Giving, hate receiving. Have trauma issues around receiving gifts and having strings attached, I can never feel like a gift is just a gift.
this post was submitted on 09 Apr 2025
25 points (93.1% liked)
Casual Conversation
3114 readers
498 users here now
Share a story, ask a question, or start a conversation about (almost) anything you desire. Maybe you'll make some friends in the process.
RULES (updated 01/22/25)
- Be respectful: no harassment, hate speech, bigotry, and/or trolling. To be concise, disrespect is defined by escalation.
- Encourage conversation in your OP. This means including heavily implicative subject matter when you can and also engaging in your thread when possible. You won't be punished for trying.
- Avoid controversial topics (politics or societal debates come to mind, though we are not saying not to talk about anything that resembles these). There's a guide in the protocol book offered as a mod model that can be used for that; it's vague until you realize it was made for things like the rule in question. At least four purple answers must apply to a "controversial" message for it to be allowed.
- Keep it clean and SFW: No illegal content or anything gross and inappropriate. A rule of thumb is if a recording of a conversation put on another platform would get someone a COPPA violation response, that exact exchange should be avoided when possible.
- No solicitation such as ads, promotional content, spam, surveys etc. The chart redirected to above applies to spam material as well, which is one of the reasons its wording is vague, as it applies to a few things. Again, a "spammy" message must be applicable to four purple answers before it's allowed.
- Respect privacy as well as truth: Don’t ask for or share any personal information or slander anyone. A rule of thumb is if something is enough info to go by that it "would be a copyright violation if the info was art" as another group put it, or that it alone can be used to narrow someone down to 150 physical humans (Dunbar's Number) or less, it's considered an excess breach of privacy. Slander is defined by intentional utilitarian misguidance at the expense (positive or negative) of a sentient entity. This often links back to or mixes with rule one, which implies, for example, that even something that is true can still amount to what slander is trying to achieve, and that will be looked down upon.
Casual conversation communities:
Related discussion-focused communities
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
I get that, some people think they have to be paid in some way if they give a gift
I used to be like that when I was little. Every had strings attached in that house.
Later in life, I was like present and gifts ARE NO STRINGS ATTACHED. If someone does that they are doing it wrong. And if someone if giving a gift with hidden strings attached, that's not my problem, "you gave me this a gift, not as an exchange", they can stop gifting me stuff if they don't like that haha.
And if you want an exchange, its fine, be clear and we can negociate.
Neither. I don’t want more crap and if there is something I want I’ll have already purchased it.
I don’t like giving gifts because I hate trying to figure out what someone likes only to be disappointed that I suck at shopping.
I like giving! I'm lucky to be financially OK, so any small stuff I want I can just buy. I love to plan a gift for someone, think of options then buy it for them. I like to do personalised gifts for people and make them really nice.
Giving any day. I don't get along with anybody nerdy enough to give me cool stuff and I frankly never know what to do with all the cute, self made stuff they've put all their heart and soul into getting or making for me.
Like, yeah, bud, it's a really nice sticker magnet with an unforgettable image of that one time we did something amazing together, but... well, I just don't have that many magentic surfaces in the house and I kinda like the clean aesthetic in the kitchen, you know?
I do have enough friends with kids that I can just make them happy with random crap you can find in a toy store or a videogame, and that's cute.
Yep I'd rather get a lovingly crafted reel with music or something... I can watch it when I want rather than try to find a place it fits.
I hate stuff. I hate receiving because too much stuff gives me anxiety. That anxiety over stuff makes giving just as difficult.
I prefer spending my time with people. Either by being there for them or helping them. While I generally don't like receiving help unless I specifically ask, I'll allow those with good intentions to help. I can put aside any feelings of annoyances because I know they will feel good being able to help do something for someone else.
My closest relationships have been built on simply being available for each other. Gifts have never had the same outcome from my experiences.
Both, but only with my closest friends. And by that I mean people who know me (and I know them) well enough that we know what to gift without wishlists and stuff.
I agree with you here. Most gifts I get just get given away, it's only my bff that gets me what I genuinely like
When I had lots of money I preferred giving, partially because it made me feel good, but partially because often gifts I received were just not very well thought-out. ("I noticed you have a lot of RPGs, so I got you this new D&D module." Never mind that the one RPG I don't have is D&D in any flavour... That sort of thing.)
When I have less money (like now) ... I still prefer giving, but only marginally.
Receiving since I'm bad at gift giving.
Giving.
Receiving LOL It rarely happens so...
I like giving tho, people usually like my presents
Definitely giving. I like making my people happy.
When I get a gift, there's always the knowledge that they want to make me happy, which kicks in my lingering urge to let them know I'm happy, which then makes me feel performative, even though I'm being genuine most of the time. That makes it difficult to actually be in the moment, which makes my expressions less genuine, which creates this feedback loop where I feel increasingly fake even though I'm actually really happy.
Seriously, as chaotic as that paragraph is, it feels more chaotic. I got over being a people pleaser a long time ago, except for people I care about. Like, if I'm at work and get a box of chocolates, ima say thank you, with a smile, and not care if whoever it was felt it to be genuine.
But when I care, then I want them to share that happiness loop with me. I want them to have that urge for the gift to make me happy succeed because they did make me happy, even if the gift itself was utter shit. It feels so good that someone cared enough to get me anything that they weren't obligated to (which is why work gifts are different usually). But I'm picking up all that eagerness they have for the gift to be a good gift that brings joy, and I want to fulfill that. That wanting, that attachment to their happiness is a difficult to resolve paradox for me.
If I don't feel attached to their happiness, it would be easier to just live in the moment and share my happiness. But that very attachment is part of why I'm happy, because their happiness is vital to my own.
I'm fairly confident that this paradox will never be resolved at this point. Fifty years, and I've yet to manage separating things out so that I can just enjoy the moment exactly as it is when gifts are given to me. Kinda dubious it'll resolve in the future lol.
Then again, I did resolve the other end of things, where I don't feel any dissonance if my gift to another doesn't work out. So maybe?
But, I think you can see why that dichotomy of preference exists.
Giving. It's not that I particular like doing so, since I don't have too many ppl I could give stuff to... It's more that I really don't desire any gifts. Up until this point in life I basically had to move every 1-2 years. Receiving something I don't like/want means that I'll have to throw or donate it away so... And the things I actually want are all several hundred dollars and above, since I have gotten basically everything I want that is below that price point
Wish I could have neither.
100%.
Giving comes with the pressure of getting them something special that they will like.
Receiving requires outwardly showing sufficient gratitude that they know they got you a good gift, it's like being put on the spot.
I honestly prefer watching other people give each other gifts that they like.
Best: receiving gifts that I actually want.
2nd: giving gifts that are wanted
Suck equally: receiving or giving gifts that are unwanted