying to complete college so I have a job that is way more hands on. I work with children. Specifically I work at a playground for children. So, I am constantly moving to put toys back where they go, cleaning pee and poop accidents out of the playground, prepping enormous amounts of food for children’s parties, and I even have to wear a hot ass mascot suit to dance with kids multiple times a day. It’s a lot and it’s only for $11 an hour.

Okay, onto the actual issue. There is one tv and I wanted to watch movies today by myself because (shocker) I am also sick. I rarely get to use the tv because as soon as Dan gets home he’s playing on his PS5. I don’t really care that he plays it. But why does it have to be all day, everyday (no joke he plays from 9am-6pm on his off days and 4pm-8pm on his working days)? Again, that is the only tv that I can stream movies on so it’s either watch him play his game of go downstairs and watch one of the Spanish soap operas that play on cable. I don’t speak/understand much Spanish. Okay so today was my day to use the tv because he is supposed to be working from 6-3 and he already got to stay home and play all day yesterday.

Unfortunately when I woke up at 7am this morning he was very much not at work. I asked him why he wasn’t working and he said “oh I was really just not feeling good at all so I turned around and came home.” I told him then if he’s really feeling that terrible then he should resting and not drinking energy drinks and playing his game for hours on end. And that this was my one day off this week so I wanted to watch movies and take a sick day of my own. (I am not allowed to take any sick days at work unless I have a contagious disease or am on the verge of losing consciousness.) I have been throwing up at work all week but I was just told to drink some water and “shake it off” by my boss. So this off day is my sick day. Dan called me selfish for wanting a day by myself and we got into a huge argument about how it’s his house so he can do what he wants in it. (We rent and I pay half so it’s just as much my house as it is his) He’s calling me a bitch and an asshole for “demanding” that I use the tv today when he’s feeling sick. I just wanted to be able to use TV on my day off. So am I an asshole for being pissed that he had to take two sick days in a row for a sore throat?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/RevealNo7110 on 2025-02-21 17:38:55.

I (20F) have a difficult relationship with my father (64M) and his girlfriend (35F). I’m the only daughter, with three brothers. My parents divorced when I was a junior in high school, which blindsided my younger brother and me. I found out that my dad had been seeing Barb, his current girlfriend, before the divorce, and I learned this after finding evidence at his apartment. This caused a lot of strain between us, and our relationship became very tense.

After the divorce, my dad bought a large house and I started staying with him again, but there were ongoing issues. Barb was staying at his house when we weren’t there, and I found more signs of her presence, which upset me. Eventually, my dad planned a road trip with us, but he blindsided me by saying Barb and her kids would join. I refused to go, which led to conflict with my dad. Over time, Barb tried to take on a parental role with me and my brother, but we didn’t like it.

During Christmas, Barb's kids were rude to my niece and nephew, further straining our relationship with her. At a family event, Barb tried to put herself at the center of attention but failed, which led to her feeling bullied. My dad confronted us, saying we needed to be nicer, which caused more tension.

Meanwhile, my mom (52F) started dating Dave (53M), who has been respectful and supportive. I’ve grown close to him, and he’s helped me with things like managing my bank account and making dinner. On a hiking trip with my mom and Dave, my dad expressed anger about Dave coming, but I pointed out that Barb was part of his trip, which eased the tension. Dave also helped me with a traumatic experience when my dog was hit by a car, while my dad was preoccupied with Barb.

On another trip, my dad pressured me to start calling Barb “mom” for the sake of her kids. I refused, leading to more conflict. My dad later left my younger brother alone with Barb without informing my mom, causing an argument. Afterward, my dad reduced his communication with me and my siblings, claiming Barb wanted him to cut contact with us. When I confronted him about it, he said Barb was the one who was hurt the most and we needed to respect her feelings. I became furious, pointing out that Barb and he had broken up our family, and I felt he was choosing her over us. I also brought up his past infidelities, which hurt my mom and affected his relationships with us kids.

I ended the conversation by expressing that I respected Dave more than him or Barb. My dad left, and I haven’t heard from him since. I fear I said too much and hurt his feelings, but I still want a relationship with him. AITA for what I said?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/notrealthrowaway9103 on 2025-02-21 17:38:42.

i(25f) work as a receptionist. most of my job is answering calls and sending them to the correct person. if i have a customer on the line, i have to send it to the correct customer service rep - they get sassy with me if i accidentally send the call to the wrong CSR because they earn commission on sales orders.

recently i have been having trouble with one person specifically because they tend to receive a lot of calls. whenever i call them and say “hi i have so-and-so on the line,” they start huffing and puffing saying that they’re super busy and don’t have time for a call. it puts me in a weird position because i really don’t know much about the goings-on in the company - seriously i just transfer phone calls and occasionally do some amazon orders - if i could help the customer myself i totally would but don’t want to give them wrong information. usually in this situation i stay quiet and let them rant but sometimes another call comes in and i don’t like to keep the customers on hold long. eventually they tell me to push it thru or put them to their voicemail.

it’s escalated to pretty much every time i call this person they start complaining about taking phone calls. i really just want to say “well i can’t do anything to help them so why don’t you just do your job?” it’s so frustrating to hear them complaining about me sending them calls. i mentioned it to my boss and she told me “if they give you shit just tell them you’ll see if i can take the call instead, that should shut them up” and we laughed about it but i don’t want to get anyone in trouble.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Specialist-Buffalo-8 on 2025-02-21 16:32:52.

He's in 7th grade, and I'm 21. His commute takes in total 1 hour to arrive at school, and parents insist that its too tiring for him to do that 5 days a week, so they ask that I send him 2 days a week.

I understand that he's in 7th grade, but he's not a little kid. Its his responsibility to go to school on time if there is a safe way for him to do so, and there is. I do not mind sending him to school if the bus breaks down or there is some unforeseen circumstance should he require my help; that is my responsibility.

However, it is not my responsibility to live for my brother. He is at the age where he should be responsible to sleep on time, set the alarm and wake up on time for the commute to school. (7AM, bus leaves 7:20-30).

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/golfer28269 on 2025-02-21 05:07:37.

I (29M) am in a bit of a pickle and need some unbiased opinions. My sister (27F) is getting married next month, and it's supposed to be a joyous occasion.

However, there's some serious family drama that's making things complicated. To give some context, my family has always had a strained relationship with my wife (30F). They never really approved of her, and there have been countless passive-aggressive comments and cold shoulders over the years. My wife has tried her best to be polite and cordial, but it's taken a toll on her.

Recently, my parents went a step further and openly criticized my wife during a family gathering, blaming her for driving a wedge between me and them. This led to a huge argument, and I defended my wife, which only escalated the situation. My sister was present and didn’t intervene or support us, which hurt even more.

Now, with the wedding approaching, my wife feels extremely uncomfortable attending, and honestly, I don’t blame her. She’s been treated poorly for years, and this latest incident was the last straw. I told my sister that if my wife isn’t welcome, I won’t attend the wedding either. She’s upset and claims that I’m being unreasonable and ruining her big day.

AITA for deciding not to attend my sister's wedding to support my wife? I love my sister, but I feel like my loyalty should lie with my wife, especially given the circumstances.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/sleepysarah0 on 2025-02-21 14:40:16.

She's nice, no doubt . But she'd get on my nerves like no other. I noticed her behavior before we became "close" and at that time I was thinking I'd never be close to her because well, i don't like her at all. But things change, i wanted to become a better person so i started talking to her more. And then BOOM we became so close it's like we're actually "meant" to be "friends" all along.

Reasons i don't really like her:

1. On my birthday, i decided to curl my hair (because well, it's my birthday and I've never done it before) and decides to show it to my friends. I did and she tried to ruined my hair. I was upset but i played along thinking that maybe its her way of teasing(she did ruined it at some point).

2. She LOVES male attention. It's not even funny anymore She'd say "i might sound like a pick me" and exactly sound like one and ACTS like one.

3. She act different when we're with others. It's like she's a whole different person. She acts nicer and She never listen to me anymore.

4. She laughed at me when i scored less than her at a particular subject. I never laughed or even smiled when she Scores less. I'd tell her all positive things trying to get her mood better, but a LAUGH is what i get.

There's so much more but I'll stop there.

I tried to stay away from her but i don't know, i can't. And, well, I'll always talk to her again (it's hard to ignore her when we see each other every day). Since i don't really talk to others, I'm stuck with her for now. Its really not that great. I sometimes think that it's me who's actually in the wrong but I'd remember what she did to me and stuff. If I'm actually wrong, i want to change myself and be better and do better. So please tell me who's actually the problem..

(And English is not my first language, so if i made any mistakes i ask for your understanding)

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/injectedintothenet on 2025-02-21 05:36:30.

For context, we are a system (medically recognized). One of our persecutors recently told off our friend because he was positive that our friend was being toxic towards us. This isn’t the first time he’s done this, and none of the others are sure whether or not what he did was right or wrong. The reason why the argument started was because of something I said the day prior, regarding feeling excluded from the rest of our friend group.

Now getting on to the actual argument, he says our friend started off accusatory and deflecting any blame. I will quote the copy and pasted message of what our friend said. “hey so i dont mean this in a bad way so if anyhing i say sounds rude i dont mean it like that but you going home and immediately putting that you were excluded in your status is blatant lying because 1st. victoria isnt even friends with you , she doesnt like you and you dont like her . 2. you didnt really even sit by us and weren't contributing to the convo anyway so im a bit confused and 3. when i DID try to talk to you because i was concerned that you seemed a bit upset you had a terrible tone and way of responding so i assumed you were upset withh me so i didnt continue yhe conversation ! my personal opinion i just had to get out.”

Our persecutor, who we’ll refer to as A was almost immediately triggered by the response and instead of letting me, the host handle it he took matters into his own hands. Something that’s also important is that A is also not good at conveying tone or keeping his cool, so he went all out and called him out on our friends “blatant bs”. Apparently I am no longer on speaking terms with him, but I (the host) was not there for this conversation and I had nothing to do with it until I came back to front to handle things.

He goes on to accuse me (who keep in mind, isn’t even in the conversation) of “doing a bunch of shit” and blames me for the entire interaction. He refused to elaborate on said “shit” and still does. (All I have done for this guy is defend him, white-knight for him, and buy him things he asked ME for.) And now isn't responding at all, has unfriended or blocked me on everything besides the regular Messages App.

TLDR; Alter called friend out on toxic behavior, friend got mad and blamed the host and cut us off + is refusing to speak to us.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Background_Lake5615 on 2025-02-21 05:29:54.

So for starters I used to smoke weed everyday mostly all day for about 8 years. I got diagnosed with cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome. Basically everytime I smoked I’d get extreme anxiety and I would vomit.. so I had to quit. My girlfriend said she wanted to quit too, but wanted to wean off of it. It was easier for me to quit because it made me feel like shit. By the time I was 3 months sober, she quit completely. I made it to 6 months sober and at that point she was about 3 months sober.

I lost my grandmother who was like a mom to me, and my girlfriend’s cat passed, we were both dealing with immense grief, and we smoked again. We both said it would just be a one night thing to help “take the weight off of our shoulders”. Well we got a joint from the dispensary because we got rid of all of our paraphernalia.

Our tolerance wasn’t high so we could only take a hit. I didn’t enjoy my high. It actually was pretty intense and overwhelming. It was for her too. Except, she kept smoking night after night. That same joint she’d just take a hit off it. When it ran out, she went and bought some weed and made a pipe. It’s been 3 months and she’s smoking I’d say about 3-4 times a week. Only at night.

I keep telling her I don’t like that she is doing this. I wish she wouldn’t smoke. She doesn’t see a problem with it. She told me tonight she never wants to stop. She wants to be able to smoke when she wants. To me, this is a red flag meaning I’m scared it will become a problem in the future like smoking all day or too often. Also the fact a few months ago she wanted to stay sober and told me the smoking was a one night thing we were gonna do together and then not again. She hasn’t been coming to the gym as much so she can stay home and smoke. She says it helps her unwind but we had other ways of unwinding when we were sober. I just want her to be healthy and on the same page as me. I don’t want to be controlling but I also don’t want to be annoyed everytime she smokes..

Am I the asshole for wanting her to stop again?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Plenty_Map_116 on 2025-02-21 02:48:31.

So I agreed to go to a friends destination wedding because I had a free flight. So I RSVPd yes a few months ago and booked a room with other guests on the wedding block at the hotel. This is a wedding in the carribean so all guests have to stay at the hotel. The wedding is coming up in April so I went to book my flight and turns out my credit had expired. Since without the credit the flight is over $700 I decided it was out of my budget. I told the friends to take me off the room. I was meaning to tell the bride and groom but I’ve been busy so I hadn’t gotten around to it. Before I had the time to text them myself, the bride noticed and texted me pissed saying her count was off and she didn’t know why I had cancelled my spot without telling them. She said the hotel already closed her rsvp and she had already bought party favors and did her seating chart assuming I was coming. I just don’t think I’m obligated to go if I don’t want to pay so much for a flight and feel this is a perfectly acceptable reason to bail, since it’s a destination wedding. So AITAH for not going to this wedding?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Glum_Regret_3985 on 2025-02-21 00:29:28.

I, 17F have been friends with 'Bella', 19F, for under a year. I am not very fond of her, but I don't want to be rude and we talk rarely.

For context, Bella is provided with special help for her learning disability (I am not sure which one), which I have no problem with as it really is none of my business. She has also been held back two years, to explain her age.

Recently, we have been doing a project in English and were told to chose partners. Bella came up to me and asked if we could be partners. I didn't want to be rude and say no, so I said yes, thinking it wouldn't be a big deal.

For more context (this story requires a lot of context so bare with me), we had been working on gathering evidence all unit, so it was basically just a matter of putting it into slides. We even had an entire class period dedicated to writing out what we would put on each of our slides so it would be a simple process. Sidenote, this project was about benefits of music electives in schools, just for some more context.

Also, there were about 5 special needs kids in this class, and only one special needs helper.

Needless to say, it felt like I was expected to act as her teacher. She would frequently get distracted trying to talk about My Hero Academia to me, even though I repeatedly told her I had never watched the show and honestly didn't have any interest in doing so, and then I would have to politely redirect her back to her unfinished work.

Another day, It felt like a chore, I highlighted everything I wanted her to use as evidence, and gave her instructions on how to format it because she kept on asking me how to do it, and it still took her many re-directions to actually do her work.

Another day, I asked her where she had gotten her quotes from, since she had cited only first names of people I had never met, and she said that they were her friends that were in music electives. I had suspicions on whether this was something they had actually said, so I asked and she said that it was indeed not something they had said, and I was honestly just kind of annoyed at that point since that literally defeats the purpose of a quote.

I asked my teacher if I could switch partners and she said yes, so I joined another group to be a group of 3, and she went to another group to make a group of 3 aswell.

At lunch, I was with my close friend and I was rambling about how it had just been pretty frustrating, and I was honestly pretty proud if myself for actually doing something about it unlike how I would usually just deal with it.

Sophie, we'll call her, was sitting next to me and overheard, said that I was rude and that I probably made Bella feel bad by leaving groups, and I admit I could've done a better job at communicating my frustration with Bella, but I don't think it was really my fault that there was not enough help to help Bella considering that she has special needs.

Her friends agreed with her and I just want to know if I was actually in the wrong for doing what I did.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/pinkroses28192819 on 2025-02-20 22:00:50.

I've been roommates with my best friend Emma (21F) since freshman year (I'm a senior now). Last semester, she started dating Adam (21M), who struggles with nicotine and possibly alcohol addiction. Emma warned him multiple times that if he kept using, she'd break up with him. He went sober for a while but relapsed. They compromised: he could have three drinks socially. One night, we went to a friend's house. Emma dropped Adam off early for some bro time. When we returned, he quickly drank his 3 beers. Before leaving, we went to to "smoke room," where Adam took a few puffs (but Emma and I passed). On the drive home, Adam asked Emma to pull over to throw up. She was upset, assuming he'd had more than his 3 drinks. We drove back to the friend's house so he could get cleaned up, but she debated leaving him there because she thought he lied. I agreed, thinking he was obviously drunk. We drove home and he tried to explain that he threw up because this was his first time smoking in a while and he was also sick. They eventually worked it out, but I didn’t believe him. Before Thanksgiving, Adam lost his wallet in our apartment. After the car incident, I found it in the pantry under toilet paper but left it there because he was being an a-hole to Emma. A week later, I felt guilty and "found" it in a drawer. Adam immediately accused me of stealing it and told Emma I’d steal from her too (even though we lived together for 3 years with no issue). He refuses to be in the same room as me, claiming I've always wanted to ruin their relationship and told her to drive home because I hate him so much. We share mutual friends, but they've only heard his version. They want nothing to do with me bc im a “thief”. I didn’t feel I should have to defend my character bc I thought they were my friends too. Emma eventually stopped talking to me bc Adam convinced her of his narrative because he's been insecure about our friendship. note: Emma repeatedly told me that Adam complains that she cares about my opinion more than his because we were so close. Through the whole semester, he always thought I had malicious intentions against him because he "wasn't being a good boyfriend to her". I never intentionally made him feel bad for being shitty to her or consistently arguing with him whenever he got drunk. It's clear that Adam has a drinking problem that he has addressed and promised to fix, but never followed through on it. I was at the end of my wits from his constant presence in my living space and treating my friend poorly. My therapist suggested that he might be jealous of me in previous sessions before the wallet situation, but it's clear that he's milking this situation to get me out of Emma's life so my opinion of him doesn't matter to her anymore. It's really sad that my best friend chose to side with her boyfriend even if it cost us our friendship.

Please let me know your thoughts because I feel like I'm going crazy trying to defend myself. Is Emma even a good friend?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/RemarkablePhrase9115 on 2025-02-20 21:03:41.

I, Kyle, am 34 years old. My ex boyfriend/roommate, Aaron, 34, occasionally does mth. He does it as a booty bump. He knows I know that he does it, because I threw away 3 needleless syringes that he used. His behavior towards me has changed, he's meaner to me, gaslights me into believing he's not on it, when I can CLEARY TELL his IS on it, having lived with him and his family for 9 years, I know him. I know him drunk, stoned, or on other drugs. I miss my best friend/brother. I just want him to stop it. He told me if I stop my prescription of my Adderall, because I'm high functioning autistic, then he'll stop the mth. Which I dismissed and shot down because I am prescribed my meds, and that is only his addiction talking. Reddit, AITA for NOT saying anything? Please help. Any and all comments are accepted. Thanks in advance.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Downtown_Ruin_3043 on 2025-02-20 20:46:03.

So I gotta give you two little backgrounds before I get to the question.

In elementary and middle school I was tormented. I went to really small town school and the queen bee decided she didn't like me. If I made a friend she would do everything in her power to make them hate me. I was very isolated because of this and tried to hurt myself multiple times, which prompted my mom to switch me to a school a few towns over.

The 2nd background is 12 years ago I was in a really bad roll over accident. I rolled my car 5 times down a highway trying to miss a log in the road. I was in therapy and had multiple surgeries over the course of 2 years. Besides nerve damage and some scars, I'm 100% now. There was no brain damage or anything thankfully.

Onto my am I the asshole question. A few years ago I started getting friend requests or messages from people from that school. I want nothing to do with them! If I did I would of reached out on my own. Telling people I have no interest in talking to them usually leads to the question of why? It's annoying and I don't feel like I need to explain myself. So I started using my wreck and saying "I'm sorry but I was in a really bad car wreck a while back and most of my childhood and teenage years is just a blur so unfortunately I don't remember you". It works and people usually leave me alone after that.

Today my daughter is out with my mom and they ran into one of those girls. She naturally remembered my mom and started asking about me. My daughter messaged me asking if I remember the girl. I told my daughter just tell her I had a car wreck and don't remember her. My daughter asked why and I explained it to her and why I do it.

She says I'm an asshole and my partner thinks I'm being petty and I should just suck it up and tell people I don't want to talk to them. I think I'm too old to answer people's questions and saying that saves me the headache and they leave me the hell alone. I'm saving my mental health! So am I the asshole for using my car wreck as the reason I don't remember people that I don't want anything to do with ?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Betta_RP13 on 2025-02-20 19:54:33.

I, 37f, have a daughter, K, 17f, that will be graduation high school in May. I am no longer with her father, S, 42m, and we haven't been together since K was a 1 year old. Despite how we broke up(S cheated) we carried on with a good co-parenting relationship. I wasn't a fan of his new wife, JE, 40f, at the time, and he wasn't a fan of my current partner,JO, 42m. S and JE were together and married for maybe 12 years? Not to mention that S cheated on her with 2 girls that we know of. Over the course of 16 years, S has been married twice, engaged now to a woman he met 2 months ago. Has been in, at the very least, 30 relationships in those 16 years. S moved a few states away when K was around 13/14 years old. Never gave her his new number, never even told her he moved. This was around covid time. K's grandpa, S dad, planned to go and visit and took K and her little sister from JE. Ever since he moved away, K hasn't had a solid relationship with him or his family. She has 3 aunts, KEL, B, and JACK. Plus cousins. The only family member that ever reached out was Grandpa, R. Fast forward to now. S is back in our state, different town. Hasn't reached out to spend time with K. Non of the other family members have reached out. The last time she heard from his family and seen them was at the Grandpa's funeral. I know she wants to have that family dynamic feeling back with them, but no one is reaching out to help with anything related to Ks graduation. I have 0 pictures of that side to put in the slideshow. I have a handful of addresses to send, but not everyone's. I would like to add that S's ex wife, the 1st one, JE, had moved a state away, and has 2 other kids, T and JAD( K grew up with them as well). K spends alot of time with T and JAD and they will obviously be invited to her grad party, as well as JE and her family. K sees and talks to them more than anyone on her dad's side. My mama heart is telling me to just suck it up and deal with it. Include whatever bits and pieces I have to make it special for K. Another part of me wants to leave out everything from his side. Not only leave out pics and any reminders of her dad's side, but not even invite them. I want to only put in pics of grandpa as he was always there for her when he could be. I know what the RIGHT thing to do is, but I really want to do the PETTY thing. Just looking for advice or even if anyone else has been in this position and what did you do? Thanks Added Note: K is horrible when it comes to being emotional about anything, so I really don't know what she wants, or what will make her happy on her Graduation Day.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/momslovemefishfearme on 2025-02-20 19:30:25.

Okay, please help me out cause I genuinely don’t want to offend anyone. I got a jelly fish cut, which basically means i have the top layer of hair shorter and then the bottom layer is longer. I wanted to put a few braids in my hair on the bottom layer but it looked weird cause my hair still isn’t that long. I wanted to get extensions but they are so expensive. I had a friend of mine (they are POC and do hair) to go and get hair from the beauty shop she goes to. I went in and the cashier was really sweet and helped me. She color matched my hair with the fake hair they had, which the hair is kanekalon. She showed me how to braid it in so it’ll stay and I went home and did it. I really really like it. My hair blends into it nice and the hair ontop is long enough that it’s all just kinda blends nicely together. Well, I went to work, and one of my coworkers said I was culturally appropriating with the braids. I didn’t think so and I tried really hard beforehand to make sure I wasn’t and was told multiple times by my friend, the cashier, etc, that I wasn’t, but now I feel bad and I’m not so sure. Idk what to do now. I really like them and want to keep them in but now I feel like the asshole.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Puzzled_Signature417 on 2025-02-20 19:14:43.

I (16F) have two parents that were together, but never married and now are separated. They have a great relationship, they are best friends through and through, as my mother has a husband. I don’t talk to her husband, but i always communicate with her everyday as well as my father. I live with my father, not with my mother.

In my family runs problems, such as mental health and health issues. I have Chronic Migraines that I have inherited from my mother. She has treatment of pills and also Neurologist appointments. However, i have only had one Neurologist when i was living with her but i stopped getting treated for an unknown reason. Since July, i have moved in with my father. So i asked my father to make an appointment with my doctor.

When he did, the guy he was talking to on the phone refused to give him any information on finding a Neurologist, because he wasn’t on the list. My mother is, so he went to her and asked her to call the insurance so we can find one in our area, mind you this was 2 months ago.

She hasn’t, and refuses to because she believes that he should. She has free time, but he does too. They have been fighting for two months now on who should call and both of them haven’t, why does it get me angry? Because it doesn’t matter who calls, it’s the fact they both haven’t made the call for me even when i am begging because the migraines i have effected my everyday life.

It angers me that not even one of them will make the call after two months. My father can call places around, and my mother can make one simple call to the insurance and find out. But they are both instead fighting still to this Thursday about it. I got angry with them and kind of yelled at them in a mature way that they need to get off their asses and make the call, however they said i was out of line and i have no reason to be angry. Am i the asshole? (Take note i am under-care of a pediatric doctor and legally not allowed to make any appointment or call at all, i am legally required to have a parent/guardian.)

[I will not contact any authority for this. I have many problems that cause my parents not to call, my mother is very hard working, also my father is as well. They are treating me well and I am cared for! They do NOT neglect me in anyway! I love my parents very much, they are sometimes assholes.]

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Rare_Age1695 on 2025-02-20 15:38:36.

My partner and I got into an argument because they talk about other people behind their backs, people we consider friends.

I understand the need to vent or make observations, but they will say things like, “they are a try hard.” It makes me feel uncomfortable because I don’t like to focus on the negative things, or perhaps I’m just terrible at reading people. I tried to tell them it’s the way they communicate those thoughts, and that if someone were to say those things about me, I would be hurt.

They think it’s just an observation and that they should be able to vent about these things. They said they would just have these discussions with someone else, so I just said fine.

I’m not entirely sure what to make of this.

EDIT:

Thanks to everyone for their comments. I don’t believe my partner is talking poorly about me, in fact I know they talk about me with high praise to others.

For those asking for more context/examples, it has happened several times, and sometimes it can be hard for me to understand when they are venting and when they are judging. Most of the time, they are observations on someone’s character, or they can pick up on what they think are someone else’s insecurities and then tell me about them. In this recent example, it was that this person was a “try hard” and they try to be more manly because they are insecure about their size. I didn’t particularly think this was a constructive conversation to have, and felt uncomfortable about it. I also don’t pick up on the same thing, I just think this person works hard, and likes to network/create friendships and make a good impression on people. Yes, he’s not tall but I don’t think that means he’s insecure about it.

I told my partner I didn’t want them to not talk to me about their thoughts, but if they say something that crosses the line or makes me uncomfortable, I will let them know. And my partner isn’t constantly talking about other people, they do say a lot of nice things about our friends as well. I guess I made this post because I was wondering if I was in the wrong, but in this situation, I think we are both right. It’s good to have conflicting thoughts and different opinions as long as they are discussed in a respectful way. I suppose I have an insecurity against strongly opinionated people, especially when it is my partner.

Also, most people assuming my partner is female because they are complaining and judging are incorrect. I used they/them to keep it neutral.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/GroundIndividual281 on 2025-02-21 14:17:31.

Am I the asshole if I move in with my parents to help my financial situation but on the day before paying rent and before we move into the new apartment. I’ve put my myself a bad financial situation but a way to help it, is if I move in with my parents.

But the thing is my roommates and I are moving into a new apartment and the needed money is too much for me right now. I wasn’t aware of this situation until recently and I’m still in school.

WIBTA if I move in with my parents, on our current lease we have till the 25th, so about 3 days but they are moving into the new apartment on the 22nd and they already are going to pay the deposit and rent which is too much for me to pay.

It’s a 3 bedroom apartment, if I left they’d have to find a new roommate or have to pay the part I would be paying.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/No-Will5005 on 2025-02-21 14:10:49.

For context: My work requires a lot of concentration, and when I’m working from home, I sometimes don’t respond right away or ask my wife to repeat herself if she talks to me while I’m working. She does something similar, but not specifically when she’s working—rather, it’s when she’s on her phone. We’ve talked about this before, and as far as I knew, we were okay with it.

Today, I took a vacation day to spend quality time with my wife since I’ve been working long hours for the past four weeks. However, I needed to send an email and check a report early in the morning. While I was doing that, she started talking about an incident that happened roughly two years ago. She explained that she felt uncomfortable in a flight back then because an elderly person sitting next to her was giving her strange looks, and she felt like it was some sort of “silent racism”.

This was the first time she ever mentioned it. Honestly, I wasn’t paying full attention because I was focused on my work, but I responded with something like, “Yeah, there are always people like that acting like colonizers.” In hindsight, I realize it was a thoughtless comment, but I didn’t know what else to say at the moment.

She started crying, saying that I don’t pay attention to her and that I didn’t try to comfort her. I explained that I was working and reminded her that I get very focused when I’m in work mode. I also apologized and tried to reassure her, but she’s still upset.

The thing is, this happened two years ago, and she never mentioned it until today. I understand why she was hurt, but I also feel caught off guard.

AITA?

TL;DR: I was working from home while on vacation and didn’t pay full attention when my wife shared a hurtful experience from two years ago that she never mentioned before. I responded with a careless comment, and she got upset, saying I didn’t comfort her. I apologized and explained I was focused on work, but she’s still hurt. AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/qk114 on 2025-02-21 13:55:01.

Some pretext, I live in the US and the person I'm seeing is in Europe. We're not a couple yet but we've both decided to only date each other. When we met me made it clear we both have a crush on each other and decided we wanted to date but they didn't want to rush into a relationship so they wanted to wait before making us official.

So the story is that they have gone to a furcon in Europe. No problem I thought and wished them well. 3 days into the convention they haven't said a word despite me making an effort to check in and ask how they're doing and if the cons going well. I get nothing in response. We had a mild argument beforehand and they said they'd respond when available, however I didn't think they meant waiting till after the con to respond so I got frustrated and assumed they just didn't want to talk anymore. They said they've been too busy partying to respond to me and that they will respond when they can.

Having BPD I don't handle feelings of abandonment and I've mentioned this condition to them before. This doesn't seem to change the fact that they don't take the time to respond hardly ever.

Am I wrong for wanting them to keep in contact while at a con? Am I expecting too much?