The original post: /r/ohnoconsequences by /u/J_S_M_K on 2025-05-27 14:08:25.
The original was posted on both Am I the Butthole and relationship advice. It is virtually the same post, so I choose the relationship advice one.
I am not the OOP
Original
Disclaimer: we already did the test and he is the father. To no one's surprise
My husband is 32 and I am 27. We got married 2 years ago and have been together for 6 One year ago I fell pregnant and we had our daughter a few months ago.
However he has been very weird during these months. To note is that I am mixed. My dad is a white Spanish man My mom is a dark skinned Latina. I am more light skinned. However many of my family members are really dark. So our daughter was born, and she is somewhat darker than me and inherited our long black hair and sharp characteristics. She looks very much like my mom.
My husband has not been very kosher with this. He kept making jokes about infidelity and I told him to stop.
Then shit hit the fan when I was on a zoom call a month ago.
I have a coworker who is middle eastern. He is the only other person of color in out department. He and I have almost no overlap, we don't work on project together, we don't talk personally. The only links we have is the department group chat and one message between us two almost 2 years ago which concerned a client.
But my husband saw him on the zoom call. He saw how my coworker laughed at one of my jokes (he wasn't the only one) and he immediately accused me of cheating with him.
I was honestly floored. He demanded to see my phone. And he demanded a paternity test. We got in a huge fight and he left. I tried calling, his friend answered. He said that my husband would only be willing to talk, once I have put in the work to build up the trust and do a paternity test. He would only be awalayble for question regarding the test.
I was honestly so mad and was done. I wanted nothing to do within any more. Honestly at this point I did the test mainly so he couldn't dispute paternity because once again... I fucking knew he was the father.
The results came in and my husband is the father. The same day I told him I wanted to separate. He started crying and begging, apologized for how he went about it.
I told him I needed time. He said he would set up a session with a counselor. I told him okay.
Now I'm sitting here. I honestly don't think I can find it in my heart to forgive him. It's one thing to ask for a test...it's another thing for him to treat me like lying scum.
Fuck you Steffen.
update
UPDATE: Is it possible to get over the resentment my husband caused by pushing for a paternity test
To recap :
My husband is white. I am mixed idigeno-Latina/ Spanish. Our daughter came out darker than me and looked like my mom. Husband started treating us badly and joking about infidelity. He saw my middle eastern coworker on a meeting zoom call that had multiple other people in it. Coworker and others laughed at a joke i told. Husband jumped on it and said I was cheating. He left and refused any communication till the results came back. To no one's surprise my daughter is his. I tell him I want to separate. He cries begging to give counseling a shot.
The update
I did end up going to several sessions with my ex. But honestly his actions killed the love I had for him.
Especially because he was kind of sorry but kept making excuses. Saying bs that made my alarm bells sound. And .... who would have thought. I found several forums he was active on that were sexist, racist and homophbic.
He had posted about our situation in a forum that was very incely. He referred to me in derogatory terms. People were telling him that I had "roastbeef"(?)and he was just stability but I was looking for Chad cock.
This made me sick to my stomach. I took screenshots and printed all the things out. I got screengrabs as well.
I called our counselor and told them we were done. Thanks for the service, but I am gonna get a divorce.
I met up with him. He was staying at his friend's place and I was at home. I got the information trough his gaming pc.
When we met up at his parents house, I basically threw the folder to his feet and told him I was fucking done.
Queue crying and begging. I told him no and that he makes me sick. He told me he was weak. And I said that that was true. He didn't want to let go and my MIL had to intervene. Honest to God, that woman never took too much of a liking to me, but she really did shine threw.
She screamed at him and when she saw the folder she told him that this was not the behavior of a strong father. She told him he was nothing but a coward.
My ex stood up and just...screamed. he didn't say anything. Just a horror movie scream. He punched a dry wall and broke a hole into it and left.
My MIL was consoling ME. She told me she was sorry and even tho she personally does not like me, she respects me and appreciates everything I have done.
We hashed out a plan. I want my daughter to have her father in her life. But with him being basically a biggot, we decided that I would go for full custody and would allow visitations if my MIL was present and only at her house.
Right now we are dealing with the divorce process, that he is contesting. What he is not contesting is custody. He seemingly does not want it and has been almost not involved at all with our daughter.
He has texted me that if I don't take him back he would not want custody.
My MIL has been an angel. She has been helping put when my family can't and had actually helped with the legal proceedings by telling her son to not be an ass and giving testimonials. My ex had refused to pay any CS. But MIL had actually taken that over.
It is really difficult. I don't have much if a social life. And I am sleep deprived. But at least I am happier than in my marriage