Asklemmy

I thought that I'd die of cancer because that's my zodiac sign and nobody could convince me otherwise.

In kindergarden, when one kid was about to hit another, the other kid would say "if you hit me, you have to pay the health insurance!". None of us had any idea what that could mean, and I have no idea where that idea came from, but it worked, because to us, that sounded bad.

Some of my class mates thought that wrestling was real, and a few of them thought there was a place in the US where it was legally possible to kill a man during a wrestling match. They were quite offended when I told them how ridiculous that notion sounded to me.

I thought our eyes worked by projecting some kind of energy beam that scanned objects, like how Superman's X-ray vision is sometimes drawn.

That cats and dogs were the same animal, the cats were the girls and the dogs were the boys

That the Empire State Building is a restaurant named Empire Steak Building.

I ran up to my mom once, completely serious and said, "Mom! I know why all fat people are short. They use up all their skin!"

I felt like a genius until she laughed so hard she fell on the floor and peed a little.

That all television, even live action, was just made by someone who could draw really fast.

When I was little, I thought that "cash back" meant that the clerk literally just handed you money out of the register if you wanted it.

I assumed that most people were honest and only took the cash if they needed it. I didn't know that it came out of your checking account lol.

That the world used to be black and white. I once asked how the people making The Wizard of Oz knew when the world was going to change, so they could film the movie correctly.

That we have cables instead of veins inside.

That before I was born cars had the exhaust pipe on the front (in fact I used to draw cars that way).

At some point I also believed that we were born as monkeys and we evolved as we grew up.

That male orgasm was painful. I got this idea from seeing their o-face somewhere and assuming it indicated pain.

that if we break tv's screen , tv charecters can get out of it and we can enter tv

that my grandparents remembered middle ages or even the dinosaurs

For a while, I thought kissing was how women got pregnant.

It MIGHT have had something to do with getting a half sibling in spite of my father saying he hadn't had sex with the mother. Religion makes people weird, is it really that big a deal to admit you had sex out of wedlock, when everybody already knows you got someone pregnant?

That kissing is how you become pregnant. No, really.

That we had to pay our employer to get a job.

I thought babyback ribs were from ACTUAL Babies

That all adults are smokers.

That a bon fire was a "bomb" fire and therefore, very loud and very dangerous.

I thought the glyph for "heated seat" in cars depicted a raised fist with the pinkie finger extended rather than a chair with heat waves eminating from it.

The Tea at the Treedome episode of SpongeBob SquarePants further convinced me I was seeing it correctly, and I since knew it as "the fancy button". In some regard, I wasn't entirely wrong.

"When in doubt, pinkie out!"

I scraped my knee and thought that putting skin-coloured paint on it would heal it

My grandmother told me England was not part of the European continent. I got an answer wrong on a test because of that. She refused admit she was wrong even after I showed her in my text book.

When I was a young lad I thought milk was cow pee and was super confused by the world.

That God exists

Most humans have good ethics and beliefs. The more I grow, the more I'm disappointed in our society.

Not me, but I have heard that kids used to think 'olden times' were black & white, because all old films were before the introduction of colour. Like, it's only in the last 80? years that people see in colour...

It makes me giggle when modern movies use b&w to depict pre 21st century, or even 'flashbacks' are b&w

Actors are dying... for real.

Premises:

1. My family watches the news for [weather] and [ye local murder].
2. My friend says: his dad says: "the news lies."
3. Parents are trustworthy, and cops can't lie to the news.

Conclusion:

They lie about the WEATHER!?

That bonzai was Japanese for "fire", and therefore you should never shout "Bonzai!" in a theater.

...Yeah, I'm not sure what I was smoking either.