Susaga

joined 2 years ago
[–] Susaga 1 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago)

This time, Trump is intelligent, and it's OPs fault it's happening.

[–] Susaga -3 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Granted. Trump is now fully capable of stripping the people of their rights to enrich the state and turn America into an effective fascist engine of war. He then turns his machine on the rest of the world to spread the goodness of America.

[–] Susaga 14 points 1 day ago

"I was wondering how I was able to describe so much of the room without you lot interrupting me..."

[–] Susaga 7 points 1 day ago

It also applies for when a bard is fond of haunted mansions. Note: I tend to play bards.

[–] Susaga 0 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I don't really get how my comment is aggressive, since all I did was point out a type of problem GM. There's a suspiciously defensive reply to it that tries to paint it as aggressive, but I disagree.

Yes, you can make players pre-plan. You nudge them.

The timer encourages speed by penalising a slow, methodical approach. You might avoid the penalty by pre-planning, or you might avoid it by taking a simpler action every time. Both make the game move faster, but one makes the game less fun, especially for players like me who enjoy a good shenanigan.

Why does it matter how much time everyone takes? Outside of an argument that shouldn't happen in the first place, why would you need to know? Remember that everyone's moving at a different speed because there's a timer, so you can only measure post-timer, not pre-.

The GM tried to fix long turns by bringing in a timer. The first problem is the long turns, and the second problem is the timer. Pre-planning solves the problem of there being a timer.

[–] Susaga 0 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

That is a long fucking comment to ask why someone ELSE cares so much.

If literally everyone at the table wanted a timer in place, is it even necessary? Isn't everyone already motivated? Or was it a majority vote and there's a single person you're not having a very necessary conversation with? Beyond that, who was the one to suggest the timer in the first place?

You said they looked up fireball 6 times in a session. Maybe you were being hyperbolic, which would weaken your argument. If not, then they must use that spell a lot to need to look it up so much. And given it's a simple spell, they must be double-checking the numbers, so they have something in mind for it.

Your biggest benefit to a timer, and your biggest flaw with a nudge, were both about being responsible for the game running smoothly. You're the GM. That's your responsibility. It's everyone's, but the GM is afforded greater power by their position, and with great power...

Yeah, that is a small detail. It's very small. Insignificant, even.

You said the timer fixed the problem. I corrected you, pointing out the timer only prompted the actual fix for the problem, and that's not guaranteed for every table. You called me a snob. I don't feel that upset about it.

[–] Susaga 0 points 2 days ago

It's the same people picking up new technology and telling else to get on board or be left behind. People with a good understanding of technology and society point out the obvious flaws. Then everyone who jumped on the bandwagon starts calling everyone who didn't jump with them a Luddite who is going to be left behind.

Meanwhile, you have people stealing the work from artists without compensation. You have a rampant misuse of computing power to meet the needs of the new technology. You have features forced on people who want nothing to do with it. You have countless people using the technology to get a cheap cash-grab, then hopping on to do it again. You have people using the technology to commit legitimate crimes, using the slow speed of legal definitions to get away with it.

This is nothing new. We've been here before. I'd like to move on.

[–] Susaga 0 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I said this stuff about crypto. I say the same things to the same people with the same confidence. Why should it end any different?

[–] Susaga 0 points 2 days ago (4 children)

If the curtain catches fire, then pandora's box has already been opened and you might as well start spraying gasoline around the room. No point trying to fix problems when we can just accept that the room is on fire and start preparing to be fireproof.

AI is a shitty attempt at a shitty thing. If it improves your work, then your work was REALLY bad. If it gets better, then it will be a GOOD attempt at a shitty thing. Your work is STILL really bad, but now you have a machine to make things you claim credit for. It will never be a good thing.

AI is a technological fire pit, and you are blindly walking into the flames so the other char-grilled victims don't leave you behind. Let me put out the damn fire.

[–] Susaga -4 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I can fucking tell you run a 30 second timer. This is absolutely the mindset of someone with a 30 second timer.

I find it interesting that you say "the onus is on [the players]" as a benefit, because the main problem you listed for actually talking to them is that they might say you were at fault if you forget. You want it to be that, if anything goes wrong, it's only because of what other people did. You don't want to be responsible.

And yet, something did go wrong becaue of your actions. You want everyone to have quick turns, so you set up a timer, and one of your players is using fireball over and over. As if it's a default action they took due to being rushed. Like I said would happen in the first place.

(Oh, sidenote? Calling someone a snob, then insulting people for being slow or forgetful, is pretty fucking hypocritical)

[–] Susaga -3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (8 children)

That's not the point of the timer. The point of a timer is to cut off people taking too much time. As a side effect, people are pre-planning their turns so they don't get cut off by the timer. The solution is the pre-planning, which does not need a timer, nor is it a guaranteed result of a timer.

There was a problem, and in trying to fix it, the DM created a second problem. The players then found the actual solution to the first problem to avoid the second. The DM then took credit for fixing the problem.

Do you remember that episode where Homer became Mr Burns' assistant, and was so bad that Mr Burns became more independent so he wouldn't need Homer's help? It's basically like that.

[–] Susaga 16 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (13 children)

I like shenanigans characters, where you always have a trick up your sleeves. I'm not a super-powerful D&D character in real life, so it will take me a moment to come up with those tricks and put them in my sleeves. As such, I think of turn timers as a problem, not a solution.

I saw advice which was just that, whenever someone starts their turn, give a nudge to the person next down the line. That way, they'll have more time to plan before their turn starts, and it's not like they were doing anything then anyway. Way better.

 

"But you ARE a lawyer."

"Yeah, so where's my present?"

 

So they can hide in cherry trees.

Alright, why don't you ever see elephants hiding in cherry trees?

Because they're very good at it.

191
submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by Susaga to c/[email protected]
 

That's an offer that's hard to turn down, or at least to look into a little. And the sign is right by the house with the dog sat on the porch, so it's easy enough to check out.

"So, you can talk, huh?"

"Yep" says the dog.

The man is surprised and impressed. "How did you learn to talk?"

"Oh, I was part of a government program run by the CIA to create a new genus of super dog, genius level intellect and top quality skills. I was the only one of the litter who could talk, so they fast tracked me up to being an agent. They taught me how to use a gun with my mouth, how to drive with my paws, how to diffuse a bomb with my tail, and even how to parachute into hostile territory. Apparently, thanks to the genius genes, I learned even faster than the human agents, and I was sent to Russia as a spy within a month.

"I had an amazing time chatting up the local pooches, begging diplomats for treats, and feeding top secret info back to the states. My work even helped delay the war on Ukraine by 2 years, but I blew my cover when I called Putin a jerk straight to his face. He sent his top guys after me, and I had to flee through the city. Jumped onto a train through Serbia and swam across the Bering Strait into Alaska.

"Unfortunately, Putin sent an assassin after me as I was moving through Canada, and he caught my dominant paw. I had to take the guy out with one of my ears, but I managed to survive, and my wounds healed really well. Now I'm retired, so I decided to keep this town safe."

"Holy crap" says the man, transfixed. When the dog's owner comes out, he looks up at the guy and asks "Why the heck are you selling him for only $5?"

"Cause he's a frickin liar! He's never spent a day outside of Utah!"

 

They couldn't see that well.

11
submitted 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) by Susaga to c/[email protected]
 

The genie appears before him and declares "I am a powerful genie! Due to budget cuts, I will only be granting one wish, but you can wish for anything you desire and I shall make it come true!"

The farmer wastes no time. "My neighbour, Peter, was once as poor as me. One day, he received a cow as a gift, and he began to sell the milk. Suddenly, he is earning twice as much. He could afford to fix the roof, he bought new clothes, and he even took a day off to have wild sex with his wife. That cow made his life so much better than it was before."

The genie nods. "I see. So, your wish is..."

"Kill his cow."

 

He couldn't see that well.

 

Real person, fictional character, or even just hypothetical: I wanna hear it!

34
submitted 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) by Susaga to c/[email protected]
 

There are only two survivors, both of whom are Christian men. They start walking, hoping to find civilisation and a source of food and water. Each sand dune is hell, but they push themselves forward to climb over it. Days pass and their thirst aches their throats, but they keep walking. Finally, their journey pays off, and a village comes into view.

One of the men turns to the other and says "look, we're in a muslim country, and it's a desperate situation. I say we pretend to be muslim. They'll take better care of us for it."

The other man looks aghast. "What? No! I'm a Christian and proud! I have nothing to be afraid of."

As dawn breaks and their legs are about to drop, the men reach the village. A man spots the pair and approaches them, wearing a robe, an imama, and sporting a lengthy beard. "Who are you?"

"I'm Muhammed" says the first man, his real name Peter.

"I'm John" says the second man.

The muslim man takes John by the shoulder, pulling him into the village. "It must have been a long walk, you must be tired. Please, we have plenty of food and water, and there should be a bed for you somewhere."

Then he turns to Peter and opens his arms wide, a warm smile on his face. "Salaam, Muhammed! Happy Ramadan!"

 

An investment banker is looking to hire a new secretary, and has narrowed down his options to three women. While most people in his position would want her to sit and look pretty, he wanted someone dependable. He wanted someone who could offer him good advice when he needed it, and might even reach a position like him in the future.

To this end, he offered each woman a test. He gave each one £10,000 and told them to invest it. After a month, they would return the money to him, and this would serve as an interview.

The first woman invested in hot new stocks, hoping one of them would pay off. Sadly, it proved to be too much of a risk. By the end of the month, she was only able to pay him back £2,000, having lost £8,000.

The second woman invested in stable businesses with gradual growth, getting a steady return per day. By the end of the month, she gave the banker £1000 more than she had been given to begin with.

The third woman invested and pulled her money like a machine, shorting companies and spreading rumours to boost her profits. While she had in excess of £17,000 by the end of the month, she only returned £10,000 to the banker, arguing that everything else was not part of the deal.

Once the test concluded, the banker instantly made up his mind, and hired the woman with the biggest chest.

 

And there's five people in my family.

And I know I'm not Chinese.

So it's either my mum, or my dad, or my younger brother Charlie, or my older brother Huang.

Personally, I think it's Charlie.

4
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by Susaga to c/[email protected]
 

Nothing, she just kinda choked a bit

 

At the front desk, the three are informed that there is only one room left, and the room only has one bed. The guys are comfortable enough with each other that they decide to just share the bed between them.

The next morning, the guy on the left side of the bed wakes up and says to his friends "guys? This is kind of awkward, but I had a sex dream last night. A super hot girl was giving me a handjob on the slopes."

The guy on the right side of the bed then yells "No way! I had a dream that I was getting a handie in the hot tub!"

The guy in the middle just pouts. "It's no fair. You both got super fun, kinky dreams, and I just dreamt I was skiing."

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