this post was submitted on 18 Nov 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 85 points 2 months ago (2 children)

She needed help with her physics class assignments, Anon dodged a bullet.

[–] [email protected] 54 points 2 months ago (2 children)

The bullet weighs 10 grams and has a velocity of 330 m/s. It hits Anon in his 5 kg head and, because it's a rubber bullet, bounces off elastically. How fast is Anon's head moving after the collision?

[–] Justas 24 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 35 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Not quite, remember it's an elastic collision.

[–] Justas 16 points 2 months ago

Ah, 1.317 m/s then.

[–] BeeDemocracy 5 points 2 months ago

Depends, how stiff is his neck?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I have that at uni.

Hot girl asked me to come to her place after a party, said she "wanted help with her computer".

She actually wanted help with her computer.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

Well? Did you help her?

[–] [email protected] 72 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Be femanon
Talking to nice, attractive guy
Invite him to my house, parents aren't home
Guy makes every excuse to not come over
What is wrong with me?

[–] [email protected] 46 points 2 months ago

This is so clearly fake and gay, bait used to be believable.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I just recently realized I had a coworker flirting with me... 2 years after leaving that job.

Last time some one flirted with me it took me ~5 years to notice. That's a big improvement. I don't expect a 3rd data point though...

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It already happened, you just haven't realized yet.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

There no way I could have 2 in a decade.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 2 months ago

If you cut off the last two or three lines, you can see this as a screenplay for an extremely gruff, overworked guy who is intentionally dismissive.

If you cast the guy as more attractive than the girl, then the rest of the scene plays out with anon as a chad who just does not care.

If he maybe cares, he can further 'chad' by looking at his watch, saying "Well, if you need help looking for em, I'll be here tomorrow" and then him leaving.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago (2 children)

The solution is being honest instead of hinting.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I feel like "my parents aren't home" isn't even hinting. It's downright obvious.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

If you know the saying. Anon heard it the first time.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

"HeY yOu WaN ComE TO My HoUsE aND FuCK?"