This community is first and foremost a feminist community for men and masc people, but it is also a place to talk about men’s issues with a particular focus on intersectionality.
Everybody is welcome, but this is primarily a space for men and masc people
Non-masculine perspectives are incredibly important in making sure that the lived experiences of others are present in discussions on masculinity, but please remember that this is a space to discuss issues pertaining to men and masc individuals. Be kind, open-minded, and take care that you aren't talking over men expressing their own lived experiences.
Be productive
Be proactive in forming a productive discussion. Constructive criticism of our community is fine, but if you mainly criticize feminism or other people's efforts to solve gender issues, your post/comment will be removed.
Keep the following guidelines in mind when posting:
Assume good faith
Do not call other submitters' personal experiences into question.
No bigotry
Slurs, hate speech, and negative stereotyping towards marginalized groups will not be tolerated.
No brigading
Do not participate if you have been linked to this discussion from elsewhere. Similarly, links to elsewhere on the threadiverse must promote constructive discussion of men’s issues.
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
I think it's mostly that people assume men are bad caretakers and can't handle a child. It's partly that they are impressed by the fact that you're not totally inept, but also that they need to do their part to make sure that dad doesn't screw up with the child.
The "men are inept in the home" narrative is pervasive throughout all media, even things as inane as product commercials on TV.
Anecdotally, the majority of fathers really are inept. I can't believe the amount of guys who play into the stereotype. Pride in not ever having changed a diaper, complaining about having to babysit their own kids, generally buffoonery when trying to get me to relate to their shit takes on fatherhood. Even some of my friends aren't truly thinking about their role as both parent and partner.
That said, when I'm out "alone" with one or both of my children and this scenario plays out, it really gets to me. I may not know or remember everything at all times when it comes to good parenting but I sure as fuck know that if I put socks on my son when he was a baby he'd flip a fucking table. The boy doesn't want socks, ma'am. And dont take my picture.
It only gets to me for a short time because I feel like I'm receiving what my partner gets every damn day about everything else. Getting talked down to based on perceived gender biases
You are not wrong about commercials. I was really pleased to see the silly “invasive weeds” commercial with the dad and two daughters.
I've only gotten a few unsolicited comments from women about my kids. They were kind. I only got one patronizing comment, and I think that lady meant well.
The one thing I really noticed with small kids was how women stare at babies and toddlers. Not all women. Not so much that it's creepy. But a lot.
Is it weird? I thought it was like staring at someone's dog. It's cute and it's out of the ordinary.
It's weird in the sense that I haven't been stared at before (even indirectly, like this).
But maybe I'm the weird one. 🤷
I don't know. I'll stop staring at babies so much though. Thinking about it, it is a little weird to stare because if it were a dog you could play it off as gauging the dog's behavior, to see if it was nice and you could ask to pet the dog, whereas you would never scope out a stranger's baby to see if you could hold it.
As a father myself, I regularly take my 3 year old boy and 4 month old baby to the park, alone. My boy play in the park and I carry my baby in a scarf strapped on me while I do push-ups and pull-ups because there is nothing else to do. I'm the weirdest dude in the park.
Hey, it's free weight that'll keep increasing with time, making you stronger in the long term!
It's the only way to keep ahead of them. When he's a grandfather, he going to be stacked!