Ask Lemmy

Switzerland. Taking the very busy cableway down the mountain. People waiting in line to get in. Next stop, I see some people exiting and immediately getting in line again there. Apparently they thought you need to get in line again at every stop. Crazy. Sweet maybe, but crazy.

A family was trying to have a 3-day-old baguette and breaking their teeth on it

I was in the line to get tickets for Leeds Castle in UK. Some guy got off a bus ran past the line to the ticket guy. He started slamming his hands down and yelling "Fish and Chips" over and over again.

The ticket guy wasn't selling any food and wasn't going to sell him a ticket unless he got in line. After about 2 minutes of this he just got back on the bus.

In San Diego, Arizona tourists (who are often fucking pieces of shit) like to walk up to groups of seals (past signs and barriers) to fucking pet them.

Fuck you, Zonies!

Out fishing with some buddies on a river popular for its springs and people floating on inner tubes.

Except, we were well south of the exit for tubers to be picked up by the shuttle and taken back to the start, and we start hearing a loud group approaching. Eventually they saw us and loudly spoke to each other saying something about "asking the rednecks". When they got closer they did, to the point of saying, "Hey rednecks, where is the exit for tubers? Did we pass it or is it coming up?"

They were probably a 20 minute float past the exit. I told them they had about another 20 minutes to go.

"Thank you rednecks!"

American lady absolutely losing it and hysterically screaming at a McDonald's cashier for not accepting US dollars. In Ireland.

Hide an STI

Attempt to hitchhike across the US. No clue if they made it, but I carried them through Kentucky.

I say this as someone who has successfully hitchhiked the length and breadth of the 48 states, but these folks were not prepared for what they were attempting.

Vote to leave Europe and then complain that you lost all benefits living in Benidorm

Was in a brewery in South Carolina, tourist asks the bartender for a bud light. Bartender politely explains that it's a brewery, make their own beer, and directs him to a beer menu. Tourist says, "just give me whatever is closest to a bud light." Absolute monster.

Not that crazy but I'd never seen anything like it before.

Over 15 years ago, I was standing in a very long line at St. Basil's in Moscow. A small pack of tourists (half a dozen or so) started to "sneak" their way into cutting in line. About 30 French people in a tour group immediately started scolding them in loud unison. They shamed them into taking their place at the end of the line. It was such an automatic and united scolding. Highly entertaining.

A fellow traveler, far more experienced than I am, said that the French are known for doing that sort of thing.

A big group of Chinese tourists wanted to be first on a boat for some reason so they all just started shoving everyone out of the way, including little old ladies and children. It was really shocking behavior, like suddenly everyone around them was no longer a person. The boat was huge and had plenty of room for everyone so it wasn't really obvious why they decided to attack people, they didn't really gain anything by being the first aboard.

I was in the Navy and one of my shipmates got so drunk he passed out on a bench in front of the fountain at the Kings Cross intersection in Sydney. So a prostitute told him he was going to get arrested and when he spoke she realized he was American and somehow one thing leading to the other....

She gave him a bj at 7am during the beginning of rush hour traffic. She later took us to a couple private bars that were creepy and she stole his Levi's later after they had sex and she left

For a while I worked at a theme park in central Florida. Yeah, it's that one. Some of the guests went wild.

One time I was walking through a guest area on my way to the break room when a dude pushing a stroller ran into me without looking. Apologies on both sides and then the dude tried to hand me something. I put my hands behind my back as a kind of "no thanks," we're not really supposed to take things from guests. I looked down and it was a used diaper. He thought he could just hand a park employee his child's shit filled Pampers and that we'd take care of it. There was a trash can literally right behind him, but thinking on it later where did he change the diaper? There's trash cans in the bathrooms and they all have changing stations... did he just change the kid outside? Is that a thing parents do?

Another time I was helping the transportation department during a park closure. Up on the monorail platform I was shoulder to shoulder with like a thousand people. A train arrives, the doors and gates open, and people start boarding. A woman who'd been standing near me stopped at the doors, turned to face me, poked her finger into my chest and shouted "YOU RUINED OUR VACATION!" She stared daggers into my soul as she walked backwards like a Bond villain into the car and continued staring me down as the doors closed and the train left the station. I have no clue who this was or what I had done.

Finally, I had to break up a fight where grown ass adults were yelling at each other and had started spitting on each other's children (like WTF). No idea who started it or even if the two groups knew each other, but shit was looking to come to blows and the security people weren't quite there yet. Another park employee and I stepped up between them with a "come on folks" and "this is a place for families." Both of us were big guys so we made a wall between them, I'm 6'2 and was about 280lbs at the time (128cm [typo edit: 182 lol] and almost 130 kgs [edit for my fellow Americans: that's about one refrigerator in height and around weight of a Shetland pony]). Saw the parents faces drop from anger to embarrassment immediately realizing how dumb they were being when security jogged up and a manager on a Segway rolled in.

The most magical place in central Florida really brings out the strange in some folks.

Somebody once hoisted her skirt up, dropped a diarrhea on the wall in a cave, and continued on with her day as if she hadn't just committed a speleological war crime.

They created a department named after a meme coin.

Used to work for a few ski resorts and still live in town so I've got plenty:

*Skiing into the pit of a ski lift (the area right after the chairs leave the loading station that's roped off for a reason) face first into a thankfully empty chair and asking me "why didn't it stop?". Well chief, it did stop, about 20 feet after I pressed the button, you were within 20 feet.

*Grown man cradling his skis sideways in his arms like a child attempting to board a gondola cabin and clotheslining himself.

*Grown men pushing children out of the way to cut in line.

*Jumping off chairs just before the unload station.

*Father attempting to hit his own children in a tube well after I told him they go like 30mph and can fuck people up.

*Walking along the pavement still wearing skis.

*Dropping the comfort bar on a passing chair, resulting in the people who were about to sit in said chair to get bowled over into the pit. I just about lost any semblance of professionalism on that one...

*Underaged girl riding the bungee trampoline asked me if putting the harnesses on guests turned me on. Resulting in me dropping the harness and telling one of the female coworkers that had just been playing with their phones and talking amongst themselves that the harnesses were their fucking job now.

*Lift I was on stopped for awhile because a guy carrying his skis over his shoulder was absentmindedly decking people in the face which resulted in a fistfight the bottom operator had to break up.

I can keep going for a while.