Susaga

joined 1 year ago
[–] Susaga 3 points 15 hours ago

Each word is an idea, and each idea already exists in your head. What I'm doing isn't giving you new ideas, but arranging the ideas to get across a meaning.

It's like rock gardens. I didn't make the rocks, but I order them how I like, and I can make a smiley face out of them. I can share my arrangement, and they can try to make it with their rocks. It won't be the same smiley face, but it's still a smiley face, and that's all that matters.

And if there's a rock in your garden that's just a little TOO different to the one in mine, maybe the smiley face won't look right. It happens. If it matters, we can try to move some rocks around and get the right arrangement for the both of us.

[–] Susaga 7 points 2 days ago

Be careful: If you take this advice and want to become a sexy underwear model, you WILL receive a stern email from HR.

[–] Susaga 22 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

There's nothing inherently wrong with poly relationships, so long as everyone is equal and respected. The thing that worries me is that you said "his other girlfriend" and not "her girlfriend." It's not necessarily a red flag, but it is something to be cautious of.

[–] Susaga 21 points 6 days ago

What in the name of king and country is this nonsense?

[–] Susaga 5 points 6 days ago

You know how people will donate money to streamers if they do stupid stuff? If you can do that, you can do this.

 

"But you ARE a lawyer."

"Yeah, so where's my present?"

[–] Susaga 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

We don't even know if you even read about it. Unless I have experience of what you're talking about, I can't say you're wrong. Heck, even if I have experience, I don't know that you didn't just have a different experience.

You can find a good source for your claims, or some supporting evidence, or someone else can come along and back you up. I still wouldn't know, given how easily you can fake sources on the internet, so you could still be lying.

At a certain point, you just need to take it on faith.

[–] Susaga 11 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a human should be able to fly.

[–] Susaga 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

But you're not correcting me. I am using a rule correctly and you don't like it. You're not being helpful, you're being entitled.

I was in the middle of a monologue, and you tried to divebomb the BBEG. That's highly disrespectful, but I'm accommodating and give you a chance to succeed using the existing rules. It doesn't work out the way you want, so you tell me not to use those rules because they're dumb. And you call ME disrespectful for calling you out?

[–] Susaga 3 points 1 week ago (3 children)

There's a lot of things I can say about this. To summarise:

  • Just because WotC wants you to use a new product doesn't mean the old product is outdated.
  • If WotC supports the Pinkertons, I don't support them. But have fun letting your morals fall apart so you can consume product.
  • The Tasha's rule expands on a rule from the DMG. If the rule were to be updated, it would be in the DMG, not the PHB.
  • Most tables don't have the DMG either.
  • The new PHB doesn't have most subclasses. The only reason stuff was omitted was because there wasn't enough space or time to add them in.

All of that hardly matters, because you responded to a DM ruling by saying "nope". No shit we're incompatible. At the VERY least, I want my players to respect me.

[–] Susaga 7 points 1 week ago

Yes, but the only people with the power to stop them have a conflict of interest too.

[–] Susaga 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

In that timeline, Loraine shot Biff, causing old Biff to slowly fade once he got back to 2015. It wasn't explicit in the final cut, but you can see him in pain when he leaves the Delorean.

So, is Melania going to shoot Trump?

[–] Susaga 4 points 1 week ago

No matter what the real world laws of physics are, the GM is the final arbiter of the rules. That's not an ego thing. That's just how it works. Everyone's roleplaying game works the same, even if they have different rulings.

Now, let's quickly picture this scene where the GM instead rolls 14. The BBEG is making his speech, then a shadow falls over him, he looks up, and gets crushed by a brontosaurus. He's resiliant, having taken only half the fall damage, but he's knocked prone and at a serious disadvantage as everyone rolls initiative.

Would anyone complain about the optional rule being used? Would anyone argue there should be no shadow because "the sun wouldn't be there" or "I hadn't transformed yet"? And if they decided to make that check to transform right before impact and succeeded, would they complain about the high DC due to the high speed?

I don't think they would. I think they're only complaining because the GM didn't give them what they wanted. They don't care about the game, they just care about getting their own way.

I agree. I am not compatible with that playstyle.

 

So they can hide in cherry trees.

Alright, why don't you ever see elephants hiding in cherry trees?

Because they're very good at it.

191
submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by Susaga to c/[email protected]
 

That's an offer that's hard to turn down, or at least to look into a little. And the sign is right by the house with the dog sat on the porch, so it's easy enough to check out.

"So, you can talk, huh?"

"Yep" says the dog.

The man is surprised and impressed. "How did you learn to talk?"

"Oh, I was part of a government program run by the CIA to create a new genus of super dog, genius level intellect and top quality skills. I was the only one of the litter who could talk, so they fast tracked me up to being an agent. They taught me how to use a gun with my mouth, how to drive with my paws, how to diffuse a bomb with my tail, and even how to parachute into hostile territory. Apparently, thanks to the genius genes, I learned even faster than the human agents, and I was sent to Russia as a spy within a month.

"I had an amazing time chatting up the local pooches, begging diplomats for treats, and feeding top secret info back to the states. My work even helped delay the war on Ukraine by 2 years, but I blew my cover when I called Putin a jerk straight to his face. He sent his top guys after me, and I had to flee through the city. Jumped onto a train through Serbia and swam across the Bering Strait into Alaska.

"Unfortunately, Putin sent an assassin after me as I was moving through Canada, and he caught my dominant paw. I had to take the guy out with one of my ears, but I managed to survive, and my wounds healed really well. Now I'm retired, so I decided to keep this town safe."

"Holy crap" says the man, transfixed. When the dog's owner comes out, he looks up at the guy and asks "Why the heck are you selling him for only $5?"

"Cause he's a frickin liar! He's never spent a day outside of Utah!"

 

They couldn't see that well.

11
submitted 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) by Susaga to c/[email protected]
 

The genie appears before him and declares "I am a powerful genie! Due to budget cuts, I will only be granting one wish, but you can wish for anything you desire and I shall make it come true!"

The farmer wastes no time. "My neighbour, Peter, was once as poor as me. One day, he received a cow as a gift, and he began to sell the milk. Suddenly, he is earning twice as much. He could afford to fix the roof, he bought new clothes, and he even took a day off to have wild sex with his wife. That cow made his life so much better than it was before."

The genie nods. "I see. So, your wish is..."

"Kill his cow."

 

He couldn't see that well.

 

Real person, fictional character, or even just hypothetical: I wanna hear it!

34
submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by Susaga to c/[email protected]
 

There are only two survivors, both of whom are Christian men. They start walking, hoping to find civilisation and a source of food and water. Each sand dune is hell, but they push themselves forward to climb over it. Days pass and their thirst aches their throats, but they keep walking. Finally, their journey pays off, and a village comes into view.

One of the men turns to the other and says "look, we're in a muslim country, and it's a desperate situation. I say we pretend to be muslim. They'll take better care of us for it."

The other man looks aghast. "What? No! I'm a Christian and proud! I have nothing to be afraid of."

As dawn breaks and their legs are about to drop, the men reach the village. A man spots the pair and approaches them, wearing a robe, an imama, and sporting a lengthy beard. "Who are you?"

"I'm Muhammed" says the first man, his real name Peter.

"I'm John" says the second man.

The muslim man takes John by the shoulder, pulling him into the village. "It must have been a long walk, you must be tired. Please, we have plenty of food and water, and there should be a bed for you somewhere."

Then he turns to Peter and opens his arms wide, a warm smile on his face. "Salaam, Muhammed! Happy Ramadan!"

 

An investment banker is looking to hire a new secretary, and has narrowed down his options to three women. While most people in his position would want her to sit and look pretty, he wanted someone dependable. He wanted someone who could offer him good advice when he needed it, and might even reach a position like him in the future.

To this end, he offered each woman a test. He gave each one £10,000 and told them to invest it. After a month, they would return the money to him, and this would serve as an interview.

The first woman invested in hot new stocks, hoping one of them would pay off. Sadly, it proved to be too much of a risk. By the end of the month, she was only able to pay him back £2,000, having lost £8,000.

The second woman invested in stable businesses with gradual growth, getting a steady return per day. By the end of the month, she gave the banker £1000 more than she had been given to begin with.

The third woman invested and pulled her money like a machine, shorting companies and spreading rumours to boost her profits. While she had in excess of £17,000 by the end of the month, she only returned £10,000 to the banker, arguing that everything else was not part of the deal.

Once the test concluded, the banker instantly made up his mind, and hired the woman with the biggest chest.

 

And there's five people in my family.

And I know I'm not Chinese.

So it's either my mum, or my dad, or my younger brother Charlie, or my older brother Huang.

Personally, I think it's Charlie.

4
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by Susaga to c/[email protected]
 

Nothing, she just kinda choked a bit

 

At the front desk, the three are informed that there is only one room left, and the room only has one bed. The guys are comfortable enough with each other that they decide to just share the bed between them.

The next morning, the guy on the left side of the bed wakes up and says to his friends "guys? This is kind of awkward, but I had a sex dream last night. A super hot girl was giving me a handjob on the slopes."

The guy on the right side of the bed then yells "No way! I had a dream that I was getting a handie in the hot tub!"

The guy in the middle just pouts. "It's no fair. You both got super fun, kinky dreams, and I just dreamt I was skiing."

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