this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2023
320 points (99.1% liked)

internet funeral

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

It was a sticky autumn night, late August. The cicadas rang through the air like a symphony of persistent tinnitus.

Leftover cornbread sat on the stove, still in the cast iron. Jennifer loved that pan, it had been her grandmother’s before hers and grandmother’s grandmother’s before that.

We’d given lil Dale their dropsy medication and put the kids to bed. HeeHaw was on the television, keeping us entertained, while we each settled into a stiff pull of corn liquor.

Lulu and Grandpa Jones, with his banjo, had just kicked off on “Where Oh Where Are You Tonight” when it happened…

A sound pierced the homestead.

It shattered our peace and sent us both scrambling to our feet.

A sound so terrifying, so powerful it can only be described one way: MANLY.

It was a sound of Men. It was the sound of HARD HAT.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I have a murder sword and I’m not afraid to use it

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

I've already ruined one man's head this week, and I won't hesitate to do it again!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I'm just going to find the girly moaning sounds and play them on loop when you're on the phone with your parents.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I have heard men making a bunch of sounds and I am sure none of them are on this. 😏

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

That's where you are mistaken friend. This album contains every sound a man will make!

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

I want this spotify playlist

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Only $4.99!