Pharma companies would already have a caffeine equivalent that would be only slightly different in structure so it would circumvent the law. It would then be sold at exorbitant prices and people would still pay even with the side effect of sometimes you eat someone's face. Of course they would then sell you something else to stop the side effects. You would also have the caffeine purists who would start their own speak easies and organized crime. People "abiding by the law" would start calling the purist, plants, since that is where caffeine is coming from, while the synthetic caffeine users would be called zombies for the obvious face eating reasons. This whole thing would cause even greater divides between already split countries leading to all out war. WWIII plants vs zombies.
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This comment was amazing to come across and I look forward to the film adaptation.
Haha thanks. Wrote it drinking my morning cup of coffee.
I did a spit take when I read this
(of my coffee)
π₯βπ₯
I think once upon a time alcohol was illegal somewhere? That's what would happen. And I'd totally join a mafia
Ahem... the Coffia
Pretty much the same as with every illegal product. It would move to black market because as long as there is demand there will always be a supply.
That would require passing a law to ban both tea and coffee. And who do you think will bother to sit through a meeting without tea or coffee to even discuss such a bill?
And who do you think will bother to sit through a meeting without tea or coffee to even discuss such a bill?
Are you suggesting that politicians follow the laws they put in place?
I'm pretty sure the last time the govt tried to mess with our tea we started a war and made a new govt, so uh, that.
The economy would come to a screeching halt for a week or two when everyone is suffering from withdrawal.
Coffee would be served in underground cafeterias. The criminal gangs would immediately find a new very lucrative market in coffee smuggling.
I can't imagine some shady guy in a street corner saying "I've got the stuff" and it's just fucking coffee beans π
Right?! Thatβs almost as crazy as some shady guy selling a plant.
I agree lol.
"Got some fire bean bro, hmu."
"Yo what strain is it"
Ever heard of prohibition? Probably that.
Everyone suddenly gets diagnosed with ADHD and gets prescribed stimulants.
The same thing that happened when they made shipping nicotine through the mail illegal.
I stock up on a shitload of pure caffeine/nicotine, and store it.
Either that, or I start extracting it from other commonly available foods... (caffeine is present in quite a few foods naturally. )
Or, finally.... there would then just become a black market for caffeine.
The same stuff which happened during the prohibition period many years ago.
Any government which makes caffeine illegal must be prepared to enforce that law with mass violence, or let it be ignored.
Given how unlikely your average cop is going to enforce a law they regularly brea... Oh, nevermind. Yeah it'd be a shit show. Demonstrations, arrests, black markets, the whole nine yards.
This eventual solution would likely bring to mind Bunny Colvin's "paper bag" speech from the wire
Somewhere back in the beginning of time, this district had itself a civic dilemma of epic proportions. The city council had just passed a law that forbade alcoholic consumption in public areas; on the streets and on the corners. But the corner is, it was and it always will be the poor man's lounge. It's where a man wants to be on a hot summer's night. It's cheaper than a bar. Catch a nice breeze and watch the girls go on by. But the law is the law so what are the western cops gonna do? They arrest every dude for tipping back a High Life, there'd be no time for any other kind of police work. And if they look the other way, they open themselves up to all kinds of flaunting, all kinds of disrespect. Now, this is before my time but somewhere back in the 50's or the 60's, there was a moment of goddamn genius by some nameless smokehound who comes out the Cut-Rate one day and on his way to the corner he slips that just bought pint of elderberry into a paper bag. A great moment of civic compromise. That small wrinkled ass paper bag allowed the corner boys to have their drink in peace and gave us permission to go and do police work. The kind of police work that's actually worth the effort, that's actually worth taking a bullet for.
Crimes
No one would ever willingly talk to me ever again.
β¦so pretty much no change.
Michael Pollen wrote a audible book about how modern capitalism wouldn't have been possible without the invention of the light bulb and the abundance of caffeinated beverages as it facilitated a 24 hour economy. Literally titled Caffeine: How Caffeine Created the Modern World.
So what would happen if the government illegalized caffeine? I'd say they'd be more likely to prohibit literally any other drug including alcohol and tobacco. But if I were to indulge this hypothetical scenario, I'd say other new stimulants without any legal status would be invented to replace caffeine.
cocaine sales would go up. People would try microdosing. Some of those people would end up regular dosing.
There would be a black market, not only for coffee and tea, but also for caffeine powder, which people would sprinkle into anything.
Peoples' overall caffeine consumption would go down. That girl from my high school who got the shakes every afternoon would probably have been better off.
chocolate
soft drinks
and a few more things (and of course, all other products with chocolate in them. ice cream, candy bars etc)
would also be illegal.
You think Starbucks has been ruthless against the SBU? Turning them into a drug cartel would mean they go 1900s Pinkertons on them.
Mass civil disobedience.
There'd be a lot more bloodshed on Monday mornings
I would have a bad headache for a few days, but I would probably power through and not resolve to illegal purchases.
I'm the government's bitch.
The governments probably stop functioning. Apocalypse ensues.
Caffeine doesn't require a laboratory or manufacturing operations. It can come from plants. What would happen is people start growing and developing an underground caffeine distribution network and underground caffeine import network from countries that aren't dumb.
Weed users are less than 20% of the US population and that was a shadow industry bigger than most legal industries. Compare to 60% drink coffee every day, then there's tea drinkers and of other caffeinated beverages; people would riot and/or go underground to get their caffeine.
People would suddenly realize itβs better to go to bed earlier and sleep longer than hitting snooze 5 times and needing that energy boost every morning. Who am I kidding, people would revolt.
Like "you get a fine" illegal, or "you go to jail" illegal, or "Judge Dredd executes you in the street for possessing stimulants" illegal? If the punishment is light or the risk is low, many people probably just keep using it, like alcohol during Prohibition. If there's a harsh punishment and the risk of actually being punished is high, there might be riots.