Have you shared the way you feel with your husband?
You also mention meds that left you with permanent issues. Would you be comfortable sharing which med it was?
Just ADHD is difficult enough, Adding in complex issues of the mind just feels unfair. I have some experience with intrusive thoughts too, and it stayed with me for a long time. I hope you find some measure of peace from all this.
Do you think it would help if you had an accountability partner?