this post was submitted on 11 Feb 2025

1243 points (98.6% liked)

Programmer Humor

20460 readers

1067 users here now

Welcome to Programmer Humor!

This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!

For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.

Rules

Keep content in english
No advertisements
Posts must be related to programming or programmer topics

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

1243

The government doesn't use SQL (programming.dev)

submitted 1 day ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

428 comments fedilink hide all child comments

See the post on BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/provisionalidea.bsky.social/post/3lhujtm2qkc2i

According to many comments, the US government DOES use SQL, and Musk is not understanding much what's going on.

top 50 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] [email protected] 19 points 14 hours ago (4 children)

He did the exact same thing after taking over Twitter, talking about "poorly batched RPCs" in the timeline which makes zero sense because that's obviously not how HTTP works.

The sad thing is Elon regularly shows how much of a very judgmental, "I'm so smart" idiot* he is, but somehow I keep meeting people who think he's a genius. I guess the assumption that money=smart still holds true in the US, despite being disproven time and time again.

*Do we not have a single word for this concept? I come across this kind of person so frequently there really should be one.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 hours ago

Dunning-Krugerist?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago)

Perhaps you're looking for the "appeal to money" logical fallacy, otherwise known as "argumentum ad crumenam" or "argument to the purse". Not a single word, but it seems to fit the concept.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 hours ago

Charlatan?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 14 hours ago

"Muskian fraud" seems like a good term for someone who desperately claims to be a genius but can't back it up. "Trumpian fraud" seems like a good term for someone who desperately claims to be wealthy but can't back it up.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 16 hours ago

He definitely doesn't know what deduplicated means...

[–] [email protected] 26 points 17 hours ago

A pretentious asshole billionaire is going to be preaching us about massive fraud. Because he totally earned all his wealth through back breaking honest hard work. Give me a fucking break.

[–] [email protected] 40 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Tax dollars are definitely being stolen... by this unelected buffoon

[–] [email protected] 8 points 18 hours ago (3 children)

No no, billionaires would never steal money after closing down oversight and watchdog agencies, then brazenly starting a new ''office of mysterious authority you don't get to background check that operates in the dark'' and using it to access the most sensitive parts of US government fictionallity. That's crazy talk!

load more comments (3 replies)

[–] [email protected] 51 points 20 hours ago (3 children)

The more this dipshit talks about programming the more I'm convinced that he's got absolutely no clue how any of it works. Like, he's famous for creating PayPal, I'm really wondering if he paid someone to code that shit and just took credit (and all the money from its sale).

[–] [email protected] 11 points 14 hours ago

Here's a video out there where he's talking to Twitter devs telling them they need a total rewrite because their stack is too complicated.

Someone gives him the slightest amount of pushback by asking what exactly he means by a rewrite and he cannot give a coherent answer. Someone else asks him to clarify what it is about their stack that is 'crazy'. Elon gets very flustered and can only respond by calling the guy a jackass.

He knows absolutely nothing about programming.

[–] sanpedropeddler 52 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago)

He didn't create PayPal. He co-founded x.com, and was replaced as ceo for being inexperienced in less than a year. x.com later merged with confinity, which operated PayPal. It was at this point that musk returned as CEO, until he got kicked out again in 2000.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 18 hours ago

I'd bet a million dollar one of his lil baby faced goons did an export to .csv so Leon could open it up in excel, do a remove duplicate values, and send it back and have the goon could glaze him for being a genius.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 20 hours ago (6 children)

This retard thinks the government doesn't use SQL...

[–] [email protected] 20 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago) (1 children)

SQLite was literally invented within the US military.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 17 hours ago

[D. Richard Hipp] designed SQLite in the spring of 2000 while working for General Dynamics on contract with the United States Navy.

source

Well today I learned!

load more comments (5 replies)

[–] [email protected] 68 points 22 hours ago (2 children)

Someone needs to explain to Musk how to debug with the JSON so that the ipv6 GUI does not overflow into the git API front-end

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 hours ago

careful, "git api" almost makes sense

[–] [email protected] 20 points 21 hours ago (6 children)

Easy. Just defragment the kernel flux, water root but do not saturate the soil, and then set the virtual tensors to sigWumbo++. If you saturated root then set the tensors to asyncoMumbo-- to account for the extra conductivity. After that refragment the kernel flux because it was happy that way.

load more comments (6 replies)

[–] [email protected] 28 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

I'd bet that the government is probably the largest user of SQL. Unless there are really old systems that predate SQL. I'd imagine they have shitloads of COBOL for example.

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] [email protected] 49 points 22 hours ago (4 children)

He sure is loose with that r-word…

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 hours ago

It triggers the libs

[–] [email protected] 23 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) (1 children)

Those who live in Asperger's house shouldn't be casting retarded stones.

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] [email protected] 8 points 18 hours ago

His father used to call him that. Makes sense he uses it lightly.

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] [email protected] 16 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Where did this come from? Is this a precursor to pushing some blockchain shit or something?

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] [email protected] 109 points 1 day ago (1 children)

He got community-noted for being wrong. Per usual, it's only a matter of time before he deletes his post.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 day ago (1 children)

More likely, he'll delete the community note

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 day ago (2 children)

More likely, he'll delete the database.

load more comments (2 replies)

[–] [email protected] 17 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

This sounds just like a former manager that thought nosql was the end all and that SQL had no place.

If course they developed their app that required frequent data migrations because they were in fact very dependent on all the records matching the latest schema.

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 day ago (5 children)

https://www.techdirt.com/2023/09/12/the-batshit-crazy-story-of-the-day-elon-musk-decided-to-personally-rip-servers-out-of-a-sacramento-data-center/

That man will be doing to same thing to important shit right now.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 16 hours ago

The manager began to explain in detail some of the obstacles to relocating the servers to Portland. “It has different rack densities, different power densities,” she said. “So the rooms need to be upgraded.” She started to give a lot more details, but after a minute, Musk interrupted.

“This is making my brain hurt,” he said

the man hailed as a tech genius, everyone!

load more comments (4 replies)

[–] [email protected] 55 points 1 day ago (5 children)

If SSN based fraud is the program then let's establish an actual federal identification number. Even the Social Services bureau tried to get everyone to not use it as the end all source of truth. They only created it for social security benefits, literally only that purpose.

load more comments (5 replies)

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 day ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (5 children)

Sounds like he got confused looking at a view of a join.

SELECT holder_name, amount
FROM account JOIN transaction ON transaction.account_id=account.id;

-- WTF!! THERE'S DUPLICATES!!!

load more comments (5 replies)

[–] [email protected] 62 points 1 day ago (12 children)

It's hard to figure out what he's talking about , when he says the "whole social security database". Like in which tables are they duplicated? Does it mean the entire row is duplicated or just the SSN, it might make sense to be duplicated depending on the schema. Is it an append only db, so there might be updated columns on the same ssn and you need to filter by the latest update timestamp? Who knows.

But also, saying that there's a "social security database" and then following that up by the govt "doesn't use SQL" so.. the db is actually just a spreadsheet? A .txt file? The SSNs are just written down in someone's notebook? Lol

[–] [email protected] 17 points 20 hours ago

Musk just uses words to sound smart which is such a stupid thing to do on the internet when so many people can easily call your bullshit.

From rod Hilton on mastodon "He talked about electric cars. I don't know anything about cars, so when people said he was a genius I figured he must be a genius.

Then he talked about rockets. I don't know anything about rockets, so when people said he was a genius I figured he must be a genius.

Now he talks about software. I happen to know a lot about software & Elon Musk is saying the stupidest shit I've ever heard anyone say, so when people say he's a genius I figure I should stay the hell away from his cars and rockets."

load more comments (11 replies)

load more comments