So I (28 F) and my husband (33M) are expecting our first baby. With that I'm the first on my side of the family, so 1st grandkid and first great-grandchild, which is kinda special.
Today my mom told me that, for my grandma's 85th birthday dinner, she wanted to look for a restaurant very close to my home (max 10 min. By car). My grandparents live over 1.5 hour away (I know its not far for most Americans, but where I live it is considered far away.)
Now here is the deal. I'm expected to deliver my baby a month before the date of the birthdaydinner. But I dont know for sure when I will deliver. Especially with a first, I see a lot of people going 'till 41+ weeks. And in that case I wouldn't even be a month postpartum.
I do not feel ready to go out at that time postpartum because I will still be adjusting to becoming a parent, my breastfeeding will still be very very frequent and maybe not going easy, and most importantly my baby will not be vaccinated yet and her immunesystem will not be on point yet.
I told my mom that it being close by is a very nice suggestion but also explained all the above and told her I don't think I'll be ready for that yet by the time the birthdaydinner will role around. I said that I hope that she'll understand and that the rest of the family will aswell and not be mad at me for setting that boundary (they have been notorious for complaining about stuff like having to drive a little further whilst normally I'd make the drive, f.e they haven't come to visit me yet, whilst I live in this house for 3 years, just because it's too far)
My mom thinks I'm being unreasonable because 'back in the day this was the norm' and 'she also did those things with me, and I turned out fine.'
So am I being unreasonable? Am I the A**hole?