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Greetings to you, Limul Inchedtown, and your husband, Tulon Tintorches, in the Fortress of Luckclasp of The Hairy Tools on the Null Continents, on behalf of the Fortress of Roomtheaters of The Hairy Tools on the Fated Continent, and in particular on behalf of your lover Valentina Caveroot and your daughter with her, Zulban Mountaindances. This letter carries urgent and tragic news regarding Zulban and her experiences at this young city to this date, 1st Granite 105 After Worldgen (AW).

As you know, the outpost vanguard set out at the dawn of the new century, 1st Granite of the year 100. After two weeks of grueling travel they arrived at the Fated Continent, where there are no goblins! I'm sure you and Tulon have been busy fighting their relentless attacks back home, and I can only hope that this missive finds you alive and well. The outpost liaison brought news that the Hillocks of Roadshot was conquered. We all pray for the safety of the dwarves that live there.

Valentina and Zulban arrived in the first year just as the fortress was being established. Everything is always so chaotic at the start, isn't it? The miners were eager to dig down, and they found an underground cavern with rich soil, enormous fungal trees, glittering gems, and troglodytes. A group of the beastly cave dwellers immediately ran into the fortress through the newly excavated opening, perhaps out of curiosity. But while they're clearly sapient in their own way, their mad rush quickly turned terrifying.

I wasn't here, yet, I don't know for sure what happened. A fight started, and it quickly turned into a massacre of the unarmed troglodytes against dwarven axes, spears, and picks. Zulgan was spared any injury, but she's never been the same since. The things she saw, Limul. She won't talk about them, but it clearly haunts her. By New Year's Day 104 she had turned hateful, resenting every trip to the rubbish heap where their corpses had been absent-mindedly discarded.

It was time for our annual planning meeting. I suggested we dig an ossuary or catacombs for the troglodyte corpses, out of sight from the sunny pastures and fields atop our little grassy table. It was clear something had to be done, and I have to tell you that I overheard some dark whisperings, suggestions I don't dare repeat.

There were also the usual complaints about a lack of ammunition for the hunters and an overall lack of steel bars to make any properly dwarfy weapons and armor with. We all resolved to spend the year quarrying out dolomite and getting our steel industry up and running. Meanwhile we used an abundance of smelted iron to make crossbow bolts, helms, and battle axes. They aren't as good as proper steel, of course, but it's certainly better than nothing and also better than copper.

The year began auspiciously enough with the establishment of a new guild for the stoneworkers, The Mountainous Hall. But just two weeks later Zulban began throwing a tantrum, hitting anyone and anything nearby. She broke an alpaca's foot, and Mosus Amalastesh's arm, but probably the worst of it was the human spearman Utesh Felkel. She saw him and got the most dreadful look upon her, and then leapt at him and punched his ear so hard, I don't have words to describe it except that it exploded in gore! Utesh has been in a terrible mood all year and I thought he might throw a tantrum, as well, but I'll spare you the suspense and tell you that his mood has been improving, lately.

Zulban's tantrum ended and she was immediately regretful. She said Utesh's face had looked like that of a dead troglodyte, that everyone's faces looks like the dead troglodytes. She was despondent, and we were naive, maybe. We hoped that would be the end of it, that with the ossuary dug and their corpses properly interred, we could focus on letting Zulban rest and recover from her trauma. While Mosus lay in traction, unconscious, the elves arrived with a load of peaches that we bought for a platinum figurine and some old plant-based clothes. They don't accept wood or animal products of any kind.

After they departed, Zulban threw another tantrum, breaking a craftsdwarf's rib, and then slipped into depression.

During the summer as we expanded our smelting capacity and starting churning out steel bars, she threw another tantrum while playing in the mayor's room. Luckily that time nobody else was inside, so we simply locked her in and let her stomp out her frustration at not being able to start fist fights. Her tantrum passed, we unlocked the doors to let her get a drink, and Id Mosuskovest created an artifact hemp sock named Alennotlith.

And then midsummer. Limul, your daugter is mighty and agile. We should have had her locked away. We hoped that socializing and the mist generator would do her some good. But something set her off, and she attacked Sodel, the chief medical dwarf. She broke his neck. I'm sorry to say it so bluntly, especially when you and I have never met, but she beat him until she had crushed his upper spine and then left him for dead.

And then she walked straight over to iteb Lushononul's room and crushed his neck, too. Then she managed to corner the mayor and started beating him, until we were able to pull her off and calm her down again. Sodel and iteb died soon afterwards, and the mayor's upper spine is still bruised months later.

We started building a prison room for her with an iron door. We stocked it with food and drink, and put in some fine furniture for her. We assigned her to the room and she agreed without resisting. We can't let her roam the fortress free, and she's too young to exile.

While we were working on that in late summer, we were attacked by Domoaro Spumnodmeslu Ustxu the Mountain Titan, a giant winged ankylosaurus. We sent the military squads up atop the mesa to meet the titan and were ready when it landed! It pounced upon Udil Shorastotur, our pet buck rabbit, while our valorous militia hacked it to pieces.

Sadly, my friend Kib Ethadedem was visiting Zulban at the time. We're not even sure why she was there, but Zulban threw another tantrum and broke Kib's neck before she could escape. We retrieved her corpse and then locked the door to Zulban's room, where she's been kept since. We only let her out once to attend a meeting with the mayor so he could go meet with the diplomat, and then she washed Kib's blood off at a pond and returned straight to her room to sleep, poor thing.

For her part, Valentina has kept in good spirits. She has her duties as captain of the guard to keep her busy, and the much needed support of her husband and their children here. But she's greatly worried, and she was happy to let me take on the burden of delivering this news to you, Limul.

When the autumn trade caravan arrived, we bought the ore and parchment we had ordered, and a stringed instrument for a pile of mussel shell crafts and used clothing. There was only one boulder each of sphalerite, bismuthinite, horn silver, and a gold nugget. The caravan had no wagons, so they couldn't carry much weight.

Fortunately, we've been accepted as a barony of The Hairy Tools, and we nominated Kumil Godendishmab to be our new baroness! As a bard, she should be accustomed to keeping us entertained, her primary role as uplifted nobility. And her demands for ammunition and armor will be welcome reminders to keep ourselves well supplied. We ordered cassiterite, pig tail sheets, lye, cave blob leather, and more musical instruments. Now that we're a barony, we can expect wagons loaded with trade goods!

In midautumn Solon Zulbanebal withdrew into a strange mood, muttering demands for silk cloth, among other things. Naturally we had large piles of yarn, hemp, rope reed, and pig tail cloth, but no silk! After some deliberation, we decided to risk opening the gate to the cavern to collect cave spider webs and weave some silk cloth. A group of troglodytes rushed in, and were again massacred, but at least this time Zulban was spared the sight of it. They were quickly taken to the catacombs with the others.

Once Solon had enough silk, we called everyone back in and closed the gate. And just in time! Soon afterwards we heard strange sounds like a lumbering feathery scorpion scuttling around the caverns, and eventually tearing a group of troglodytes limb from limb even as Solon finished up the creation of Nitig Noram, a mudstone earring.

On the 4th of Moonstone in early winter, Ushat Logemmunest, Fish Cleaner, and her husband Lokum Tatkadol, Armorer, became parents for the third time with the birth of Logem Olonibruk, so there's some joy in the fort, as well. We've also attracted some of the locals to the fortress, and they've joined us as long term residents and now as citizens. This year, we accepted 3 more humans and a dingo woman as citizens of Roomtheaters.

Sadly, just two weeks before the year ended our beloved war grizzly bear Hex died suddenly when she was kicked in the head by a wild horse.

I don't know what to do for Zulban. If there's any way you can help her, I implore you to make all haste to Roomtheaters. She has enough food and water to reach adulthood, but I fear we'll decide to exile her to the wilderness or worse if she hasn't made any recovery by then.

May Your Tools Ever Be Hairy, context bronzebent, bone doctor

-File here: Strike the Earth!

-The relationships depicted in the letter above are accurate in-game. I didn't have to make any of that up.

-Deaths:

3 dwarves, including chief medical dwarf, killed by a very strong, traumatized child

1 buck rabbit pet, killed by a flying dinosaur mountain titan (pictured)

1 war grizzly bear, kicked in the head by a wild horse

-Births and new citizens: 1 baby dwarf, 3 adult humans, 1 adult dingo woman. I initially had population cap setting well below the fortress' population. I changed pop cap to 120 (don't need any more migrants) and strict pop cap to 160 to allow babies, and immediately afterwards Logem was born, like the birth was blocked and waiting for the strict pop cap to lift.

-Roomtheaters is now a barony! We can expect fully loaded trade wagons with the caravan next year!

-Total population at year end: 131

-New Stoneworkers guild and guildhall.

-Zulban, the traumatized child that killed 3 people, has been locked in a room with enough food and drink to last a few years.

-Food/drink/clothing production are all operating with minimal oversight. Crafted 40 large stone pots when we were behind on barrels. With our basic needs having settled into a nice routine, we've been free to focus on our steel production. Many thanks to the industrious efforts of our fortress community!

-Forged some steel shields, bucklers, helms, breastplates, and short swords. 120 steel bars remain for future use.

-Forged some iron shields, bucklers, helms, and battle axes. Over 400 iron bars remain for future use.

-Forged some copper shields and bucklers. 120 copper bars remain for future use.

-Forged some copper and iron crossbow bolts, but the hunters have been going through them. Will need more soon.

-There's a little dolomite left to continue making steel, but will need to dig out more for larger production quotas.

-Need cassiterite ore to get any tin with which to make any bronze. Right now we have 1 bismuthinite for bismuth if we want to make some neat goth-looking bismuth bronze, but we still need tin. All we have is zinc in the unprocessed sphalerite ore.

-There's like 50 platinum and 25 silver bars to make expensive crafts or furniture.

-Ordered: cassiterite, lye, pig tail sheets, dakaels (musical instrument), cave blob leather. Note that Zulban waiting to attend a meeting about her tantrums prevented the mayor from meeting with the diplomat to place an order. I had to let her out to clear the mayor's task queue and meet the diplomat. Zulban actually did have a tantrum while out of her room, but was too tired and returned to go sleep without attacking anyone along the way.

-Our baroness is all set up with an appropriately fancy suite of rooms and a tomb. No oustanding demands.

-There's an injured forgotten beast in the cavern. Be prepared to go fight it if we need to open the gate.

-Created two more melee militia squads and started training.

They made the boss look trans and that's a fucking crime.

The chin is different, it looks like a man's chin, the mouth is different, it looks like a man's mouth, more specifically it looks like Chris Chan's mouth, don't believe me, go do an image search. Neither the mouth or the chin or the brow or forehead or zygomatic process feminine in any way in the remake version.

The boss has deep cheek hollows because they changed her maxilla as well, literally everything they did was to make the Boss look like a ******.