The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/EmbarrassedTea8102 on 2025-04-08 17:57:48.
Before I get into it, here’s some background. I’m 25F. My half-brother (26M) and adopted sister (26F) and I were all adopted into the same family as kids. Unfortunately, due to abuse, the adoption failed for me and my sister when we were in our early teens, and we had to go back into foster care. Sadly, we had to leave my brother behind, and I didn’t hear from him for several years—until maybe five years ago.
The “family” I’ll refer to in this post is my adopted sister’s biological family, who unofficially took both of us in after we aged out of the system. They’ve been my chosen family ever since.
My brother has always held a special place in my heart. You can’t really know me without knowing about him. He’s autistic and functions more like a 15-year-old mentally. He’s incredibly social and finds joy in communities like the furry community. He often wears cat ears and a tail in public. It makes him feel good and confident, and he doesn’t mind the stares or comments. I used to try convincing him to take them off, but eventually realized—why should he? If it makes him happy, then that’s what matters. Anyone who has a problem with it can take a hike, honestly.
Recently, I’ve been trying to bring him into my family’s life. He lives about two hours away and doesn’t really have anyone else besides me and our sister. I assumed, given our shared background, that my family would be open to welcoming him. And at first, it seemed that way. He came to Thanksgiving and Christmas last year, and he had the best time. He was chatting with everyone, playing with his young nephews, and afterward told me he felt “on top of the world.” I was so happy for him.
But then, a few weeks ago, I had dinner with my sister and our mom. His name came up, and my mom casually referred to his “cat kink.” I felt sick. She’s 75 and I honestly don’t know where that idea even came from. Then my sister chimed in, saying he made her kids uncomfortable and she didn’t want him around them. Her kids are all 5 and under, and I distinctly remember them having a great time with him. I was shocked and heartbroken.
I tried to explain to them that they were completely misunderstanding him—that it wasn’t a kink, just a part of how he expresses himself and finds confidence. But they wouldn't budge. They gave me an ultimatum: either he stops wearing the ears and tail at gatherings, or he’s not welcome anymore.
I told them that was prejudice, plain and simple, and I wouldn’t just go along with it. They turned it around and accused me of being “prejudiced against the whole family,” which makes no sense to me.
What hurts the most is that my sister grew up with him. She knows how differently he’s wired. But growing up, she was the golden child while he was the scapegoat, and she took a lot of opportunities to bully and belittle him. I can’t help but think maybe she’s projecting some guilt or discomfort from the past—but who really knows?
Now I just don’t even want to go to family gatherings anymore. This whole situation broke my heart—and his. I can’t look at them the same way now.
So, Reddit… am I the asshole for stepping away from these gatherings?
EDIT: i want to add, my brother WILL NOT take the tail and ears off. He is very insistent on wearing them EVERYWHERE he goes. I have tried many times in vain lol. Also, i was VERY clear about his clothing of choice before i brought him to the gathering. I also forgot to add that these people knew of me and my brother as well as my sister when we were growing up, so my brother isn't exactly a "stranger", just someone they haven't been in close contact with untill recently. We attended many of the same family gatherings together as kids though.