this post was submitted on 02 Dec 2024
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[–] [email protected] 279 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

I'm white, and married to a black woman. Gotta say, this is pretty accurate. Add shitty service from wait staff when the white person a table over gets regular checkups, and doctors not taking anything she says seriously, even when her symptoms are obvious. And people being rude to her when she asks a question, but nice to me when I ask them the same question a moment later.

It's one thing to know, in abstract, that racism exists. But experiencing it through what my wife goes through on a daily basis has really opened my eyes. It feels like we exist in 2 separate worlds when we're not out together.

[–] [email protected] 148 points 3 weeks ago (8 children)

doctors not taking anything she says seriously, even when her symptoms are obvious

I'm married to a white woman, and she also experiences this, so this might be a gender discrimination problem, rather than (or in addition to) a racial discrimination problem, sadly.

[–] [email protected] 72 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I think it's both. It probably starts with gender discrimination (as the medical field highly favors men. Look at the differences in how we are taught about heart attacks for men and women for example) but then on top of that, it adds the racial discrimination.

Black women (and especially queer black women) are among the most discriminated groups sadly

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

That's why the term "misogynoir" exists. It's both, and they pile on and increase each other.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago

The more general term is "intersectionality"

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[–] [email protected] 35 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Well known gender thing, worse for women of color.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

The prejudices stack together, unfortunately

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 3 weeks ago

Same here. Even women doctors have been shitty to my white wife over things that should be obvious or at least taken seriously.

I can only imagine black women have it worse and that makes me pretty furious considering what I’ve already seen.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Older doctors were literally taught that black women have a higher pain tolerance. This in part originated from an early gynecologist doing experiments on black women slaves without bothering to give them any anesthetics. His justification for it was basically that they could handle the pain, and there are doctors practicing medicine today that still belive it.

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 weeks ago

Yea, that part is a gender discrimination issue, some doctors will refuse to even tie a woman's tubes if they're "too young" saying shit like "What will your future husband think" and if they are married already even saying shit like "You'll need your husband's permission/need to be present"

It's disgusting.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 weeks ago

Yep.

Being a woman trying to get your medical concerns taken seriously is hell.

Can't imagine how awful it would be to stack "not white" on top of that, too.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 weeks ago

We're both Eastern Europeans in Western Europe, so not visible minorities until we open our mouths.

We were recently house hunting, and my wife is the sole earner.

I can't count how many times we had to explain that, or how many times we were disadvantaged against people with the opposite situation. When we applied for a joint bank account with both of us working, guess whose name they put on the account. Or try getting hired without getting asked about your family situation. For her, it always comes up in "small talk" in interviews, very obliquely of course. For me, maybe six months to one year into the job.

On the other hand, she opens the street door every time there's a heavy delivery, as they don't try to have her carry heavy cargo to our apartment like they do to me, despite it being paid for.

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[–] [email protected] 33 points 3 weeks ago

To add: some of the comics, as well as your, examples are good examples of intersectional discrimination. To take a particular one: the doctors-not-taking-you-as-seriously thing happens to all women. But it's much worse for black women in particular. And it's also not as bad for black men as it is for black women.* So, that's an issue she's facing in this severity because she's black AND a woman. There are many such intersectional issues, and it's important to acknowledge and work against them. Anything related to children is similar.

  • I remember that from a statistic, I'll try to look it up if anyone would like me to
[–] ayyy 15 points 3 weeks ago

It bothers me endlessly that people who advocate for keeping the tipping system are directly asking to perpetuate racism. Many of them don’t even know thats what they’re doing, but I’m slowly learning that most people (including minorities) actually like systemic racism.

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[–] [email protected] 113 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Missing the classic, "You speak so well!" Like, wtf, did you expect me to speak in pure jive and clicks???

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

What it is big mama? My mama no raise no dummies. I dug her rap.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don' want no help, chump don't GET da help!

Jive-ass dude don't got no brains anyhow! Shiiiiit.

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[–] [email protected] 80 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I'll give you a bonus one: "But where are you originally from?"

[–] [email protected] 41 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Or white person: “You speak [West European language I was raised in] very well”

Me: “Uh thanks you too”

White person:

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

"where are you from?"

Here.

"But where did you grow up?"

Here.

"Where were you born?"

Here.

"But where were your parents from?"

The town over.

"Okay but where were your grandparents from"

[Other country]

"Ah okay now I can finally put this label on you and refer to you as [country]an whenever I talk about you and hang all these assumptions on you"

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[–] [email protected] 64 points 3 weeks ago (8 children)

Here's a bonus I saw at college: "Can I touch your hair?" it's an especially weird one.

[–] [email protected] 61 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

I was blonde growing up in a middle eastern country and people used to want to touch my hair all the time. It's just curiosity.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 weeks ago

No, it can only be white on black racism

[–] [email protected] 44 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

white guy here.

I had a lady do that to me and my beard in college.

it was weird at the time but scratched a physical contact itch I had no idea I had. the interaction started a long lasting infatuation with black matriarchs.

my point is, it's fine to tell people no because it's a limit of yours, but some people get curious about things that are new(to them) and it shouldn't be held against them. who knows you might even like it.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

The problem is volume. You had one interaction years ago. Black ladies get this sort of thing a lot more. I'm sure it gets exhausting.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 2 weeks ago

This is only tangentially related to the point but when else am I going to get to share this story:

I'm a tall white dude with long, thick, slightly curly hair (when short it curls, when long the weight pulls it into waves), my entire life it's been expected of me to just let women touch my hair and go "god I wish I could have this" or similar

I had a few black girl friends (note the space) growing up and they saw that a few times and we bonded a bit on this hair shit, but they were actually shocked that people at least asked them whereas I'd get molested without asking

One day an older black woman did it in front of my friend Alex and she puts on her heaviest "I'm from the ghetto bitch" accent and yells "nigga why you not even ask to touch his hair? You're a sistah, you should know better!" And smacks her hand away from me

The look of shock on that woman's face and level of apology she gave me was the weirdest fucking thing I've ever experienced racially in my life. I got to see, just for a moment, what it looks like when white people realize theyre being super racist and want to undo it. It was awkward as fuck

[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 weeks ago

I'm not black but Hispanic and get this often because of my curly hair. I actually love it but understand some people might not like it. But at least they ask. Had some people just pat my hair to feel it which is really weird.

[–] TriflingToad 17 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Speaking of touching hair, this isn't really related but what are you supposed to do when holding a baby?
Like I held my family members baby the other day at Thanksgiving and my brain just defaulted to petting their nearly bald head like my cat 😭

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

I think that's normal, actually. Little kids like affection and caressing their bald head qualifies. I'm not sure what age that ends, though.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

That’s funny, because I had a lady I work with tell me to feel her hair.

We were talking about how she always had different hairstyles, and then she explained all this stuff about weaves and fake hair, and then she had me feel her hair to tell the difference.

I did not retain all/any of the knowledge of artificial hair, but I do remember she always had kickass hair styles.

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[–] [email protected] 58 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

Imagine people being racist.

Thank you for attending my TED talk.

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

What type of racism is this? It’s an everyday sort but contains institutional and casual types. Is there a label for it?

[–] [email protected] 81 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

30 Rock had an episode where Liz thought Tracy couldn't read. I loved his label for it:

"The subtle racism of lowered expectations."

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

“Bing Crosby said that!”

“…no, Bill Cosby said that.”

“That’s racist!”

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[–] [email protected] 38 points 3 weeks ago

yeah, prejudice.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)
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[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 weeks ago

It doesn't matter what the stats are, it's insanely rude.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Wtf? Is this someone's experience?

[–] [email protected] 68 points 3 weeks ago

I can’t speak to the ones about holding babies because I try to generally avoid that, but I’m a black woman, and I feel these to the depths of my soul.

I remember some girl in college literally asking me “Oh, are you from a broken home?” It took me a minute to even understand the question.

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Are you guys ok over the pond? I thought every panel after the second was just silly but then I read the married guy’s comment..

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 weeks ago

Racism is one of the only institutions Americans are still willing to vote to protect.

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 weeks ago

What is sad is that this will be viewed as normal and acceptable next year because saying it's not acceptable is "woke."

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 weeks ago
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