this post was submitted on 08 Mar 2025
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ADHD

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How to outsource life planning? (lemmy.ml)
submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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I'm completely inept at organizing changes in my life, which means I waste a many weeks being 'stuck' when I could be out living/working somewhere interesting/etc. I was watching Top Gear the other day and I realized that what I really need is to have 'producers' like they do on the show who take care of the logistics of things so that the protagonist can just sail through. I realize that this doesn't come for free so I would be willing to join a group where one such plan is made for the whole group, or switch to a job where having someone plan your life (at least the working part) is a requirement of the job. In other words, I am willing to trade some of my sovereignty/independence for this. Any recommendations? (Just for context, I am not in the US and I'm not old.)

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Totally understand the desire. I defintely do better when I'm in a situation where I can just deal with stuff in front of me, and someone else takes care of the long term stuff and keeps me accountable. Not sure about jobs, the army comes to mind but has some major downsides. But there's other similar gigs like the merchant navy and offshore workers, where you're living and working in a structured environment and then get a long breaks to chill out.

What worked for me was getting a partner who is organised and creates structure. Sometimes I think I miss my freedom and wish I was back being a bachelor... But then I have a few days in the house alone, getting nothing done as the mess builds up around me and not even playing games or anything fun, just failing to live... Then I remember why I traded my independence.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Haha, good point, a partner can fill the hole too and doesn't limit you to a specific job. This actually worked really well for me when I was trying to start a business with my friend and he took care of the organisational/searching activities while I could focus on the technical side. I've considered joining the army and I might actually give it a go a bit later on in life.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 week ago (3 children)

This reads very much like the only reason you have a partner is because they clean up after you. Or like the only thing keeping you from leaving them is the fact that they are a maid.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Hah ! No, quite the opposite. I do almost all the cooking and cleaning, because I like making my partner happy. But I can't find the motivation to do it for myself. When I was single, I would invite friends over for food as often as I could, because I love cooking, and I'd make exciting and challenging things that we'd all enjoy. But if it's just me I spend a few hours being indicisive and then just eat so much toast I feel sick and feel sad.

The structure my partner provides is someone who expects meals to be at meal times, and will judge me if I just start eating a family sized pack of snacks at 3pm because I'm peckish. Or will be disappointed if I promise to do something then just scroll my phone instead. At the time it annoys me not being free to indulge myself, but when I actually get the chance I realise how little I enjoy it. It's been really helpful to realise that just because I hate structure and rules and people's expectations... I hate the goblin I become without them much more.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I don't think they even mentioned cleaning in the comment. They mentioned "long-term stuff," "organization," and "creating structure," which I would think of as scheduling, shopping/task lists, birthdays/anniversaries, confirming appointments, checking in to make sure tasks are done, reminders, etc.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Thanks! It's defintely more stuff like long term stuff, helping me schedule stuff or make appointments, reminding me to stop avoiding opening my mail, etc. And there's lots of stuff I help then with, their blindspots and weaknesses.

That's what I think makes a good relationship - being with someone with complementary skills, who you trust, who wants the best for you, and who it's a pleasure to help not just because you love them, but because what they find impossible is easy for you (and vice versa).

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

Exactly. I've been with my wife for nearly 9 years in a partnership where we both try to leverage our strengths, and we have a similar setup, so I wanted to go to bat for the both of us, so to speak.

I'm sick and tired of people assuming I don't carry my weight just because I need reminders about certain things and help with appointments. Let's be real and admit that ADHD is a disability that prevents you from doing (some) stuff.

I don't just "let her clean up after me" and neither do you, it's annoying to me that you specifically didn't mention cleaning and they got on their high horse anyway.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago

I don't think that's the way they meant it.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Look at you: Mr/Mrs moneybags. Hire a personal assistant. Either that or get therapy.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I wish! The latter unfortunately hasn't cut it so far so I'm looking to get myself into situations where someone does the former for me as an inherent part of that situation (hence for free).

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Would you do this for someone else for free?

I am asking you this because I have no idea why anyone would want to do this for free for anyone, let alone you (no offense and apologies if I'm sounding abrasive).

Also, how in the fuck is therapy not cutting it for you? Please elaborate!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago

If the therapist doesn't cut it you best cut the therapist. Make sure it's not you who is preventing the therapy from being successful, though.

[–] FeatherConstrictor 8 points 1 week ago

Yeah I second the other answer about a personal assistant in conjunction with therapy

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Sounds like you might enjoy joining up. A strict day that is organized for you, physical training, and you're getting paid.

Downside is, depending on where you live you might be sent to kill someone or get killed yourself.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Yeah, I think the military is the only environment where your entire schedule is planned for you.

If OP can't hire a personal assistant then this is the only option if they want 24/7 scheduling managed by another person or group.

Unless you want to join a farming co-op, OP? Requires money and effort on your part but no risk of being deployed overseas. Less rigid scheduling but lots of stuff to do that will dominate your time.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I don't have an answer to this, I just want you to know that feels so real. That would be so nice.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

Thank you. That makes two of us

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Unless you’re very wealthy, you can’t hire someone to functionally be your mother.

What you can do, is sign up for interest groups that meet on a set schedule, then build your routine around that.

For example,

I go bowling with my friend each Sunday. I go out to dinner and meet people every Wednesday. I go to the gym every Tuesday and Thursday.

Just like that, I have 4/7 days of my week more or less planned, including working. Everything else radiates around those plans. I go to the barber on Wednesday, because I want to look good for dinner. Saturday is a self care day, because I’m tired from the weeks happenings on tues-thurs.

Friday stays open as a “fuck it we ball” night. Fuck Mondays, I don’t do on mondays.

What you’re looking for here is 110% unrealistic, even if you could afford a personal assistant to keep track of your schedule for you you would still have to have things to do to structure that schedule around.

Tl;dr, in a super loving way, grow up. Or enlist in your countries military, then you don’t have to think about your day at all for years.