this post was submitted on 09 Mar 2025
415 points (97.7% liked)

Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 hours ago

It's another carbon monoxide poisoning poisoning

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 hours ago

Anon will need a plumber because he got up in a daze to use the bathroom.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 hours ago

It's under the bed.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 7 hours ago (7 children)

Do people actually do this?

[–] Imgonnatrythis 20 points 5 hours ago

People aren't buying all those butt plugs for decoration. People fall asleep. I don't imagine many people sleep with them on purpose, but certaintly possible to pass out with a butt plug in place.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 7 hours ago (4 children)

Maybe? This came from 4Chan so it's very possible it could be entirely made up lol

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 hour ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 hour ago

Attracted to the same gender

[–] Early_To_Risa 10 points 4 hours ago

4chan makes me believe it more in this case

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 hours ago

"The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact."

Literally on 4chan as a header.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 hours ago

Anything on 4chan I assume isn't real, but pretend it is. More fun that way.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 7 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 hour ago

It's not out of the realm of possibility

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[–] [email protected] 56 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Buttplug fairy takes the buttplug and leaves you with a shart.

Know your local mythology.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago)

Shart Fariy 🧚💩

[–] [email protected] 126 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

I like how he clarifies that he lives alone.

"Sure, one of my roommates could have come in and poked around in my butthole while I was sleeping. But no one was in a position to do such a thing."

[–] unconsciousvoidling 8 points 6 hours ago (1 children)

Hey I had a roommate that would steal my inserted butt plugs while I was sleeping.

[–] Imgonnatrythis 2 points 5 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 5 hours ago

Subscribe to my only fans to find out more.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Occam's razor and all that

[–] [email protected] 15 points 8 hours ago

Occam's buttplug

[–] [email protected] 178 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

It's a riddle. It was made of ice.

[–] [email protected] 51 points 11 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 35 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

... some stay dry, others feel the pain.

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[–] RVGamer06 151 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Anon needs to go to a hospital soon

[–] [email protected] 107 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

but sadly, Anon is American

[–] DannyBoy 71 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

The worst condition of them all.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 9 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 8 hours ago (1 children)
[–] festnt 7 points 6 hours ago

for OOP, yes

[–] [email protected] 93 points 12 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 9 hours ago

Maybe just a homeless guy

[–] [email protected] 57 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (1 children)

Did it have a flared end?

If yes:

It's in the toilet, he sleep walked and took a shit and doesn't remember.

or

He pooped it out while sleeping and his dog ate it.

If no:

Butt plug goblins.

They can be warded away with a metamucil potion.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 hour ago

Way worse than your dog eating your homework

[–] [email protected] 52 points 12 hours ago (5 children)

Mmmm, that's some fresh greentext too!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Ambiguous. Could be September 3rd.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

And from the future apparently

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 hours ago

True, I didn't notice the year. :)

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 hours ago

Yeah it doesn't have the remnants of being compressed to .jpg over 1000 times over. Just doesn't have the same feeling with it though.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 12 hours ago

So fresh it's still green

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 9 hours ago
[–] [email protected] 27 points 12 hours ago

i rate this greentext fake on scale of 1 to gay

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