Hey man, my wife got two all-expense paid vacations to Iraq in 06 and 09 (she's a lifer so she's still in). She has lost some folk and it hits her hard. I'm just a civilian, and can't fully fathom all you went through, but I'm grateful to you.
I will tell you this, you're buddy Steve would not want you to be miserable at all, and especially at the holidays. I know enough Soldiers to know exactly what he'd be telling you.
Always remember your friend. But give yourself permission to enjoy the holidays.