Can god sling a dick so big even he can't rub one out?

Couple of fun facts about this :

so God themself while referred to in English as a he refers to themselves as ' I am ' technically I think we should be using they them pronouns but English was traditionally a gendered language.

Jesus on the other hand 100% had a dick. Whether he kept that or not, post ascension that's up for interpretation but Jesus was 100% biologically male.

*Hits the Blessed Waterpipe of Panaji*

Under Trinitarianism, God would be a they/them, because they're literally several people.

According to the common understanding of the doctrine of virgin birth, Mary got impregnated through the Holy Spirit rather than The Father rawdogging her. This suggests that the Holy Spirit is a dick and thus probably male.

The Father is, according to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, not a man or a woman. That being said, neither Hebrew nor Aramaic nor Koine Greek have gender-neutral pronouns (except perhaps calling The Father "it" in Koine Greek, which would be hilarious but sadly would not be approved of by a killjoy like Paul).

...i like the way you think

I think this is very relevant to this discussion https://youtu.be/qUb0JnEsOHQ

Baphomet is an occult archetype for the Supreme Deity, composed by both the male and female principles. The commonly found art/statue of Baphomet has both a phallus and breasts, representing the interconnectedness between these principles, just like Yin and Yang from Taoism are complementary to each other.

The same duo happens across various belief systems, such as Ancient Egypt (Isis and Osiris, Nun and Nunet), Brazilian Tupi-guarani indigenous people faith (Tupã e Jaci), some esoteric branches of Islam (Alaat or Al-Lat, the female principle of Allah), and so on. And there's also Luciferianism, where there are Lucifer and Lilith sometimes seen as complementary, sometimes seen as "enemies".

Regarding the Christianity, the Holy Ghost is a feminine name in Hebrew, so it'd be the nearest to this female principle of the Supreme Deity, a.k.a. The Mother Goddess (Asherah as others correctly pointed across the comments).

While we tend to see the male-female principles as phallus and vagina, the reproductive organs are actually just a representation on the physical realm from spiritual, energetic polarities. Everyone has both male and female energies (i.e. a man has also female energy within him, a woman has also a male energy within her), and we shall seek to balance them, seeking equilibrium between our inner man and our inner woman.

The patriarchal society tried to erase the figure of the Mother Goddess across the centuries, trying to make us forget how the first belief systems worshipped a Goddess instead of a God (Venus figurines, for example) but it seems like that this knowledge is being rediscovered nowadays.

"The sword of God, the blood of the lamb, vengeance is mine, millions of dead motherfuckers, all because they gave the wrong answer to the God question. 'You believe in God?'

'No.'

BANG Dead.

'You believe in God?'

'Yes.'

'You believe in my God?'

'No.'

BANG Dead.

'My God has a bigger dick than your God!'"

-George Carlin

Why should every part of God need a purpose? What does efficiency mean in the face of unlimited power (palpatine.jpeg), or simplicity in the face of omniscience? Why does God have a penis? Cause he wanted one I guess. They are nice for peeing too.

In Exodus, Moses asked to see God's face, and was not allowed to. God told him he would allow Moses to see his "back" instead. When I was a boy at Yeshiva, the prevailing wisdom was that God showed Moses the back of his neck, and his Tefilin knot. The Tefilin contains passages relating the Shema, and my Rabbis connected it back to how God has a devotion of his own to Israel in his tefilin (which this source also does).

The tefilin is a rite only permitted for men to practice, so I guess that's ones thing for this meme. But the word used for back, אֲחֹרָ֑י, is more accurately translated as "butt." Now why would God need a butt?

This is old Testament by the way. The J source for those who care, who often portrays God as a little earthier than the others.

It's not more heretical to claim that jesus wasn't entirely human, quite the opposite in fact. It's a very old theological debate of homoousianism vs heteroousianism vs homoiousianism (same substance, different substance, similar substance). This debate was settled in the 4th century and Arianism (heteroousianism) was rejected

Homoousianism - god the father is of the same substance as Christ, is the most prevalent vision nowadays, which means that christ is purely divine and not human