The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/n0t-reallyAThrowaway on 2025-04-06 06:23:42.
I (18 they/it) am non-binary, and pretty much everyone in my family knows, except for my dad and grandparents (on my dad’s side).
My dad is an entirely separate story, but the reason for me not coming out to my grandparents is that they are both declining in health, and by the time I’d realized my identity, we were all pretty sure they’d be dead before I reached adulthood. I didn’t want them to feel worried about accidentally misgendering me or deadnaming me (they wouldn’t do it on purpose so that’s not a concern) in their last years, so I’ve held off from telling them. However they’ve lasted much longer than we all initially expected, as morbid as it sounds, and I feel bad every time they come up in conversation for keeping them in the dark about this.
My aunt (dads side) and my older sister know about my reason for not telling them, and their reaction was basically the same once I told them the reason: “they wouldn’t be bothered by it, they love you and want you to be comfortable”.
My aunt’s and Older sister’s reaction has made me feel like I’m being not only a bit silly for worrying, but a bit mean for gatekeeping this information from them.
But on the other hand, I’d feel even meaner telling them NOW, because of how long I’ve been out to everyone else! I worry that I’d make grandpa feel like I didn’t trust him or was scared of him. And because I’ve waited so long my grandma’s memory has declined too, and I know memory loss can be hard, and I don’t want to add more stress to her life by adding another new thing to remember.
No matter how I go about this, I feel like an asshole, so what do you guys think?