This was a joke invented by r/anarchychess. I'd be amazed if it were real.
this post was submitted on 26 Sep 2023
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I remember when I first heard the rumours and I immediately thought of how sensitive one's anal linings would be to perceive Morse code via a butt plug. Then pondered upon the max possible bandwidth of buttplug-mediated information transfer. Finally, I thought about how to send back information via rythmic anal clenching.
Only then did I conclude that it's probably easier to get better at chess.
A YouTuber tested it and confirmed it's not that difficult to detect messages. They didn't use Morse code but rather a simplified set of signals for move notation
It's in the ankles, right? I guess even if it's a different part of the body than the inside of one's butt (a sensitive part of the body), makes it plausible that it's also possible for communication (perhaps one-way—towards the plug wearer).
I'm assuming the accomplice would then be watching through some camera feed, right? That makes it at least plausible since there's no need for kegels (to send information the other way).
If it's the same video I saw, it was the ankle guy. And yeah, when it comes to historical cases of chess cheating (almost always at a lower skill level) they'll either use some form of chess computer that they sneak away to use, or have an accomplice and a one way method of communication.
Another thing to keep in mind is that often times players at this level don't need to cheat every move, they just need to be given the correct move at an important moment and they'll be good enough to understand why they are being told to do that.
Ah, yeah~ I actually wasn't really into chess, but I was intrigued about how it might actually work in practice. Like, perhaps a code taken from chess notation, and then optimized to keep messages to a minimum. Such messages are then composed of bursts of vibration, some longer and less intense, and some short but intense. This is where my mind went to bandwidth, lol! How fast can you alternate "dots" and "dashes" such that they would still remain distinct from one another, and not be perceived as just one long buzz session?
they’ll either use some form of chess computer that they sneak away to use, or have an accomplice and a one way method of communication.
It's the first case that I thought about when I first heard of this. Kinda like braille, but for butts. And then rather than use your fingers, you clench your butt. That way, one can operate a chess computer while seated in a tournament. At the end of it, I was like "that's some serious kegel action!"
An accomplice sending the necessary hints/information would be more plausible, I think. And now that I'm thinking about it, electrical impulses (through the skin, like in the small of the back, another sensitive area) might do the trick as well, perhaps going full braille action this time.)
But yeah, I just enjoyed overthinking about something like this. No offense meant to anyone. I'm just like "maybe it's stupid enough to work?"
I find that the overthinking can be fun, but the most common cheating method is to simply relay the position on the board that contains the piece to move.
For example, let's say that the best move would be to move a pawn on b4 (same column as White's left most bishop, in the 4th row) a signal would be transmitted of two short "signals", a long pause, and then four more short "signals". Thinking in Morse, this would be "../....".
This tells the cheater that the correct move is made by the piece in the second column, fourth row, and thats usually all a top level player will need. They can stop calculating any move that isn't from that piece, and there's usually one move that is clearly better from that pieces immediate moves. The difficult part is now finding which follow-up moves are the best and how to punish your opponent for not playing them (which they would have been doing anyways, just with many more possible start points)
This method has been used in the past with a device that will send a non-painful but noticeable electric shock to a player (usually on their thigh), and because these individuals got caught there are now methods in place at top level tournaments to try and prevent external cheating devices from entering the playing hall (ex/ they pat you down to try and feel something rigid on your leg).
Thats where the butt plug theory comes in; it could theoretically pass through a standard metal detector, a security guard isn't going to check your prostate for cheating devices, and it can still theoretically be used to communicate via 0s and 1s.
My analysis didn't really go deep (pun unintended) into the details of how the information might be encoded, but taking a cue from what you'd said, position can be encoded into six bits: 000;000 would be a1 (white king's rook starting position, right?) and h8 would be 111;111 b4 would then be 001;011. Perhaps we can save things into just three bits (there are just seven unique pieces in chess: pawn, rook, knight, white bishop, black bishop, queen, and king) if we just need to communicate which piece is to be moved. Maximally, the accomplice can communicate both the piece and the destination in nine bits, though following this discussion, it seems there's not much need for it, and it'd introduce complexities that would hamper comprehension (like having to distinguish between the three cases so far: position of the piece to be moved, the piece to be moved, or the piece to be moved and the location of the destination).
As for how to send information (as opposed to receiving), there's only one signal that would be needed, if the accomplice is watching a live feed of the match: "Help!" which would be a continuous anal clench, or something fanciful as clenching SOS to avoid any random anal clenching to be mistaken for a call for help.
Now, as for a cheating device inside a butt plug not triggering a metal detector, I don't know for certain, but I've got no reason to disbelieve you. If there's someone that manages to pull it off though (the entire thing, sneaking in a device up their butt and using it to cheat at live chess competitions), I'd love to hear about the details.
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Yeah, in terms of the other direction, the game would theoretically have an audience and livestream.
Yeah, that makes sense.
The thing is that the game was broadcast live. One-way communication was enough
We need an expert on this. You gotta go find the guy that designed that butt plug revolver with the clench activated trigger.
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Best joke about that I saw was a video of Hans playing someone and looking confident up until a blunder or something. Then he realizes what happened and puts his face in his hands and closes his eyes.
The comment on the YouTube video was: "when the computer gives up and then switches to pleasure mode"
I play chess and I have a... a friend who uses a vibrator
So ofc it's real, just not Hans
Yeah that's what I meant. It's not that it's not real, but the origin of the meme was Hans saying something to the effect of "I'll play Magnus naked to prove I'm not cheating" to which everyone responded that the anal beads technique would be how he did it. Of course the corollary of that is that there are numerous ways for him to cheat while fully clothed.
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Wasn't there a documentary about this with Danny Devito?
I read the title as "dies" instead of "denies".
Should have gone with the WifiVibe Bullet, rather than the Hitachi XXXL AssBlaster Deluxe (with memory foam balls).
For those who haven't seen it- even if you don't have a background in data science or chess, this report is extremely damning. He's an unapologetic, manipulative, pernicious cheater.
That's 72 pages. Are there any highlights for interested non chess fanatics?
BBC article summarizing some of the suspicions and evidence or lack thereof.
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I'm not convinced by that report. Their cheating detection method is inconclusive and if Hans had the ability to perform the "best" move in every circumstance due to cheating but didn't, that to me points to it being less likely. There are a lot of statistics in that report that seem extremely circumstantial like the "plateaus" in strength rating. If he was really cheating in the tournaments, I think there would be a whole lot more evidence.
This is "a whole lot of evidence". If he had, for example, a 10% chance to show up suspicious in any one of those charts that's one thing. But to be highlighted as the most suspicious in each is extraordinary evidence. How do you explain a greater than 10% drop in skill when a 15 minute TV delay was put in place? Or his ability to make incredibly complex, perfect moves in seconds? Or his continual, nearly unstoppable strength rating growth, you know, except for the two natural plateaus in rating where most players never continue to grow firmly in the middle of his growth curve?
If that report doesn't convince you, I doubt anything will.
If he always did what the engine tells him to do then the evidence would be overwhelming, yes. Hans is surely aware of this and avoids doing so because he wants to get away with it.
Uhhhmmm, I don’t want to be intrusive, but how exactly does one use small beads to cheat at chess? I’m trying to figure this out, …but I keep losing anyway.
Mike Boyd did a video on this a while back and was able to successfully beat a pro chess player using a vibrator on his ankle:
Imagine Nieman's surprise once he discovered you were only supposed to put it on your ankle
Yeah. The whole comment section seems like it's super obvious... but seriously... how does one cheat with anal vibrators?
It's important to remember that he is certainly still very good at chess, even if he cheated in some games. He wouldn't need to have every move given to him, it might even be enough to give him a single signal that there is a non-obvious great move in a current position. Even just knowing that would probably be enough for him to find it by himself.
That's a good point. You wouldn't need to send an entire move. If you simply sent a message indicating which piece is the best to move, the player probably can find the place to move that piece.
Didn’t you see the always sunny episode?
Morse code
Still the greatest story I've ever read. I'll tell my grandchildren about this one day, and that's when they will put me in a home.
Morgan continued: "To be clear, on the specific allegation - have you ever used anal beads while playing chess?"
The 20-year-old replied: "Well, your curiosity is a bit concerning, you know - maybe you're personally interested, but I can tell you, no.
I don't know about you but when I appear in a very serious interview and talk about the multimillion dollar damage an unfounded allegations has done to my career, I really want to make sure that I include some weird kink shaming right there in my defense. That will surely make me seem like a serious person that sponsors can trust.
I think it was rather commenting on the interviewer's inappropriate intrusiveness into an intimate topic rather than kinkshaming. Understandable that Niemann got defensive there, IMO.
It's literally the allegation.
How do you interview without asking about the allegation?
It's the meme allegation, the real allegation is just cheating without any butt stuff.
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Well seeing as chess.com has reinstated his account. We have no reason to not believe him
"Release the butt plug cut!"
The fact that's a thing is hilarious.
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