TWO previous jobs? How the hell am I supposed to compete with applicants like this?
this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2023
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internet funeral
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You build up to it. You don't step on a basketball court for the first time and expect to go toe-to-toe with Michael Jordan.
Two jobs in the same year as well!
We're out of our depth with this downright mythological figure!
appropriate username?
hmmn, would it really have been that hard for him to get a job in pr0n?
The funny thing is that the AI the company uses to sort resumes decided this was by far the best candidate due to length of experience.
Bro spent 12 years as a kid, thats a good long time to hold a job. Based AI
Ah, shit, man. You're direct, you're no-nonsense. How am I supposed to compete with that?
Nah, gotta spice it up a bit more with some fancy bullshit wording.
1997-1998: Started existence and gained motor functioning skills.
1998-2001: Increased fine motor skills and started learning a language.
2002-2014: Pursued Higher education to learn how to be most beneficial to the workforce.
2015: Became an Executive Financial Handler. Job included bridging the gap between Customers and Company to achieve mutual benefit.
2015: After mastering financial connections, began learning the finer arts of Bread and Pastery development to bring joy to the local orphanages.
2015-2019: Was contracted into the private sector to perform highly confidential work. Unfortunately, details cannot be shared.
2020: Ready to start a new career for a great company using all previously mastered skills. The diversity of knowledge makes for an extremely valuable team member.
I would describe this aesthetic as effortless
Listing your childhood as a job??
It's so simple, why did nobody think of this before!?
Such a megamind is beyond our understanding
Hrm. "Resume" is clear enough, but I don't see a "stop" or "pause" anywhere before it.
2023: I am still here 🥹