I host a monthly pool party/bbq for the neighborhood families. I buy about $200 in steaks, hot dogs, and drinks, book the community party room, and send out invites and reminders. It's become a great way for the adults to connect and catch up, while the kids swim and play.
One of the neighborhood boys doesn't behave appropriately - ie: splashes kids in the face when they ask him not to, pushes kids into the pool, calls them names, growls at kids if they win a game, doesn't follow the rules of games, and such. It's unpleasant for the other kids, and he makes the younger ones cry. His mom yells and threatens to take him home, but she doesn't, so he continues misbehaving. I'm not well-informed on autism, however, my stance is that the parents are responsible for ensuring their kids behave appropriately or removing them. Instead, other parents have to get involved to yell at the kid to leave theirs alone or comfort their crying kid.
After the last party, two of the kids asked me not to invite that boy again because he ruined the day for them. I agree with them and believe that as part of my responsibility of hosting is to create a guest list of people who add positively to the event.
My husband disagrees because 1) he thinks I should first bring up the issue to the boy's parents and give him one more chance, 2) we can't actually "exclude" them since it's a community pool, and 3) he's just conflict-avoidant and doesn't want to ruin relations with neighbors.
What do you think, would I be the asshole?