Tom Delonge(i think is the name from blink 182) must be super excited
this post was submitted on 13 Apr 2025
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Not The Onion
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"A tabloid says the CIA says the KGB saw aliens turn people to stone. Also this is a news article on something that was declassified 25 years ago with no new developments."
okay
idk ground.news says it's very unbiased, so I think I've gotta believe it.
Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
One of my seven grandpas said you should believe me because I'm a real swell dude
Ha! Three and a half parents! I knews aliens were real!
gay polycules were a thing in the 60s
Those stone soldiers should have made a world tour 25 years ago when they were declassified.
*stoned
It would have been classier to have turned them into terracotta.
Blasted Medusaians! They took the phrase rock hard the wrong way. So touchy about being shot down.
Why is it that anytime there is anything big, politically or otherwise, happening in the US there is magically talk of UFOs and aliens. Oh, I think I just answered my own question..
Flood the zone with shit.
what big thing happened today we should be paying attention to instead?
Literally any and every other thing that’s actually going in the world.
i'm already seeing all the other shit. i'm aware shit is fucked.
Trump basically told the Supreme Court they could go fuck themselves. That seems big.
It's big, but is it news? Can he hold a coherent thought for more than six seconds? Tariffs on, tariffs off, tariffs paused, tariffs resumed, 25%, 10%, 45%, 124%, 0%, aaaand repeat.
This story has been around for a bit. Probably a bit of absurd misinfo the intelligence agencies circulated to fuck with each other.
How is this “not the Onion”? This isn’t the kind of stuff The Onion prints.
I would consider The Onion several levels above a generic tabloid. Not even in the same class. Like, The Onion actually has class.
If you don't accept all cookies you get a login page or blurred content and a paid subscription offer. Fuck that.
Make what you want of it. Strange detail at the top: "Document 199 of 54" - wut?
Transcript of the interesting bit - Note that the text is JUST a reprint of the article, not the CIA confirming anything:
Country: Russia International Subject: Paper reports alleged evidence on mishap involving ufo Source: Kiev Holos Ukrayiny in Ukrainian 27 Mar 93 P 5
Reprint from the newspaper Ternopil Vechirniy: "Cosmic Revenge"
After Mikhail Gorbachev dissolved, in 1991, the KGB top secret intelligence administration, a lot of material from that department found their way abroad, in particular to the CIA. As reported by the authoritative magazine Canadian Weekly World News, U.S. intelligence obtained a 250-page file on the attack by a UFO on a military unit in Siberia. The file contains not only many documentary photographs and drawings, but also testimonies by actual participants in the events. One of the CIA representatives referred to this case as "a horrific picture of revenge on the part of extraterrestrial creatures, a picture that makes one's blood freeze."
According to the KGB materials, a quite low-flying spaceship in the shape of a saucer appeared above a military unit that was conducting routine training maneuvers. For unknown reasons, somebody unexpectedly launched a surface-to-air missile and hit the UFO. It fell to earth not far away, and five short humanoids with "large heads and large black eyes" emerged from it.
It is stated in the testimonies by the two soldiers who remained alive that, after freeing themselves from the debris, the aliens came close together and then "merged into a single object that acquired a spherical shape." That object began to buzz and hiss sharply, and then became brilliant white. In a few seconds, the spheres grew much bigger and exploded by flaring up with an extremely bright light. At that very instant, 23 soldiers who had watched the phenomenon turned into stone poles. Only two soldiers who stood in the shade and were less exposed to the luminous explosion survived.
The KGB report goes on to say that the remains of the UFO and the "petrified soldiers" were transferred to a secret scientific research institution near Moscow. Specialists assume that a source of energy that is still unknown to earthlings instantly changed the structure of the soldiers' living organisms, having transformed it into a substance whose molecular composition is no different from that of limestone.
A CIA representative stated: "If the KGB file corresponds to reality, this is an extremely menacing case. The aliens possess such weapons and technology that go beyond all our assumptions. They can stand up for themselves if attacked.
Uh, Canadian Weekly World News was like the Inquirer. Edit: maybe I'm remembering the name "The Inquirer" wrong, but in any case it was tabloid schlock
This is a made up story from the 90s.
It's even shittier than the Enquirer, and that takes some effort. Evvery story is on the level of "I Saw Bigfoot Blow My Grandpa," or "3-Headed Chihuaha Elected Mayor."
That's nice dear. This is the CIA website archive of a previously classified document.
This is the CIA confirming the reporting of said tabloid.
If you mean "confirmed" in that it shows that the CIA knew this article had been written and kept a copy, then yes.
Or if you mean they are confirming the contents of the article, well yeah, I guess they are confirming that this russian(?) newspaper wrote about an article some tabloid rag wrote, then yeah, I guess that's true, too.
But if you're saying they're confirming the contents of whatever the Canadian world weekly news might have written, then no, not by any means is this file a confirmation of that.
CWWN made up a story that involved soviets; Ternopil Vechirniy picked it up and wrote their own piece on it; the CIA kept a copy. That's it.
As reported by the authoritative magazine Canadian Weekly World News, U.S. intelligence obtained a 250-page file on the attack by a UFO on a military unit in Siberia.
That reads to me like the author is confirming what was reported by the magazine. It then goes on to document the contents of the file, not what was reported in the article.
Having said that, I seriously doubt the veracity of the KGB documents. I'd put money on this being some kind of cold war psyop hangover, rather than something that actually happened.
Look above that. It says the full text is a reprint from a Soviet newspaper. The line you're quoting as being confirmation comes from a Russian/Ukrainian newspaper, not the CIA. The hint is the "authoritative" in the description of "Canadian weekly world news".
SUBJ*SUBJ: PAPER REPORTS ALLEGED EVIDENCE ON MISHAP INVOLVING UFO
TEXT TEXT: // ((REPRINT FROM THE NEWSPAPER TERNOPIL VECHIRNIY: "COSMIC REVENGE" -- FIRST PARAGRAPH PUBLISHED IN BOLDFACE)) ((TEXT ) AFTER MIKHAIL GORBACHEV DISSOlVED, IN 1991, THE KGB TOP SECRET INTELLIGENCE ADMINISTRATION, A lOT OF MATERIAL FROM THAT DEPARTMENT FOUND THEIR WAY ABROAD,' IN PARTICULAR TO THE CIA. AS REPORTED BY THE AUTHORITATIVE MAGAZINE CANADIAN WEEKLY WORLD NEWS, *U.S. INTELLIGENCE OBTAINED A 250-PAGE FILE ON THE ATTACK BY A UFO ON A MILITARY UNIT IN SIBERIA, THE FILE CONTAINS...
Shit, you're right! I totally missed that!
I find documents in ALL CAPS like that extremely hard to parse, which is why I case corrected the main text. Should have done the rest of it too apparently!
eta: Updated the transcript to hopefully make that clearer
Based on how this has gone somewhat viral, it seems like a lot of people are having trouble with it.
I skipped over it at first too, but was suspicious of the language and when I saw CWWN described as "authoritative" I stopped reading and started trying to figure out where it was coming from lol.
199 of 54
Secret rare!