The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/River-Lane-xx on 2025-04-03 20:17:20.
Edit to clarify title- we are looking at USED trucks. Said new as the truck would be new to us. Doesn’t change point of post much but wanted to be accurate.
Backstory - my husband and I got married last July but we've been together for a total of 7.5 years. We've always kept our finances separate but I've been wanting to merge accounts for a while to remove that feeling of "his and my" money and approach our finances as a team rather than two individuals. If it matters, he makes about $15-20k more a year than I do, but I have the most money in my savings account.
Long story short, his car has a lot of problems and he's been wanting a truck for a while. Logically, we really do need a truck to allow us to do more home renovations and be less reliant on family, but I'm not sure now is the right time.
I've asked him if we can set a goal to purchase a truck this summer so we can focus on saving up for a good down payment to lower our monthly payments and so we can remain secure with a "nest egg" in our bank account. I currently have $13k in my account - this includes both my savings and my checking account. He has anywhere from $5k-7k in his account typically. While I've kept my spending more frugal, he has, to be fair, spent more money on our home and daily needs as I work remote whereas he works in person so it's easier for him to grab last minute items throughout the week.
I want to make sure I am not making him look like he's being selfish, that's not the case, but I do think he is being immature. He asked me if we can go look at a $39k truck this weekend and is asking me to put $10k down. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not hoarding my money from him, but I grew up homeless, without basic needs, and I do not ever want to put myself into a position where I am struggling again. We are 100% not poor but I would feel very insecure dropping my account down by that much when I've been saving this money for YEARS. To add to the conflict, when I remind him we don't need the truck this minute and that we can use my car until say August/September, he says driving my car makes him feel like he's not a man.
I tried to tell him that there's nothing manlier than a man who puts his families financial interests before his wants, but he just clams up. He essentially told me that I obviously don't think of my bank account as ours and what I say is apparently the final say.
I've tried to have a mature conversation to weigh the pros and cons but he is legitimately pouting. I'm talking no eye contact, mono-syllable responses, and not engaging in the discussion. I don't want to have him feeling like his wants aren't valid, but how do I get him to see from my perspective? Or if necessary, how do I see from his when he won't give me anything more than "It's the only truck that meets our requirements within 500 sq miles, you have more money than I do, and your car is a chicks car"?
TLDR - my husband wants me to drop my bank account down to $3k so he can have a manly vehicle.