The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Old-Audience3410 on 2025-04-06 06:54:59.
I live in France now, but I’m originally from Canada. My whole family is still there, so I only see them once or twice a year, usually for just a few weeks. I love them a lot and really look forward to these visits.
In a few months, they’re planning to come see me. The idea was to rent a car and travel around France for two weeks — my mom, dad, me, and my girlfriend. My parents know her well and like her, and it’s always been fine.
Enter my sister. I love her, but her boyfriend is obnoxious as hell. They’re very on-and-off, and he and I don’t get along. He doesn’t seem to care much for me either.
My sister tends to make plans last minute, and she asked to join our trip. Of course, we said yes — she’s family. We adjusted our stays to add a third room. The car fits five, right?
I started getting excited. I’ve been planning around work, making sacrifices to get time off, and really looking forward to connecting with my family. Then, on the phone with my mom, she drops the bomb: my sister’s boyfriend is coming too. My mom had said yes without talking to me.
This isn’t the first time. On a past trip to Canada, the exact same thing happened — same group, same boyfriend. My sister asked last minute, my mom booked them a hotel room, and I wasn’t consulted. I tried to be the bigger person and gave him a chance. But honestly, I was uncomfortable the whole time but I was polite, didn’t complain.
Now it’s happening again, and I feel blindsided. My mom knows I don’t feel comfortable traveling with him. I think it was wrong for her to say yes without asking me. I get that it seems like a double standard because I’m bringing my girlfriend — but this trip was meant to be about my family, and I’ve really been looking forward to it. My parents aren’t huge fans of him either, but they’re trying to be fair.
When I brought it up, my mom said she can’t say no to my sister — she doesn’t want to be in that position. So now it falls to me to talk to her.
Am I an asshole for telling my sister I don’t want her boyfriend to come? I know this isn't retrospective per usual — but I’m genuinely lost. I don’t want to hurt my sister or damage our relationship, but I also don’t think I can do two weeks with this guy, especially not while feeling like I have to tiptoe around just to keep the peace.