While I have empathy, the reason we're in the state of recognising and intervening with neurodiversity is the work that educators, parents and researchers have done over the past sixty years. Pleae recognise this for the progress it represents.

People do the best with what they have and what they know. No it's not your fault. Neither is it your parents or teachers when they don't have the knowledge or tools to help them. There is a solid chance that they were as lost, frustrated and confused as you. Or they're simply shitty people..

In 50 years time there will be another condition that we don't know about now, for which we are not providing accommodation, which causes kids harm, that your kids will look back on and be absolutely shocked, like why the fuck was this ever tolerated and how could we not know. Obesity? Usage of social media? Assessment?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 days ago

I wholeheartedly support this viewpoint.

I was diagnosed with ADHD at 38 and to say my life was a mess beforehand would be a massive understatement. Without making this too long, I’ve had between 50-60 jobs and would lose them from just not turning up if I couldn’t get out of bed or just being confrontational with people if they treated us like shit etc.

In the 3 years since my diagnosis and medication I managed to train to be a software developer and landed my dream job doing it for a living.

The horrible thing to think about is if I didn’t luck myself into working for Apple at the Genius Bar, I wouldn’t have been diagnosed. They gave free healthcare (UK, we have the NHS but mental health is underfunded and the wait times for things like this would be over a year). Apple literally changed my life; not just with the diagnosis, but with helping people see their potential.

The hardest part of a late diagnosis which still to this day it’s hard to let the past be the past, but it’s the what ifs, what if I got diagnosed earlier etc. the amount of money I’ve spent on weed, Xanax, coke, and messing about with friends (most of which likely have ADHD, due to being very similar and people in these drug circles all have that in common) I could have my own house and be set and only need to work part time (still done think I’m built for a 9-5 and still get depressed over the hours).

All this said, I don’t blame anybody for the late diagnosis. Like you say people were working with the knowledge they had at the time and although my issues perfectly aligned with ADHD and the content in this post, people just didn’t know enough back then and it is what it is.

[–] [email protected] 114 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It took me ages to realise this. People with ADHD are always portrayed as lazy but they don’t struggle with hard work, they struggle with boring work. Before I knew I had ADHD I always found I was getting in trouble for not finishing boring work so I always used to prioritise tasks by how much fun they were and start with the most boring. I just ended up getting nothing done.

[–] [email protected] 71 points 1 week ago (16 children)

Then they also get mad when you find an easier way to accomplish the same thing in a fraction of the time or even automating it.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 6 days ago

This is when you learn to just not tell anyone that you're saving time and pretend it takes as long as everyone else lol

[–] [email protected] 41 points 1 week ago (34 children)

"Why didn't you show your work, so I can see how you think?"

Because I did it in my head and got the right answer. This isn't about you.

[–] gravitas_deficiency 5 points 6 days ago

It’s funny, because in high school, I remember getting poor marks on proofs - and HATING them - because I was like “this is so fucking obvious jesus tap dancing christ” and just… skipped lots of steps.

Fast forward to college and logic theory: that ended up being one of my favorite classes, because machine theory and problem reduction is a fascinating domain, and FAR more interesting than “prove this shape is the shape we say it is” or whatever vapid bullshit they had us doing in high school.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

Lol I hated this too, I really did. But like a lot of answers here, I can appreciate it somewhat now. Especially when trying to learn to code.

I think learning to break down problems might even be MORE valuable to people like us with ADHD, even if we hate it, because we tend to intuit our way through things by the seat of our pants.

Also sometimes I got really lucky and arrived at the correct answer in a bizarre and inconsistent way.

In the end, it's very valuable to be able to communicate your process to others. Even if it's irritating and awful to get through.

I also wonder if those like myself, who really REALLY hated math until my brain started to appreciate it in my adult years, just gnash our teeth at these memories because it made us feel stupid when we struggled to keep up with that slow, methodical raw-logic stuff...

EDIT: I can see you were the polar opposite of myself, ridiculously GOOD at math but found it a waste of time showing how you got there. That makes sense. I have zero idea what that's like lol.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 days ago

I wouldn't have minded it nearly as much, had they not accused me of cheating on the exam. That sticks in the craw.

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[–] [email protected] 71 points 1 week ago

I feel fucking seen by this post

It rings right to my core

[–] [email protected] 48 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (8 children)

Keep it up with these posts, if I share enough of them with my clearly very painfully obviously super adhd girlfriend I might eventually convince her to go see a therapist and seek a diagnosis someday

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[–] [email protected] 44 points 1 week ago (8 children)

Add the extra layer of my mother not appreciating my interests and thinking what I now do for a living was a waste of time... And a dash of expecting me to somehow just be able to perfectly do chores they never taught me how to do when I was young. Yes, this is the first time I've ever mopped a floor at 17 years old. How the fuck is that my fault?

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

It's actually the normies who can't even do laundry without a little neurotransmitter bottle from mommy frontal cortex. We fight demons every day.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

"Your home is tidy because you anticipate getting a little dopamine reward for a job well done. (How cute)

My home is tidy through determination, anger, sheer force of will, to do the thing despite every fiber of my being desperately trying to pull me away from it. Knowing that it simply must be done has to suffice as its own reward.

We are not the same."

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